Hey, god. why are you sucking so much lately?

Allegedly, during bible times you were raining sulpher and sending locusts and so on, what happened? when did you lose your cool, man? i mean, at least allah's will suicide bombs israeli buses... whitey christians are lucky to get a sweat stain that looks like jebus! if you don't shape up science is gonna kick your infalliable ass. science blows shit up. people like that. people just don't like dieties that don't smite. what's keeping them in line? your infinite love? no! wrath keeps people in line! no wrath - no line. no line - suckiest god that ever did suck.

just tryin to help a brotha out yo. word


I have the most fun doling out My wraths when I'm standing here with you on Judgment Day. Your facial expressions are priceless! You haven't lived until you've seen some old lady getting' sent to Hell for stealing a peppermint stick when she was 12.

Anyways, I'm through twisting arms to get you into paradise. You can believe if you want, but honestly we're not dyin' to have another mouth to feed. Besides, locusts and plagues only convinced the cowards and weaklings. Although the crowd coming' through hasn't really improved much since.

Love, God


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