G'day Almighty Ruler and Creator of All Things Living and Dead,we were just wondering how You're doing today.

Amen,
Myra & Djoek


Myra & Djoek,
 

That's a very thoughtful and sensitive question. Hmm, how am I doing? OK Djoek and Myra, I'll tell you how I'm doing. I am trying to be God over a planet that I hope to one day make entirely Christian.... AND I'M TOTALLY FLIPPING MY LID! IT'S COMPLETE MADNESS DOWN THERE!

No one really believes in Me! I am God over this whole empty universe and you guys are the closest I've gotten to totally Christian! It's appalling! Have you switched through the stations lately? Have you browsed over a magazine stand in the last 20 years? How 'bout this Djoek, have you looked in the mirror lately?!?!

It's like I to have to wipe out a whole nother race... again! First with the dinosaurs! You've no idea how far those things were from loving Me! Have you ever tried cuddling up to a crocodile? It's not exactly a prescription for the blues.

So then I made cavemen. Christ! Could they kill a mood! And those slopeheads were worshipping everything BUT Me! The sun, rocks, fireflies! Yeah that's right, FIREFLIES! I created the human soul and these knuckle-draggers bowed down to bat food! I tell ya, it was a joy squashing them under My thumb!

Oh, and then I made Adam and Eve! Those bastards sold me out for an APPLE! Goddamned PRODUCE is all they needed to stab a knife in the back of their Master! And then their kids start murdering each other?!?! Fucking MURDER! Can you believe it? And I was hardly a generation into the race! I waited too goddamned long to drown that big mistake.

OK, so after the flood I'm thinking that it couldn't get any worse. So you know what you folks did? YOU EXECUTED MY SON! HA! YEAH, I KNOW! I mean what the?!?! I was utterly speechless!

And now there's you guys. You with your adult oriented entertainment, walk-man radio playin', cockfights, road rage, half T-shirt contests and pimp daddies. It's hopeless. I guess that I just don't have the knack for building a fan base.

So yeah, I'm doing peachy keen. Thanks for askin'.

 

Love, God

 

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