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Photo by Normal Bob

"Hey there! I'm a dying pigeon and this pathetic Union Square junky thinks my last breathing moments should be spent being a hand puppet begging for spare change!"

"Can you give me a dollar so my friend here can get a bump? Peep peep! Pleeeeze? I'll dance for it! Peep peep peep!"

Photo by Normal Bob

Um, this isn't your fucking livingroom. It's a coffee shop where the PUBLIC comes to relax and enjoy a cozy beverage. I'm trying to draw for Christ's sake, and you come here in a sweaty tanktop, jogging shorts and stocking feet?

The next time some asshole says he dresses for comfort, this guy is reason enough to scream "I've seen fucking comfort-dress!" then punch that asshole square in the nose.

Photo by Normal Bob Jo

I've sat here for 30 minutes trying to decide what the fuck I think of this. One minute I say to myself "What? Are you kidding me? It's Dexy's Midnight Runners tucked into the boots!" Then the next minute I think, "Fuck Foot Locker! This'll show those corporate buttfucks what I think of their Air Zoom Generation!"

But in the end I am left to decide for myself, and the fact is, if he came over to me wanting to be my friend I would look him square in the eye, say "No thank you," stand up and step in front of a speeding cab.

Photo by Bob Crawford
I thought we all agreed that mimes sucked? Didn't everyone on planet earth come to that conclusion 20 years ago? Have the rules changed? Does MTV promote this? Is that what's going on here? Is the youth going to make the same mistakes history has already clearly taught us not to make?

Photo by Venessa Nina
"Oh Jesus Fucking Christ! Ha ha ha! That is so fucking wrong! Ha ha ha! Oh my god! I don't know what to say! Ha ha ha! I'm soooo sorry! Ha ha! Those nice people on that quality television show don't deserve that, ha ha ha! Oh god, I'm so sorry!"

Photo by Normal Bob
Ever get so fucking plowed that not only was there no way you'd make it home, but you knew that your only salvation would be to simply find a drain, lay down next to it with your pants partway down to just let the problem fix itself somehow?

Photo by Jo

What is it in our nature that makes us think more is always better? I mean, as if spending $400 on a leather vest with that embroidered logo isn't enough he's gotta airbrush another mistake punctuated with an anime hoe with her legs spread, while he reads a fuckin' monster truck mag.

Dos de Oro Boots - $400
Junior - Nothing

Photo by Venessa Nina
"Hey, I got a joke for ya! Did ya hear the one about the restaurant on the moon? No? Well, it's got a great view... but no atmosphere!"

Photo by Normal Bob
And then, amidst the gray Union Square backdrop, an angel appears, and she is light where there was no light, and beautiful life where there was once only gloom.

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Insults written strangely are describing strangers I have to see every single day and I don't want them to be sure what it means either.

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