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Photo by Normal Bob

Finally Springtime is officially here so people can come out into public again and show off their horrible fashion decisions!

Okay, sometimes Asians do this. They think they can put on anything because they're Asian (with the Anime and all that) and get away with it. But I'm sorry, you people can't do this all the time and get away with it. Mixing extreme patterns is one thing, but those orange "shades" and that rope for a necklace is just rubbing our face in it. And you know it!

Photo by Normal Bob

If you're a tourist visiting New York City you can't be too careful when protecting yourself from the pick-pockets, muggers & con artists. The first way to safeguard yourself from these perpetrators is to avoid looking like a mark, and to blend in with the locals. And what you'll notice about New Yorkers is they wear their backpacks on the front. This way everything you're carrying is always in your view. It's just common sense. I'd like to see a burglar try to steal a camera out of this "backpack!"

Streetwise New Yorkers are also known to keep their savings in cash under their hat, pocket change up their ass, and believe that Jesus Christ is protecting them from everything else.

Photo by Normal Bob

I told you this would happen! I predicted to everyone that one day the Pippi Longstocking trend would finally catch on fulfilling all my hopes and dreams! Tough redheads with midriff tattoos clad in shredded, old rags, with their super strength pickin' hot-n-sexy fights with me, riding me like Alfonso the horse through Union's under-kept, over-fertilized lawns!

I told you you all back when I was 13 years old and no one would believe me! But mark my words, it's happening! And when the trend is at it's peak I'll be ahead of the game with this one laughing, carrying me over her head everywhere we go.

Photo by Normal Bob

THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE HERE! The new Baby Scenesters are in! And they're sooo cute!

They're just like the old outdated Scenesters from last year, but these ones are so much more huggable and cuddly, and the 2008 model comes with their very own baby drama!

Video by Normal Bob

This Baby Scenester is programmed not to be your friend and tell you what she really thinks! If you pull her string she'll tell you "U a skank! U a ho! And U talk mad shit!" and everything else she hates about you!
New Baby-Scenesters © 2008
Each Baby Scenester takes six 9 volt batteries.

Photo by Normal Bob

Unfortunately for the old out-dated Scenesters, this infiltration of Baby Scenesters has banished them to the fringes of Union Square, across the street to Junky Island.

This is where the Scenesters from yesteryear have been putting on their weight, expanding their gauges and generally doing what Scenesters have to do once they've been co-opted by middle-schoolers.

Photo by Normal Bob

This guy's been tryin' to get a scene together at the park since last year and there've been few takers. A few lost youths have tagged along with his idea for a day or two (usually just a Graver, which doesn't really count), but no one as dedicated as he. And you wanna know why I think that is? Because of the hair - The facial whatever & the pony tail. All it takes is a single flaw in a concept to ruin the whole package, and that's exactly what's happened in this car wreck. There's been all that attention paid to everything except the fucking head!

Yo, I was there! And in the 80s anybody who cared did something with their hair! And the ones who didn't aren't the ones you give a shout-out to! The mustaches were real mustaches or none at all! And conditioner! All we had was shampoo and conditioner, so we used it! A lot! And there should be a boombox up there on your shoulder too! And lastly, would it kill ya to be at least a little bit ethnic? I mean, Christ, is that too much to ask?

Anyhow, I think that's how I feel. Or maybe it's only because he's panhandled me one too many times.
Yeah, nevermind. That's my problem.

Photo by Normal Bob

Now, I don't think I've said much about "nests." What is a nest you ask? A nest is the pile of garbage bums call home, or "their belongings."

One of these days I'll do a whole page on the "Nests Of New York," but for now I'd like to just focus on this guy.

So, focusing just on him: This is what's come of ravers.

There. That's all I wanted to say.

Photo by Normal Bob

Okay, remember how I was talkin' crap about how the Asians think they can get away with wearing anything they want and how they rub our faces in it all the time doing so? Well, this time I don't mind having my face rubbed in it.


loon danceoff
Video by Normal Bob

Let's conclude with a video I don't think needs any introduction at all.

This is the first time I've ever went and edited together videos in my life! So don't be too picky. But I think I did a pretty good job with the Yellowbelt Loon who graced Union with his presence last Saturday.

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© 2012 All photos and videos are property of
Insults written strangely are describing strangers I have to see every single day and I don't want them to be sure what it means either.

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