Dear Almighty Creator,

The Christians tell me that You know all, that You have always known all, and that You will always know everything, all the time. I believe the word that they used is "omniscient". Being omniscient as You are, I'd like to know something. You remember all that stuff about the original sin and the war with Satan and the fruit and such? Most of us down here on Earth aren't really happy about all that, and we would like to know why you didn't just prevent it from ever happening?

Oh, and they also tell me that You are "omnipotent", so I guess that means that You can do anything just by snapping Your fingers, or whatever it is that You do. So, just curious here, why did You go to all the trouble of having Your Holy Son put to death to save us from Hell when You could have snapped your fingers and said "Hey, you're all saved now. Praise me!"

Just curious and all.
Oh, and Amen, too.


I'm not one to toot My own horn, but yes I am both omniscient and omnipotent. What you don't seem to understand is that this is all your own doing. I just put the apple tree (and Satan in its branches) there. It's you folks who chose to be evil.

Say I'd snapped my fingers and just made everyone perfect. No sin. No temptation. No reason to crucify Jesus. What use would there be for Me? I mean I'm God dammit! I made everything. EVERYTHING! Where'd My thanks be? What do I get from the whole deal? That's right, nothin'!

So yeah, the whole "Believe in me and confess your sins" was My brainchild. I can see how you all might be annoyed this My plan, but Heaven is way too cool to just give away.

How cool is Heaven? How does an eternal back rub from half a dozen supermodels sound? It's that times ten!

Love, God

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