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NY, I Love You

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Hatin’ on the NYU Drama Students.
It's Back-to-school time again and there's a whole new crop of white kids springin' up at Union Square, ready to show their stuff to an eager New York City audience! We just can't get enough of their new, clever minds, extreme talent, and funny/friendly vibe! Here are just a few of the white kids America has sent us that're one day gonna run this country
...into the fucking ground.


Photo by Skater Bob
"Oh my god, isn't this hat like, the greatest thing you've ever seen?"

"That is so cool! And look at this shirt I got! Isn't it crazy?"

"Hey! You know what we should do, Carisa? You know how New York is so crazy, and everyone is so outrageous here?"

"Yeah! I know exactly what you're talkin' about!"

"Well, get this! Wouldn't it be cool to dress up all crazy, like in mismatched clothes and go to Saint Marks Place and just go crazy? Then everyone will think we're from around here and just another couple crazy people from New York goin' crazy at Saint Marks Place!"

"Oh my God! That sounds so crazy! Let's do it!"

  Video by Normal Bob
The ad said "Are you a student, actor, musician looking for a summer job? Are you energetic, friendly and like people? This is the job for you!"

And it works every time, getting the most obnoxious white kids out in public doing things...


Video by Normal Bob
So a few days ago there was another nice day at Union Square and I saw the guy with the guitar get up and start strummin'. Then a few minutes later his friend came joggin' up all ready laughin' like a game show host putting his arm around his buddy and started singin' Sugar Ray's "I Just Wanna Fly." They both cut the rug just like they're doin' here in this video.

Now, two days later, they're back, and this time they're hackin' up Bob Marley's corpse with a fuckin' spoon.

Watch this several times, then find a long knife, walk outdoors, and hunt them down.

 


Video by Normal Bob
Okay, now let me introduce you to Nate. Nate isn't his real name, but it's the perfect name for this guy, and it's also the name of another obnoxious, blond, white kid I used to work with at Perkins Family Restaurant when I was a teen.

Anyhow, this Nate's job is to sell you stuff on the street. And Nate has learned that to stop people in the streets everything counts on the approach. How do you approach people on the street to sell them junk? This first video is pretty basic. It's a handshake, combined with an obnoxious march.

Video by Normal Bob
Now in this next one Nate has to punch it up a few notches because the other thing didn't work.

What you're gonna see here is a white boy dancing to stop you on your way to work so he can sell you crap.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Video by Normal Bob
Here we get to see Nate annoy a couple. Nate thinks that if you dance annoyingly for a couple that somehow the girl will respond because she wants to show her boyfriend that she is susceptible to twits dancing for her in the street.

People actually try and get away from him politely, like he deserves to be politely refused, and not refused by the means of a fist in the throat.

Video by Normal Bob
So this is what's happening. Nate isn't making any sales. None, for obvious reasons. So the next tactic to stop peopleso that he can sell them garbage is begging.

Now you'd think that people strolling by would have found this adorable, but no. People still want to get as far away from Nate as possible.

Video by Normal Bob
Nate, I think the problem is people aren't sure if you're actually speaking to them. You need to point at the people, because people like to be pointed at.

First they like to be pointed at, then they like you to dance for them, Nate. Dance Nate. Dance for the people, and then be rejected by them.

Video by Normal Bob
This last one will be more than you'll be able to physically bare. Seriously, you will need to be rushed to the hospital after viewing this final clip.

Nate, here, spots the victims, then starts his approach way early, first strutting up to them while snapping his fingers. Then dancing on his tip-toes, then to skipping, toe-tapping, and then right up in the face, blocking the path, with no way around him. Either they have to walk into traffic or stop. Little do they know that stepping into traffic is the preferable option.

And this is why one is to hate the NYU Drama Club Student, and why the death penalty can never be completely abolished.

(C) 2008 All pictures featured here are my property because they were taken by me & my friends with my camera, so they're all mine!

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© 2012 All photos and videos are property of NormalBobSmith.com
Insults written strangely are describing strangers I have to see every single day and I don't want them to be sure what it means either.
NORMAL BOB SMITH DESIGN NEW YORK


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