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No, I haven't gone away for good. I was away there for a moment taking a break from the chaos, but I'm back, and this is the week for everything! The Limited Collector's Edition Jesus magnets arrive in just a matter of days! The Amazing Strangers Matchgame cards have caused quite a stir at the park, and hate mail has begun pouring back into my mail slot taking up any spare moment I'm not at Union.

The FEATURED VIDEO this week was neck and neck... and neck until I just had to make a decision and choose. There's been that many fantastic Amazing Stranger sightings lately! But Drunk? took the prize. Click there to the right, and I think you'll see why.

FEATURED VIDEO

Greeny

Photo by Normal Bob

For years I've been trying to get a good picture of Greeny. Back on page 22 this is the best I could get with the piece of shit camera I had. But now, with technology, I've been able to capture this specimen in all her glory.

I also want to clear up any misconception that so many of these photos are just an off day, or someone who's prescription ran out at the end of the week so give 'em a break. Well, here we all are 5 years later and it's just another day in the park.

Old green lady. So what?

Prettiest Girl a Boy

Photo by Normal Bob

So, for page rate purposes, this center top spot is always reserved for the prettiest girls. But this week the prettiest girl is a boy.

And to make it even more irritating, Pretty Boy Jake knows he's the prettiest, and he says it right outloud in front of everybody! Laying it out there as scientifically verified as gravity.

It's this version of human existence I know nothing of, which probably explains my fascination.

nohomo

Matrix

Photo by Normal Bob

The other day I was sitting at the park minding my own business, and I blinked. And in that blink the image of a man was emblazoned onto my mind. I looked around confused and slightly terrified, saw nothing. Then another blink later, there he was again, then disappear!

So just to see what would happen I aimed my camera into the crowd and started snapping repeatedly, again and again! I saw no strange man, but I frantically took pictures anyhow as a something wisped by my ears, and made the hairs on my arms stand on end.

Out of about 300 pictures, this one man appeared twice. A man I never saw with my naked eye. But there he is, and I have awoken.

We are of the matrix.
Father/Son

Photo by Normal Bob

That's all I choose to call these.
Father & son. Period.
Graver Grrls

Photo by Normal Bob

Tank Girl never sprouted the wings I truly hoped it would. In the 90s I dreamed some part of punkrock would morph successfully into Tank Grrl and there'd be gangs of roving babes with exposed midriffs, thighs & scalps kicking up dirt with so much attitude entire cityscapes would crack fault lines under the weight of their giant boots of sexiness.

Instead, it's just another victim, absorbed into the graver collective that bites into every great hope, and takes it to the back of the park, just to the right of the George Washington statue.

Lonely Lesbian

Photo by Normal Bob

I'll admit, I've had mornings too when my imagination roams out of bounds and comes up with ideas that in the first 30 seconds seem flawless and fail proof. I mean, who hasn't stood in front of the mirror with this sign around their neck just to see what it'd look like?

But after a few minutes of posing and squinting, I was able to visualize the message I'd be conveying in my dirty shorts, neanderthal knees, half-assed flipflops and sunken eyes and scrap what could be an extremely messy photo some asshole could post on the web to make me look like simpleton.

Day Day Park Pissin'

Video by Normal Bob

Day Day's always screamin' about being on the site more. Posing for pictures and saying I can write anything about him just as long as he gets seen! And I try to explain to him, it's more than just standing there and not doing anything. You have to do something that's important, worth noting. And weeks go by, still no Day Day post.

Then when he's finally doing something really worth recording for the time capsule, one of his friends has to tap me on the shoulder and say, "You should record Day Day pissing in the juice bottle."

Griswald Couple

Photo by Normal Bob

I regularly get people, both friends, family, strangers & acquaintances who look at me so puzzled when they find out I've not only never been married, but don't plan to, or crave it it in any way.

To me, this is another example of why I call myself "Normal." Because everyone else seems so clearly wrong with the decisions they all uniformly agree on and leap into, without a second thought, never considering that this is going to be the rest of your life, for always, until death do you part.

That's all I ever think about.

Signs

Video by Normal Bob

Did you know that if anything bad were to ever happen to Skater Bob's dad, Signs, at Union Square, nothing short of EVERYONE AT THE PARK would run to his aid both annihilating whoever his persecutor(s) might be, while in the same motion lifting Signs up on their shoulders declaring him "Hero Of America," fighting over who gets to give him the first handjob, and a line forming behind that person all the way around the block?

Don't believe me? Watch the vid.


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Insults written strangely are describing strangers I have to see every single day and I don't want them to be sure what it means either.
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