Dear Almighty and Revered Father,

I have a question for you. Is dyeing your hair a sin, because it is unnatural? Also, which of my hair colors did You like the most, oh Blessed Father? I am partial to the red, but I would love to have your Blessed Input.

Amen, and Hallelujah,
Samantha (member of Your Most Holy Methodist Church since 1982)

P.S. Enclosed is a recent photo of me in my red incarnation, for Your Perusal. Amen.

Samantha Ploetz,

Dyeing your hair? DYEING YOUR HAIR?!? I am the Supreme Ruler over all creation! I hold a million supernovas in the palm of My hand. The light of a trillion suns shine from my eyes. You have inherited original sin, that which is enough to damn that Crayolaed head of yours forever! FOREVER! I will not waste my infinite wisdom critiquing your latest hair whim!

Although red is really cute on you.

Love, God


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