So this morning I get the phone call from Skater Bob screaming at me, "You better play with all your little friends at Union Square while you can because I just heard they're remodeling the whole park and turning it into Times Square! They did the same thing with the Limelight, and now they're coming for Union! So have fun playing with all your Free Hugs buddies because it's all going to be over!"
So today's FEATURED VIDEO is me playing some more with the Free Hugs
kids. I made it into this half-assed little docudrama that's been chemically programmed to engage your emotions and tap into the corner of your psyche which craves a conspiracy. So let it take your mind, please.
Union Square Romance
Video by Normal Bob
Inna's in love, and object of her affection is the Garbageman, Wendel. And she, in no uncertain terms, expresses how deep it is.
Hear for yourself.
Hot Squared Photo by Normal Bob
You know those movies where there's a nerd wearing glasses and then somehow near the middle of the film someone takes off her glasses, puts her in a skirt and makeup and suddenly she's hot?
Well, this is what actually happens in real life.
Freddy's Demons Video by Normal Bob
Yes, I know. Freddy deserves a spot on the Union Square Map more than most! It's going to happen, I swear! I just need to get it all together and write what needs to be written. But, bedsides Wendel, there's seriously no more of a Union Square mascot extraordinaire than Freddy.
In this video he's letting the demons out while at the same time making you smile. It's enough to chase away even the most patient tourist.
Peeper Train Photo by Normal Bob
So we're all sitting there and one after another the Peepers start lining up in a row forming a perfect Peeper Train! But for the life of me I cannot see what the hell it is they're all looking at. So I get up behind them with my camera and sure enough, there she is. Click the pictureabove to peep for yourself.
Passenger Window Peeper Photo by Normal Bob
Yesterday we saw the Passenger Window Peeper, who's now become a Union Square celebrity! So Skater Bob and him had their picture taken together, Passenger Window style!
Squinty Peeper Photo by Normal Bob
No one takes peeping more seriously than Squinty. When Squinty's peepin' you can feel it! It starts with a pulsating in the back of your head, then your whole body starts to shift and squirm in an attempt to direct itself towards Squinty.
Then when you're helplessly turned to face in his direction that's the mug you've got staring at you, or the unfortunate girl in a skirt who's sitting next to you. Easily one of the most traumatizing faces at the park..
Stacked Jumping Jacks Video by Normal Bob
I said it couldn't be done, then they go and do it. Then again, I say this other thing can't be done, and they do that too.
Since then I've learned that Bertha and her boyfriend can do a lot of things I say they can't. So I keep my mouth shut.
Rocker For Life Photo by Normal Bob
...No matter how little of it's left.
That's New York City.
The Day Wendel Silenced Photo by Normal Bob
This was the first time "Gettin Some Head" and Wendel the Garbageman (see left sidebar) ever came face to face, and I'd never seen Wendel look so defeated. He stood there with his dirty pillow completely and utterly silent. It was creepy.
Have you ever heard something so quiet that it felt like the loudest noise you'd ever heard in all your life? This was that, but louder.