Dear Glorious Lord and Savior,

With all the rules to get into Heaven, I have been wondering: Is there a minimum GPA requirement?

You see, I have been slacking this semester, and my grades are really bad. I have exactly two weeks of school left, and I would really like to know if I should pick up the pace to join You in Heaven. Looking at the average Christian, I would think intelligence has no place in Heaven, but it would be nice to have a definitive answer.

Your Humble Slave and Worshipper,
Mike


Mike,
 

I usually don't like to give out this information because I'd prefer if you'd give it 100%. But I guess it isn't much of a secret anymore.

The minimum requirement for getting into Heaven is screaming out this sentence a second before you die:
"Oh God, come into my heart and forgive ALL my sins Amen!"

In most cases this works. However this can't be relied upon if you're not aware that you're going to die (Gunshot to the back of the head, My Second Coming or if you're in a coma or something). But if you're lucky enough to know (Aids, death row inmate, suicide, etc...) the method seems custom made for you.

Otherwise the next best of the minimum requirements is dying before you're 13 years old. That's the age limit to a guaranteed Heaven.

I do hope though that you make the effort and worship Me, do good and spread the Good News, and I'm not talking about the "second before you die repentance" news!

 
Love, God

 

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