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Last week New York Magazine did a story titled "Union Square Society" about all of the colorful characters that make up "downtown's playground!" [Click here]
Following is the letter I wrote to them about their coverage.

garbageman

To Amy Larocca at New York Mag,

Never before have I seen a more sterile, unrealistic, boring take on the three-ring-circus that is Union Square. I've been hanging out at Union for 5 years now and have only seen 3, THREE! of the 15 people you claim are the "Union Square Society!" I swear that half of the people you got there were just visiting that day you were doing your little "cross section." They saw the clipboards and cameras and made the shameless B line to your fancy equipment so they could be a home-town-hero, IE The Garbageman & the 6" Jew.

Wendell Earl Headley III "the Sermonizer" is actually "The Garbageman." Want the scoop on him, Amy? This evening I saw The Garbageman pull down his pants, jump up onto one of the park garbage cans, drop himself ass-first inside, and about 30 seconds later climb out, wipe his ass once with a Wholefoods paper napkin, pull his pants back up, then turn around and pull a water bottle out of the same can and drink its remains while the whole park watched in awe. Yeah, that's Wendell! Good ol' dirtbag Wendell the Garbageman! Why didn't you write more about him I wonder?

Te’DeVan, "Healer and rapping Jew." But anyone who's at all familiar with Union Square knows that his real name is The Six Inch Jew. And those same people also know that when The 6" Jew says, "I feel where there are blockages in people’s fields and I let them channel through me. People who feel better donate, and that’s how I live." What he actually meant to say was, "I bullshit people, then I ask them for a dollar and if I can sleep on their sofa tonight. That's how I live."

And who in the hell were those skateboarders you showed? My friend Skater Bob has been skating that park since forever and neither of us have ever seen any of those douchebags before! They even told you they don't skate Union but instead they're "more competitive about looking cool than landing tricks." You got that right!

I may have seen some of those artists and people who sell food at the Farmer's Market, but the real people who actually make up the "Union Square Society" are the people who sleep on its rat-infested lawn. I should know. I've been documenting these people on my own site for years. That's the REAL Union Square, and it's got nothing to do with friendly struggling artists photographed on a clean white background, or the sermonizing, faith-healing, honey-farming whatevers. It has everything to do with dirtbags.

You had a chance to finally show something truly interesting and you made it sound so safe and generic just like how you won't publish this letter.

Normal Bob Smith

PS. I have a photo of The Garbageman's turd at the bottom of that trashcan if you want me to email it to you.



Photo by Normal Bob

I'm not exactly sure what it's been this last week, if it's summer coming to an end, the cold to hot to cold and back to hot again weather, or as my dad would say, "they just opened up the front doors to the Funny Farm!" Whatever it is it's been priceless for a Amazing Stranger gawker like myself!


Just in the last several days there's been a small and shaky tribe of retro 80s hip-hoppers struggling to claim some space at the Square. I'm already fully aware that it's just wishful thinking, but if there were some way for these guys to pose their way into the pecking order at Union Square I'd say a fake prayer to a non-existent God in the sky simply for the sake of nostalgia.

Gregory Gordon
Movie by Normal Bob

This is Gregory GOrDon at Union Square "debating" with the No Police State Coalition at Union Square South. Gregory is the second Christ, he's invented a perpetual motion machine, wrote a book about Ronald Reagan being the Anti-Christ, and he also discovered that if you take black balloons and spin 'em around in front of you it makes a cool laser-beam effect in photos! See for yourself! [Click here] And he's got the cure for AIDS! Whew!


On this day Gregory was handing out black balloons to people so they could try the trick I just mentioned, and also he was TRYING to explain how he's got answers to questions if people would just listen and STOP SHOUTING over him while he's trying to shout over everyone else! It was really frustrating for him!!!!

lloyd
Photo by Normal Bob

This guy I've been seeing walking around Union Square, the East Village and everywhere in between for at least 4 years, and he really loves white. He's got white eye mascara, white hair extension ponytails attached to his white cowboy hat, and even white swastikas on his cuffs and neck tie to celebrate the White Race!


I took this picture of him yesterday in Chipotle and he told me his name is Lloyd. Say hello to Lloyd everyone!

asainbikerchick
Photo by Normal Bob

Yes, you can still see all this and more at St. Marks! Less than a decade ago you could've seen other kinds of people like this there, but now it's only Japanese people. Japanese hotties, Japanese tourists, Japanese punk rockers, Japanese glam rockers, Japanese greasers and, yes, slutty Japanese cycle chicks.


Some people really hate this and complain about it a lot. As for me, I don't really mind.

hater
Movie by Normal Bob

Crazy Chico here has been a regular visitor to the park for many years now. Today he's riding back and forth shouting racist and sexist remarks at the appropriate targets up until he topples over and falls head first into the steps in front of these people here. That's when I started taping and he started calling this black guy a nigger and laughing, then after the guy walks away he returned to his bike celebrating his victory over The Man The Black Man.

Crazy Chico
Movie by Normal Bob

Here he finishes up by giving a general "fuck you" to the rest of the park, a little more court-jestering and finally, exit stage left. Until next time, Crazy Chico.

Skull Ass Pants
Photo by Normal Bob

The skull and crossbones is on the ass of the pants. The skull and crossbones is getting sucked into the ass of the guy wearing 'em. His asshole is a vacuum that the skull and crossbones has fallen into. These are pants for a badass with a bad ass!

 

massmurder mascot
Movie by Normal Bob

This idiot was dancing around Union Square, and it wasn't until Dennis got up and started screaming about 9/11 and Bush being a Nazi that I felt I had an adequate soundtrack to his buffoonery.

Shirtless Graver
Movie by Normal Bob

This is the shirtless graver at Union Square practicing being a ninja.


I've written of the shirtless Graver elsewhere on my site, but this time he's being a ninja.

eternal life dance
Movie by Normal Bob

I pretty much sum it up in my quote in the video. "I forgot how good it feels to think you've got an everlasting life."


Yeah, thanks for the reminder. Cocksuckers.

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© 2012 All photos and videos are property of NormalBobSmith.com
Insults written strangely are describing strangers I have to see every single day and I don't want them to be sure what it means either.
NORMAL BOB SMITH DESIGN NEW YORK


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