Dear Almighty God,

I have a very special problem. You see, I currently live in Minnesota, which is a bible-belt hellhole, as you know, and I don't believe in you at all. I am a 29 year old atheist punk girl who is having a difficult time finding any gentlemen friends with whom I can hang out and aggrivate christians. It seems that there are plenty of dudes in Minnesota, but the cute atheist ones are in short supply. Should I move to another state? Where does an atheist girl go to meet young atheist guys? I went to a Minnesota atheist meeting, but everyone else there was over 50 years old. Any advice would be appreciated.

Amen
Denise

Denise,
 

My Word says "Do unto me and I will provide unto you", or something of that nature. What this means is that you need to become a Christian, go to Christian functions and meet Christian gentlemen.

Honestly I think you're asking the wrong guy. You see, I'd actually prefer it if the whole world were one huge Bible Belt, and I would discourage you from aggravating Christians in the first place.

You're really setting yourself up for an eternity in Hell because that's My wrath for thinking I don't exist. And to sum up, I suppose that I'd rather atheists (and anyone who's non Christian) be single and lonely forever. It'd help promote My thang.

  

Love, God

 

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