Oh Mighty God, Lord of Heaven and Earth:

I would like to thank You for all the happiness in my life, which is simply good friends and good weed (and a little loving from random people, but that is besides the point). I am also thankful for the free, flowing taps of Mr.Pibb at 3:00am. I am thankful for all You've bestowed upon me. But I would like to ask You for your strength at this time in my life to help me decide who is the man deemed worthy to receive my play. If only You can help me with this one trouble, I may greater serve You in all Your glory.

Amen


Natilee Harren,
 

I am NOT your Magic 8 Ball! I am the Almighty, All knowing GOD! I am the Way, the Truth and the Life! Not your matchmaking dating service!

I have condemned you ALL to eternal pain and suffering by the merciless hand of Lucifer himself! You are ALL unholy! And only by the grace of Me do you have a chance at peace!

Stop dwelling on your groin and take a moments thought about the future of your ETERNAL SOUL!

Or you could include some bikini shots of yourself so that I can fully evaluate your particular situation more accurately.

 
Love, God

 

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