There is no doubt now that Union Square is in full swing. You know how can tell? The fuckin' sausage is lurkin' EVERYWHERE! The Black Rabbi, the Dog Molester, Peepers, and there's a new guy who's found a home at the park!
I'd like you all to give a warm welcome to Huggies! The most huggable, buggable, uggable boy in New York City! And guess what? He found his calling, and the Free Hugs kids have welcomed him with open arms!
Hey everyone! The Black Rabbi is back and he's got a trail of Peepers in his wake 40 feet long, and thanks to the good lord above they've been blessed with girls in their summer skirts as far as the eye can see!
They may all know to look away and pretend their interested in something else over there, off to the left somewhere when I'm setting up my shot, but their twinship blows their cover.
There you go! Now that's a string of Peepers if I ever saw one. And hell, why only peep? Squat right down and take a picture 'cause that'll last longer!
And if lurking behind the garbage can, or even taking a picture isn't enough, why not just pull up a front row seat and make a late afternoon out of it?
YOU try and spend an entire fuckin' day snooping on the dregs of society; seriously scraping the bottom of the bucket at the worst kinds of Union skuz so you can make light of their deviance on your cash-for-tears exploitation webutainment racket, then try not fall for the simplest smile from a red haired darling such as this.
Fuckin Union bastards! Just you try to tarnish the radiance of this New York City angel and I'll, I'll... I'LL... Jesus Christ, who am I kidding? I'll just snap a photo of it.
Huggies just recently found a home at Union Square with the FREE HUGS kids which you've seen me go on about in pages past.
And guess the fuck what? Huggies has gone and inducted himself into this elite, troupe of fresh-n-perky doe-eyed high school students who're about the learn a hard lesson in bedbug body-to-body transference.
But spreading the bedbug epidemic to the Upperwest Side isn't Huggies only mission.
No. Huggies is also on a mission for the groin area of his middle section! It's a portion of his body that's sending desperate, easily deciphered codes to the brain, then back to the groin, creating a literal pleading from the pelvis for hug inclusion.
To this I say, "Welcome Free Hugs Kids! Welcome to the open Free Hugs market of Union Square and your 'Customer's Always RIght' policy! Welcome to a world of Union Square reality."
10 years ago if you woulda told me there were such thing as annoying Jewish Evangelists I would have spit in your face and said something horrible about your mother. But lately the hasidshave been getting more and more obnoxious. You see, they have a messiah now, Lubavitch Rebbe who died in 1994, which changes everything. Give it a few years and they may even prove themselves worthy of their own dressup game!
Hell, they're even going after the Peepers which, quite honestly, could win me back to spitting in your face.
Rainbows! Photos by Normal Bob
So my friends have been asking me lately, "Bob, do you like that?" And I've been having to ask myself "Christ, what's happening to me? Because I think I like that!"
And I've been realizing this is the sort of ammo I feel's necessary to counter the human bile of this city. Rainbows and yellow and blond and bright lipstick & sunglasses. I can't see what's wrong with this anymore! Quick! Someone stop me! I think I'm turning hippy!!!
Flasher Style Photo by Normal Bob
It's definitely gotten to a point where you're sitting on the steps regularly saying to yourself, "All right, what's this one up to? What awful, unholy behavior am I going to bear witness to in the next hours, days, weeks to come? And how much of whatever innocence I've got left will it steal away?"
This time he just reached into the garbage can and ate someone's half eaten seafood salad. But what about tomorrow?
Of course, I'll be sure to let you know.
Sausage Photo by Normal Bob
You know it's time to reevaluate your skills when the only crowd you can attract is a full platter of sausage.
And if you doubt the wisdom of the crowd, the Dog Molester is there to seal your fate.
Chewy's Spoken Word Photo/Video by Normal Bob
And finally, I introduce to you Chewy and his unintentional impromptu spoken word about the one that got away, and methadone.
It's typical junky banter, but the guitar made it oddly genius.