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2012 is looking to deliver some dramatic changes to the layout of Union's long-standing cliques. OWS has made the brow-raising decision to set up camp, while a new group of scenesters (with an 80s hiphop theme) have all but taken over any remaining empty space. And these kids don't even seem to know where they're North of Houston! And Signs has been no where to be found because neither of these two groups has donations.

That said, the FEATURED VID is one of the most requested personalities I've got. Dusty the Duster. And there's no need to worry about him. He's got love, he's got Triple C's, and he's gotten out of jail! That all means we've got Dusty.

FEATURED VIDEO

New Closing Procedure

Video by Normal Bob

There's a new closing procedure at the Square ever since Occupy Wall Street came to inhabit. At midnight, every night, the cops line up in the back, announce what they're going to do, then walk forward until everyone's on the sidewalk. Then they set up the barricades, clean up the Occupy's mess, and then let everyone back in early the next morning.

It's difficult for me to sympathize with Occupy Union and the "injustice" of having to leave the park each night so mommy can clean their bedroom while they kick and scream. Especially since they're allowed back in the next morning only to treat it like a toilet all over again.

I'm not sure where Occupy got the idea to relocate to Union after most of the negative publicity at Zuccotti was directly related to the Union's Park Rats.

Forehead Tattoo

Photos by Normal Bob

Say what you will, and I can't say you won't find a mocking word about this guy somewhere in the back pages, but this mother fucker went and got a fucking pink & purple bat tattooed on his fucking forehead!




A chill went down my spine when I saw what this guy had done to his forehead. Then I thought, what's he got to worry about his forehead for?

Euro-trash Blockade

Video by Normal Bob

Shaggy can spot the Euro-trash. This video is his proof. We hope you're really impressed.


Normal Bob Smokes

Video by Normal Bob

So the guy to my left pulled out a cigarette, and just like Union Square, a line of Park Rats formed in front of him to bum tall remaining cigarettes. They formed a line in front of him, and came around from over his shoulder. As a joke, after denying everyone, I asked.
Wouldn't you know it, I'm the only one he said okay to.

This is the third cigarette I've ever smoked in my life. Having not developed any sort of proper smoking mannerisms it was really hard for me not to simply mimic Shaggy's.

To anyone who really knows me, this video is a bewildering, extra ordinary, once in a lifetime sighting.

Freddy

Video by Normal Bob

I wish I could say to you all, Freddy's finally getting his shit together, a new place, new teeth, and a new positive outlook, but I've seen this Freddy before. It happens almost every spring, ever year, for the last 8 years.

All that said, at least he's got teeth. If he puts his mind to it, I think he might be able to hold onto those. That is unless he does something stupid and takes up chewing.

Stay in Skool

Video by Normal Bob

These are the same rug rats who were hassling Wendell last year. This time they're calling Fart Smeller "Feces Eater" and just being stupid kids exactly like they're supposed to be doing.

Then came the wisest man of Union Square in this video I titled "Stay in Skool."

Raver

Photo by Normal Bob

You can be sure a fashion statement has reached it's end when you can hear people around you verbally expressing sorrow for the person wearing it.
OWSing the Wall

Photo by Normal Bob

Did you know there's a reason they make the walls shaped at the top? They do it to discourage sitting down! It's something they purposely designed and built for a park so people have less options of places to relax and be comfortable.

No matter. There's a way to OWS your way around this kind of bullshit! You just gotta position your body just right, and ignore any discomfort you may be experiencing.

"Who's Wall?! Our Wall!"
That's OWSing


Stabbed

Video by Normal Bob

This is the story of how Josh got stabbed in the heart at a party last weekend. Also featuring Wendell the Garbageman.

Video by Normal Bob

Spidey
Story by Shaggy
This is my hero junkie, Spidey. I usually get annoyed with junkies, with their bullshit, lies and nodding out between sentences, but with Spidey my man is always on the go, hustling around the East Village figuring out ways he can make some quick cash for his next fix.
Spidey has a lot of character, which most junkies don't have. He sings, plays guitar, and even runs around the city dressed as Spiderman. Never in my life have I met a junkie with so much talent.

During the wintertime I would sit at Starbucks and just hassle junkies and lowlifes to get me through the shitty months.

Whenever Spidey came to Starbucks I would praise him like some kind of junkie god, because we both knew he would do something that would be entertaining. The first thing I would do is scream his name so he would come over to me. He would have an empty Wholefoods bag folded up nicely in his hand. Mind you, most junkies and lowlifes usually carry Duane Reade bags. This just shows you my man Spidey is ahead of the game. Spidey would start talking to me explaining step by step how to steal bags of coffee beans in front of the customers and employees without getting caught. While he's in the middle of explaining everything to me he will excuse himself, walk over to the coffee beans that are 5 feet from the register, pop open the Wholefoods bag, fill it up super quick without one person noticing, come back over to me and continue where he left off. He will then tell me you don't leave so fast because if you do you will make it obvious. He then tells me he knows a guy that buys coffee beans two bucks a pop.

Minutes, or should I say seconds later, Spidey is out the door with the shopping bag filled with coffee beans.

The last time Normal Bob and I saw him at Starbucks I got so excited I screamed Spidey's name and the whole place heard me. Spidey told me too many people were looking at him (thanks to me) so he wasn't going to be able to steal coffee beans. He posed for a picture with me and took off. [see video]

Spidey has nothing to worry about because there's a Starbucks on every corner. And as long as there's a Starbucks he'll never have to struggle for his next fix.


Photo by Normal Bob
Story by Shaggy
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Insults written strangely are describing strangers I have to see every single day and I don't want them to be sure what it means either.
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