Almighty sir:

Though my faith in you is certainly questionable, at least in the ways that the general "GOD" is presented to our culture, I found a pondering subject which you might also see fit to answer. Love? What are your thoughts on this tremendously touchy subject? The world is well aware of your thoughts on sex. (Which I think is hilarious considering you made us one of the only creatures that enjoy the process of procreation and then you tell us NO!) Does love really exist between two human beings or is it merely one of your parlor tricks? Any thoughts on the subject would be entertaining.

With my deepest and most humble regards,
Lynn (Her own God)
Oh Amen and stuff!


Ahh yes, Love. That's what I'm all about. Love is VERY real and it lasts forever, all of the time (like Me!). But along with love comes hurt. For instance I love each and everyone of you humans more than any love you'll ever know from anybody else, and when you do things against My will (like premarital sex without the intentions of making babies) it hurts Me. It hurts Me so much in fact, I have no choice but to damn your precious soul, and that hurts Me as well.

Oh but Lynn, if you accept My unconditional love and if you praise My Holy name I will not be forced to cast your precious soul into the torturous pits of Hell everlasting. Sound good? Don't start praying just yet! If you repent right now, not only do you get the unconditional love and avoid the horrors of Hell but you'll also receive for no extra charge an eternity in Heaven! I swear to you that Heaven is incredible! It's like being in love with Superman while on Extasy at the top of the Empire State Building on New Years Eve. How does THAT sound!?

Love, God

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