Dear Almighty God:

I hope asking two questions isn't against the rules -- or laws, or tenets, or commandments, or whatever (please don't take that as a dismissive whatever, but rather as a version of et cetera). If you can only answer one, you choose. If, by asking two, I've already doomed myself to Hell, I really don't think that's fair. Anyway, my first question is this: Why the big mystery? And my second question: Why does my back hurt?

Tanks, homey.
-- Greg


Greg,
 

I have few choices. I can't not exist. I am everything, always and forever. I'm not going to sit there on a throne tolerating you all at arm's length while you shower me in spineless, terror induced worship that you're all so fond of. And I can't kill myself. One of the drawbacks of being omnipresent.

So if you look at the big picture, you'll see that I have only 2 options.

1) Be a mystery and survive solely on word of mouth in theory and legend, keeping my followers guessing, letting mankind exist with little effort on my part while I enjoy the show watching you flail about for my own personal amusement. Or...

2) Rain down upon you all in a sweeping, thunderous fury of Holy Light and Hell Fire damning all predetermined wicked souls of past, present and future while simultaneously raising up the chosen few of every generation to the Heavens to live forever in My midst.

There you go Greg, 2 choices. Tell you what, I'll leave it up to you. Remain a mystery or thunderous rain of Holy Light and Hell Fire? You get back to me ASAP with your decision and perhaps with this we can solve that li'l ol' back ache of yours.

 
Love, God

 

Suddenly, my back's feeling a lot better.

Greg

 

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