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NY, I Love You

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So today's "Featured Video" is an action drama shot on location at Starbucks on Astor Place, NYC.

It's the story of an asshole who wanted to get an employee of Starbucks fired if he couldn't talk endless shit to him, and the asshole's propensity for pouring coffee on people who didn't take his shit with a smile, and the cup of coffee that was thrown across the dining room of Starbucks at him.

FEATURED VIDEO

Pray for Satan Stomp

Video by Normal Bob

The originator of the Pray for Satan STOMP!

Share it with all your friends. It's a great party crasher!

Sushi Eating Hottie

Photo by Normal Bob

Jesus Fucking Christ. Fake leopard fur coat, skin tight leather pants & big boots on a sushi-eating blond has been my wet dream since I first started dreaming of hot women eating.

I have a secret sketchbook from 1982 to prove it.

Sir William 'Razor X' Outlaw
sir william razor x outlaw
Photo by Normal Bob

Once upon a time there was a batshit crazy insane girl who named herself "Sir William 'Razor X' Outlaw," and this, as far as I'm aware, is the only picture in existence of this very real train wreck of a person. I took it last week.

Razor has an interesting technique for getting places to stay. What she does is find someone to let her into their home. Then she never ever goes away. Not ever. Not until the police drag her away.

When I first met Razor she had, just a couple weeks prior, scared off the tenant of a Williamsburg loft.

Razor met the girl at a bar, went home with her, then refused every request to leave by whatever means possible. Razor begged, pleaded, wept, screamed and threw blame in every direction besides herself. A couple weeks later the woman simply found it easier to leave. That is how Razor acquired this Williamsburg loft.

This same tactic worked on the two guys managing the floor who came looking for the rent at the end of the month. She begged and pleaded and wept until they too foolishly buckled and let her stay. This is when Razor rented this lady's loft to me, resulting in 2 years of the worst roommate situation I've ever experienced.

I drew a few one panel comics to commemorate some of the highlights of our living situation, but now that I've finally gotten a photo of her to draw from a new and improved version is already underway.



And this one is a direct quote from her CraigsList ad describing herself looking to find new roommates after I split.


Doggie Carriage
doggie carriege
Video by Normal Bob

You know what? Praise Mary & Joseph for the doggie-baby-carraige and the women who embrace it to supplement their biological urge to enter the "crazy motherhood" phase.

While I consider a vasectomy to deal with the consequences of my natural urges, the doggie-baby-carriage helps with her's.

Now let's enjoy a short clip of her not only carting them around but having to clean up their piss in the carriage.

Goth Punks
goth punks
Photo by Normal Bob

When you're a goth punk you regularly have to deal with the same douchbags who mock & belittle you in the daylight also showing up at your goth punk club to ask you to stick a whip up their ass and humiliate them because their cheerleader girlfriend thinks it's creepy.

This fact, to the goth punk, is both annoying and poetic.

Panhandling Panda
Photo by Normal Bob

I predict the art of panhandling to evolve into bums dressing up as cartoon characters. It's perfect! It solves the human contact & eyesore issues, and it gratifies both hug-ready tourists and hug-ready kids!

So the next time you see a darling, panda bear with a tip jar and a filthy Duane Reade shopping bag filled with garbage, toss it a nickel and know you just played a part in subsidizing a future for bums.

Creamer Station Lullaby
starbucks creamer station lullaby
Video by Skater Bob & Normal Bob

This is a sweet, sleepy love song to Starbucks coffee.

I think you'll know right where he's coming from. Haven't we all been there?

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© 2013 All photos and videos are property of NormalBobSmith.com
Insults written strangely are describing strangers I have to see every single day and I don't want them to be sure what it means either.
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