Hello, I am writing to you with a concern: I was wondering if there were any terms or conditions under which gay people do not go to hell. I'm looking for a loophole or something, because I would like to spend eternity with you.

Thank you for your guidance, J. Xavier Goodchyld


Xavier,
 

OK, if you are gay, here's what you gotta do. First off, no more GAY SEX! Fantasizing and masturbation is one thing, but gay sex is a one way ticket to Hell!

Now the next step to overcoming gayness is this. Picture in your head the perfect gay sex partner. Ok, got that? Now gradually switch that person's sex to the opposite. Change their clothes, replace their genitalia, remove/add Adam's apple, and so on. When you're finished, you'll be thinking like a heterosexual! That's it! It's just that easy.

There ya go. So now you... oh yeah. Don't forget to flip flop the basic structure of ideals which are your capacity to love and attract love to the appropriate gender too. That should do it.

 

Love, God

 

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