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Moms' Fashion Advice
Photos by Normal Bob
Free fashion advice? All right. I have some. How about not being a middle-aged, Sex-&-the-City-wannabe, Upper-westside mom at Union Square advertising how little you've got happenin'? How about that?
Or hey! How about something other than making me yawn in despair at the catastrophic levels of ordinary you're thinking to dazzle our eyes with? Something different than the treachery of complete nothingness translated into stock, generic women's wear whose only standing ovation comes from the make-believe consumer which exists in the head of mass market executives? How about that? Hmm?

 

Gettin' Some Head

Video by Normal Bob
Any explanation I could attempt to write for this would pale in comparison to simply watching it yourself.
Urban Livingroom

Photos by Normal Bob
You know what's a good idea? The Urban Livingroom. A place in the park where you set up a replica of your bedroom, invite your friends over to play games like Trivia, Freeze Tag, & Truth or Dare!
An "outdoor comfort center" where you come dressed in your pajamas, wrapped in a cozy blanket with your pillows, toys, and mattress, just to enjoy life out in the open for everyone to see how sweet it can all be.

Unfortunately the "Urban Livingroom" has already been invented, but , as the woman here is trying to explain, the original version doesn't include games, a mattress, pillows, toys, friends, or the word "cozy." If you're lucky in comes with a blanket, but in the wintertime you can trade that for crack.

Hometown Heroes of Fashion #1

Photo by Normal Bob

Union Square is home base for douchebag Hometown Heroes pretending to be fashion geniuses, with their loads of bullshit they'd be more than eager to shovel onto your head at even the slightest hint of inquiry into the topic of themselves.

Hometown Heroes Fashion Genius #1 here is a regular at the park. I've heard first hand an entire dialog between him and 2 Asian girls explaining how he no longer needs girls. He just decided to put his desire and lust for the opposite sex out of his mind, and through sheer will power has overcome what most every other man is enslaved by.

It was an engrossing tale. He even went so far as to say, "You see, girls are attracted to guys who don't need or desire them, except I LITERALLY no longer need them! And the best part of it is when I tell girls this they want me even more."

This story on him is about 2 years old and I've been holding onto it until I got a good photo.

Hometown Heroes of Fashion #2

Photos by Normal Bob
Hometown Heroes Fashion Genius #2 is way more spotable, especially when he's doin' his world famous Junky-nod Jig, bobbin' up and down in perfect sync with his eyelids and lower jaw.
I first noticed him last year when a friend of mine pointed out how cute she thought he was right up until I told her he was another Union Square junky scumbag.

This photo shoot took place while he was showing off to two of his cronies his irresistible charm and good looks on an unsuspecting girl. See how they study his technique? Do you see the envy in their eyes? "He goes to bed with many girls and all we've got in bed is each other" they declare.

And the answer to the question, "Will I get bedbugs if I sleep with him?" is: Guaranteed.


Hometown Heroes of Fashion #3

Photo by Normal Bob

But this page's winner of the "Hometown Heroes Fashion Genius Award" goes to contestant #3!

A model from the Union Sq Models brat pack of years ago, every fall this one phones in a new, more radically tweaked evolution of the quintessential Hometown Hero uniform.

From the top of his hat, down the front of his Velvet Underground tee shirt, to the very tip of his halfboots, if you can't spot his douchebaggery from the other side of the island you're just the sort of disciple he's trying to impress.

Old Man in a Sundress
Photo by Normal Bob

Yeah, I know I've posted this guy before, years ago (pg 23) on rollerblades no less, but it just never gets old for me.

I'm sure you'd agree.


Gregory Gordon

Photo by Normal Bob

This is Gregory Gordon. He is the King Of Kings and the Lord Of Lords. And now I am very happy to see he's got a custom suit and logo to go with what's going on inside his head.

I first discovered Gregory a couple years ago (pg 55) at Union screaming at the top of his lungs while plugging his own ears, and I was an instant fan. He thinks he's God and can prove it with the inventions he's created, including but not limited to a perpetual motion machine and a way you can make lights look like lasers using inflated black balloons and a flashlight.

Upskirt

Photo by Normal Bob
NO!

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Insults written strangely are describing strangers I have to see every single day and I don't want them to be sure what it means either.
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