Dear Almighty God in Heaven,

Did You give women periods because Eve ate the apple? I'm asking because I know I wouldn't have eaten the apple if you had told me not to. I have a very mild personality and blindly accept authority, and I was wondering if maybe You might at least take some of the pain away, or make a better non-prescription painkiller. I would take more pills, but the container says I can only take 2 every 4 hours. Of course, if You say it is safe to take more, I'm sure Your authority overrides that of the painkiller manufacturer.


Oh, and about the apples on the tree of knowledge... If Adam and Eve weren't supposed to eat them, then who were they for?

Amen again.

Kathleen Lavallee,

Oh, you would have eaten those apples. Given enough time you humans always give in to temptation.

At first you wouldn't take the bait, but then I sent in Satan and he got Eve to help Me out with Adam. You guys were doomed.

Fact is, I would have just kept pushin' it on ya'. I would have made you sleep under that tree, eat off apple patterned place mats, even make you bob for apples as a form of worship. I had this apple chewing sound effect all cued up ready to play day in and day out until you gave in.

Trust me, you would have eventually eaten those apples,
and now you must pay


Love, God


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