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I am not a superstitious person, as I've made gravely clear for the last 13 years on this site (this month is its 13th anniversary), but 13 seems indeed an unlucky number, and 2013 has been representin'.

There've been several deaths at the Square, and last week (Fri the 13th) we lost Lower East Side legend LES Jewels. There's also been the most changes at the park I've seen to date, many of which I would not say for the better. But today's FEATURED VIDEO isn't quite so dramatic.
You think you know someone after more than a decade of hanging with them, but then they answer a question you've had for years about themselves! Our friend Greg sums up two of these videos beautifully below. I hope you enjoy.



Video by Normal Bob

A few words from our friend Greg –

" 'Lazy Mouth,' with 'Shaggy's Showtime' as a companion video, are the best few minutes I've had all day today. You need to watch the former if you know Shaggy (a.k.a., Skater Bob). And I don't mean "know" as in, you want to "'know' where he is so you can beat the shit out of him for that one time when..."

In Normal Bob Smith's video's, when Shaggy is not going-on about something he disagrees with (which is fun to listen to, most of the time)--and he's totally just chillin'--Shaggy's complete lack of inhibition, his story-telling, his laughter, and his smile, all make me very glad to know him and be able to experience his amazing personality. "Shaggy's Showtime" demonstrates this well, and I think, is a fucking masterpiece.

Also, these moments have the added benefit of making it easy to forget the last time he was a dick. Thanks, Normal Bob for your tireless documentary efforts, and pass along my applause to Shaggy for being totally Shaggy."

Greg / a.k.a. DJ Snakeface


Photo by Normal Bob

It's sad to say, but I rarely get to see any true original style come through the park any more. And it's not just here, but in NYC in general.

There sure as hell aren't any more Scenesters around, unless you're talking about the ones who are too old and looking lonely with their Fix Gears on Scenester Island. And the Graver population has withered away down to almost zero. And besides the epidemic of bearded hipsters as far as the eye can see for which an easy argument can be made I am one, it's been a styles wasteland.

So when do I see someone who's actually doing something, I cheer and run to it, despite how photogenic she might actually not be.

Matty Nobrains

Video by Normal Bob

If you've been dying to see the script flipped on Shaggy during one of his "asshole moments" then this is it.

Just yesterday (a couple weeks since this video) we saw Matty at the square who was coincidently sitting right beside us on the steps. He wasn't looking nearly as intoxicated as he was previously, so when we got up to leave for the day, Shaggy turned and said "See ya, Matty!"
And by his confused look and reluctant wave of the hand, it's clear he remembers nothing.

Now he's just another Park Rat who's found a home at the park.

Put me in a Hole

Video by Normal Bob

The Matty Nobrains video and this each took place on the same day. It was just one of those days.

I even have a couple other altercations caught on video from that same day I just haven't posted because they don't have any real context to show them in. I'm not sure how so many scumbags got their inner clocks so in-sync, but they really came through that last day of August.

This is another one whom I've seen since, and he remembers nothing. I always wish it could be left at that. But I know he'll make another appearance, and it won't be pretty.

Jaggalo Tattoo

Video by Normal Bob

I am ready to make the prediction that this one ICP tattoo is responsible for the demise of this guy who used to play with the band Cheap Sex.

I mean, imagine he hadn't gotten that tattoo, and after telling me to stop filming, he kept Shaggy's praise and walked away with everything.

Now imagine him again with the ICP tat (which isn't hard because this is actual reality), and the exchange happening multiple times, throughout the years. Again and again, at first being perceived as a relatible punkrocker by his peers, then shortly after being disovered as 1/32 Juggalo, leaving him hopelessly scavaging for pennies from strangers at the park, his only hope of retaining any sort of authenticity, dashed by any idiot familiar with hatchetman.
Imagine this over and over in the course of however many years it's been since he went to that show with his then girlfriend, and the possible effect it might have on someone of his nature.

I am prepared to write a complete thesis on this if anyone is bold enough to challenge me on my analysis.

Quarters in the Ears

Photo by Normal Bob

Guess who's back in town. That's right. Tits is back, and he's demanding we stop calling him Tits, and instead refer to him as Suave The Poet.

Video by Normal Bob

Shaggy couldn't be happier to see Tits back in town, which is fully expressed in this video.

Signs has Handcuffs

Video by Normal Bob

Listen people. Shaggy and I have warned you about what happens when a whole year goes by without Signs getting his ass kicked, and now he's got a pair of handcuffs!
Is everyone waiting to see him cuff some unsuspecting passer-by to a railing? I'm not even sure he's got a key to those things!

Whatever happens, I blame you people for not seeing to it that his ego's been allowed to sprout wings this year.

Maybe this is how bad luck year will go out with a bang?


Photo by Normal Bob

Can we just get off our goddamned phones already?!? People still very regularly make fun of me for holding onto my flipphone, but I'm proud to be visably separate from whatever this is that's happening to mankind.

Boots Strung Tight

Video by Normal Bob

So a couple days ago Joey stopped by after seeing this park to tell me how Meteor Smasher's recounting of what happened before I got there had come inaccuracies. That said, Joey, unless he or the kid purposely attempted to Meteor Smash you, you overreacted.

I'm not sure how much further this conflict should be dragged out, but I'm hoping the two can live together in peace at the park, because I like the Meteor Smashing performance, and I don't like many performances at the park!

We'll see what happens.

During the winter months I'll hang out at Starbucks, and if there are crusties they will see me and talk to me. If they're in a group sitting at a table in front where employees can't see them they'll usually invite me to drink some cheap alcohol. They're even known for sneaking their dogs in. The winter sucks, so who can blame them?

One night LES Jewels walked in. I have always been a fan of Jewels. He dresses cool. He acts cool. He's the real deal when it comes to being a crusty. Jewels and I have a special bond and I knew that before we met. We both worship GG Allin. Jewels sees me and sits down next to me. Usually Jewels is full of chaos so it's intimidating to approach him. We talk. He's seen me around and I was really fucking flattered. I would never think a legend like him would ever approach me. He's drunk off his ass, and I don't care. I was really happy to be in his presence. I fanned out on him and he really enjoyed the attention.

2/7/13 Shaggy & LES Jewels

The meaning behind the tattoos on his face is how he died 3 times. I heard stories about him and also did all the research on the internet on him.

When the Starbucks employees saw him, even though he wasn't wilding out they wanted him to leave. I know all the employees there so I stood up from the stair I was sitting on and explained to them who LES Jewels is. I let them know this guy is a legend and everyone knows him. They backed off, but Jewels wanted to leave to get a pint of vodka.

I walked to Saint Marks with him and he was staggering drunk, crossing the street with cars swerving and honking at him. He didn't give a fuck.
Total punk rock status.

We go through Saint Marks, and even though all the punk rockers see Jewels a hundred times a day they always stop and say "What's up" and talk. One thing I noticed about Jewels is everyone knows him but he's always solo.

He goes to the newspaper box for the east village paper and there's a picture of him. I'm fucking psyched on it! I get him to sign it because I know he's a true legend.

He goes to the liquor store on 3rd and gets his usual vodka. We sit on someones stairs on 3rd & 11th and he offers me some. I put on my iPod and play all GG Allin music. Eventually he passes out. I give him a tap on the shoulder and let him know I'm leaving to go skate off to Astor Place.

Jewels probably never remembered the night we hung out, but to me I knew it would be the most remarkable night of my life. He will always be a hero of mine.

RIP LES, Sept, Friday The 13th, 2013
Story by Bob "Shaggy" Crawford
Events described took place Feb 7, 2013

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Insults written strangely are describing strangers I have to see every single day and I don't want them to be sure what it means either.

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