The ol' Puppy Pound. The Me, Myself & I 3-way. If there's
one thing that'll be the downfall of mankind, it's that big,
lonely "M"... and I've gotta watch.
Omnipresence really blows when it means being front row center
for Grandpa Slappy's bathroom tile joyride. Sure you get your
occasional looker, but it's mostly butt-faces that're home
alone on a Friday night flirtin' with their crotch. And I've
got to log it into My Sin Book in lengthy detail and
replay it on Judgment Day. It's totally awkward and a real
I wouldn't be so against it if you were fantasizing about
Me. I could write it off as some sort of worship or something.
But you're all a bunch of pervs! You wouldn't believe the
stuff you folks jerk-off to. There's no rhyme or reason. No
consideration for what's Holy. If a lie makes Baby Jesus cry,
masturbation is the equivalent of rubbing your groin on Him.
don't care that you're not hurting anyone down there, you're
makin' us sick to our stomachs. So knock it off!