Dude, fuck big business! It's 'We the people' NOT 'We the corporations' man!"

"What? Crate & Barrel doesn't count! They're punk rock man! They were doin' Decorative Ivy Terra Cotta Pots before anyone else was. Total anarchy!"

You know how some people have to come out of the closet and admit that they're gay or crossdressers, or they fuck children or what have you? Well, Christ. It's time the truth be told.

I'm sexually attracted to Jersey girls.

There, I said it. Now tie me to the bumper and drag me down a dirt road 'til my flesh falls off.

Fact is, yes, I want to be her spiral notebook.

Does that make up for the "swamp ass" comment?

I don't know if I've stated this before but I'm going state it now. Life isn't fair. Do you wanna know why I say it? Because girls can make themselves perfect in every way, while us guys are just stuck bein' stupid guys all of the time.

Fuck, is that a My Little Pony rainbow shirt? I rest my case.

This is what I'm talkin' about. When us guys go out thinkin' we're being hot and perfect we just end up lookin' like another dipshit smokin' a cigar in a fully equipped Sharper Image Patio Lounger™.

Jesus Christ, guy! Have you no shame? You can't be comfortable at the park without your sports section, spring water, writing journal, shorts, cigar, shirt off, wrist watch on the tattooed arm and, oh God, flip flops!?

You my friend are the epitome of my "Dont's" list.

I was at the Republican National Convention protests at Union Square and I didn't see any undercover cops there.

I even went up and asked these guys if they had seen any undercover cops around, and without the slightest bit of hesitation they explained to me how they weren't undercover cops and if I didn't stop asking so many questions they would arrest me.

Wait! Is that Pigeon Man lying over there? Did your puppet get the bump you needed so badly?

Oh Union Square junky, will you ever win?