Dear God,

I would have never thought that things were the way they are in heaven. I just have one more question. Can you describe how big heaven is and where it is located??

Love your slave for eternity,

Amanda Hirada,

Heaven, Heaven, Heaven. Everyone always wants to know about Heaven. You know, just once I'd like to see the mass exit there'd be from the Christian religion if I retracted the whole "Heaven Promise".

How about this! What If I simply promised an Afterlife in a comfortable chair with a view and an everlasting cable hook-up? How strong would your "love" be then?! Then, I betcha if Satan promised paradise you'd all switch over and love him. Am I right?

Hey, I got your "Promise". I promise that if you worship Me, love Me and ask My son into your heart, I'll guarantee you mediocrity. 40 to 50 years of cheap housing, Earth tones, stone-washed denims and a "Walker, Texas Ranger" marathon 24/7/365. I bet your heart is pounding with a love so strong right now you can hardly believe it's all for FREE!

Well, don't you worry your greedy little heads. You'll get your "Heaven" and you'll all bask in the pleasures that it offers. Then, after 3 or 4 eternities have passed you'll forget that it's a GIFT, and you'll ask,
"God, is this all there is to Heaven?"

Ungrateful mortals.

Love, God


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