Dear God on High,

I am a good Christian: I go to Mass every Sunday; I recite those poem-things like the priest tells me to after confessing my sins; I don't say bad words; and I try to spread the word of Good News whenever I happen upon someone who I think will buy it. I also spend a lot of my time memorizing Scriptures

I know that all of these things should ensure my place in the Eternal Bliss of Salvation. However, I wonder whether a habit I have weakens my chance at Your Prize of Everlasting Glory: I like to visit

I heard about the blasphemous site through a Christian-support online bulletin board system, and I accessed in order to stage a proper protest wi. When I started reading the material, though, I laughed instead of feeling the familiar flush of righteousness. For some reason, I find that Bob Smith's ideas are insightful and humorous. And I keep coming back.

Does this mean I'm going to Hell?

Please respond quickly, as I wish to beseech the services of an Exorcist if you tell me my Soul has been tainted by the Demon Hand of Normal Bob.

Thank you, Lord.
In Your Service Eternal,


You have forgotten one of THE most important rules of Christianity. Whether or not you are entertained is unimportant. In fact, the similar ingredient in most evil things is the high levels of entertainment value that they possess. TV sitcoms, rock and roll, sex, snuff films, masturbation and any movie beyond the rating of "G" are all entertaining, and they are ALL evil.

I suggest that you end your selfish ways and instead of searching for ways to be entertained, search for the evil within the entertainment. Condemn those people who are generating the entertainment and condemn yourself for being entertained by it.

As for the Exorcist, you are not possessed by demons. You are simply PART demon. Part demon/ part angel. You must nourish the angel half and hate the demon half. Try to hate that half so much that you eventually kill that half of yourself leaving just the angel half. I wrote all about it in Peter somewhere. Speaking of which, you should pick up a copy of the Bible so that you can see for yourself exactly what I mean about entertainment being evil. It'll show you first hand just what I'm talking about.

Love, God

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