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Christmas @ Starbucks!
So what's a guy to do when all his Christmas vacation plans to the Midwest are canceled by overbooked flights, horrible weather conditions and there's no way out of NYC by plane, train or automobile to loved-ones back home? Forced to spend the holidays alone, in solitude, shunned from society and the celebration reserved only for the loved? The answer's obvious. Christmas at Starbucks! That's right. I'm going to be bringing you up-to-the-minute 24 hour Amazing Stranger coverage from Starbucks Christmas Day! Live updates all day long, no matter how dire or bleak it gets!

Only Bathroom on Christmas

Video by Normal Bob

SO what drags every ass into Starbucks on Christmas Day? Not only is it the only place open, but as a result it's the only bathroom in town! So to tweak this fact out, Bob and I hung a sign on the door for everyone, and Christ did that line grow!

Quarter Guy
quarter guy
Video by Skater Bob & Normal Bob

The Quarter Guy started things off with a BANG holding up people with a gun (a finger gun) demanding a quarter from anyone who seemed intimidatable (not a word, I know).

Christmas Eve and Christmas are HUGE for The Quarter Guy. These are the days with the highest panhandling potential from pitying tourists. This video is in two parts, the second half of the footage taken by me about 45 minutes after the first half was taken by Skater Bob.

I assure you he hit every Starbucks in the area before he returned to this one, and repeats this pattern all evening into the night, 'til to tomorrow and straight through Christmas Day. Everyone's got a quarter, and he's gonna try to fill his stocking with every single one.

Homeless & Asains
gypsy lady
Video by Normal Bob

Then, as I was filming the Gypsy Lady walking towards me with her evil death-glare, that's when it hit me: There's only two types of people at Starbucks on Christmas. The only people who've got nothing to do and no where else to go for the Christmas holiday. The only living creatures on Earth who can survive without love: The Homeless & Asians!

You'll see by my frantic camera motions the reality of this hit me like a brick! I was completely surrounded by the soulless.

Shitkicking Meathead
shitkicking meathead
Video by Skater Bob

Earlier while trying to film someone else this meathead came over and started to ask about why we were filming in his direction, and wondered if he was in the way of whatever we were trying to get. Skater Bob told him he wasn't in the way and everything was fine. Bob said he was watching a movie on the camera moniter, and the meathead said "Because I see those smirks on your faces and I'm thinkin' you're not watching a movie and you're filming me!"

So here I'm laughing telling him "We can watch a movie, we have a smik on our faces, we're in Starbucks, yadda yadda yadda" and the duffus says "I could beat the shit out of you"

The best part is when Bob says "I'll film it!"

He would've too!

Junky thinks WIndow is Door
mistaken junky
Video by Normal Bob

This junky came up to the table and tried to take our umbrella acting like he left it there earlier, so I said "That's my stuff." And he said "Oh, I thought I left it there" and he walked to the next closest table on the right, and did the same thing, then the next table and the next until he got to the window he thought was a door. He stared at it for a moment, concluded in his brain that it must be an opening because it's transparent and tried to walk through it. You can see his mouth & nose print on it afterwards.

Funny Lonely Crying Lady
lonely crying lady
Video by Normal Bob

Nothing's sadder than being all alone on Chritmas Day in an empty Starbucks crying on the phone. But it's also kinda funny too... if you think about it.

Phone-charging Freeloader

Video by Normal Bob

The Phone-charging Freeloader has his own agenda this Christmas, it's to pull the carpet out from under the Peace & Good Will of man! He sits at other people's tables complaining how every single Starbucks in town is closed except this one (not that you wanna buy anything) until you have to ignore him by fake talking on the phone. He trys to take other people's sofa seats, and generally loudmouth-craps all over everybody's Starbucks Christmas dreams.

Scrooge at Starbucks!
Video by Normal Bob

Yes, it's true! Even Scrooge himself showed up to Starbucks for the BIG DAY, and he brought along the wife. Best Christmas ever!

Busted Knee for Christmas

Video by Normal Bob

This guy was acting like a fuckin' bitch in front of his girls after sleeping all day on the rubber sofa he slips down the steps leaving and hits his knee on a chair. First of all you shouldn't be sleeping at Starbucks, now you're gonna be cryin' about your knee all night? Big fucking baby. Man up.

As you can see in the video, Skater Bob LOVED this: "People's stupidity makes me soooo happy!"

The Genius

Photo by Normal Bob

This is The Genius, and it is 100% guaranteed if you ever go to the Starbucks on Astor Place he's there, being genius.

He's got so many electronics hooked up goin' at once you'd think he was developing technology for NASA! He's got Live Webcam conjoined with a duel mounted cellphone/ microphone/ reading lamp combo, opti-performance monitor display laptop extension cord web of super genius! All the freeloaders agree: He's a genius.

Playin' the Blues
homeless junkie blues
Video by Skater Bob

Christmas at Starbucks is no joke. It felt like doin' time on death row after the apocolypse when money has no more value, the burning sores on your feet are all that's keeping you warm, and you wish you were a dog because at least no one spits on dogs.

While homeless junkies played the blues on the harmonica, I swear you can hear the death bells of the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come sneaking up at you through the warm and comforting Starbuck's brand atmosphere. You could feel it to the core.

Christmas End

Photo by Normal Bob

And everyone knows, Christmas aint over 'til the junky's flatfaced!

Merry Christmas Everybody!!!!

Skater Bob explains why we're allowed to film anything we want at Starbucks.

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© 2012 All photos and videos are property of NormalBobSmith.com
Insults written strangely are describing strangers I have to see every single day and I don't want them to be sure what it means either.
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