So whenever I'm feeling down and out and I think that no one cares any more (usually on days when I don't get any hate mail), I indulge myself and put up
A page of Fan Mail
And I tend to focus on the girls, so please bear with me.

I just wanted to let you know how you have saved my soul. I was a sinner until I found your site. The dress up Jesus site that is. I think it is such a blessing that you have made it where I can come to your site and when ever I feel the urge come and dress up Jesus in the coolest hippest clothes that you personally provide for us. I was angry all these years for my mother not buying me a dress me up Barbie, now I can play with the ultra cool messiah of fashion. The Dress Up Jesus! ;)

Keep up the good work! Love- Vanessa
www.vanessa.irni.net/

Bob, Thank you ever so kindly for creating your web site. I know that there are others out there like me who can and will appreciate your astounding wit and sarcasm. I love every bit of it. The divine bovine takes the cake, followed closely by the hangman's plastic bag and poodle, the movie reviews, and Jesus' antlers and red nose.

I am sorry that you must waste so much of your time responding to a bunch of humorless zealots (lemmings?), but it does make for some pretty hilarious reading material! Please continue to use your wonderful talents. This web site is obviously a source of great happiness and fulfillment for you. I am sorry that I am unable to donate a dollar at this time. I hope that someday you will be able to follow your dream and quit your day job.

Alas, I have no picture to send with this email. (I know that you will take care of that.) I can assure you that I would not look good in rubber pants, however, I have been blessed with an incredible pair of hooters. I cannot wait to see how you imagine me to look, and I would be most pleased to receive a response. Thanks again and if you don't mind would you please pass a short message on to your physically fit girlfriend? Please tell her that she is very, very lucky to have a boyfriend like you!

A fan forever,
Aaryn

Aaryn, the girlfriend that I spoke of then is no more. We have parted ways and I am single once again.

So if by chance you look anything like the picture I have imagined you to be, feel free to visit me with a box of candy (fancy mints) and a dozen white roses.

Who knows, you could be the next very, very lucky girl to have a boyfriend like me.

Bob

 

Sometimes the level of fan-dom can be hard to judge, but I think this person ranks a 3 on a scale of 1 through 10.

Hey,

Ya, I'm a Christian and I couldn't be happier in any other religion. Yes, I do know that for a fact because I have studied other religions. Anyway, to move on.

Exactly where does it say all catholics go to hell? Im not finding it, but maybe you did, and I would just like to know where it was. Another question....what kind of church did you go to? I'm Baptist. Ok well I need to go. Write back soon.

Tah!
Brandi
Tabbi11@aol.com

Yes, but don't you think you'd be happier in another religion? ...Oh, never mind. You beat me to my question.

I was raised Evangelical Free Christian and though they never said "Catholics are going to Hell" the implication was that some Catholic beliefs were absolutely off the mark which meant that their salvation could be at risk. I think that it's on page 412.

But you're missing the joke. My intention was to depict the absurdity of religion by pitting their trivial differences against each other causing them to turn on themselves and self destructing, thus eliminating all religion as we know it. But explaining it takes away the "funny"... you're such a killjoy.

Bob

Wow...that sounds like my own plan of world domina---nevermind. Yes, I am a killjoy. Anyway, so what do you call yourself now? (Ok seeing as you think like me..all jokes aside!)...what religion do you associate with? Atheism is a choice.Of course trying to get rid of all religion would totally confuse the question...or just me... Anyway. I personally do not believe that your actions send you to hell...just the fact that you aren't saved. I thank you for your ability of being able to state your point of view in your last email without killing mine. Have you looked at other churches? I mean there's Methodist, Baptist, and many others.

Brandi
Tabbi11@aol.com

Brandi,

I don't believe that there is any God at all, therefore I am an atheist. I took your suggestion and tried out Methodist, Baptist and many other churches but each of them think there's a God. I was quickly hurried out and pushed into the street where the godless belong.

Bob


Then I got this anonymously...

If you're out there doing these horrible things to me, feel free to send me a screen shot of your masterpiece. I like knowing exactly how you feel.


Bob, what can I say ... I'm completely empathetic toward your situation. I'm only fifteen and already I've personally experienced the insanely large amount of bigots within the Christian religion. I'm a Wiccan from Pittsburgh and we're swarming with them here. I have gods just like them and if a website designer was to dress one of them up I would be secure enough in my faith not to get offended, and obviously they aren't. The only thing they can do is quote that damn book and preach to you in the streets, but never once have I heard something profound fall from their mouths. I in no way hate Christians, nor hold a bias against them, however I'm beginning to think that some have the mental capacity of a rock.

They follow each other around like lambs, lacking opinions and personal direction. I noticed in some of the responses to your hate mail you repeat the same thing over and over but they're too self-involved to notice. They are so concerned about getting their own point across they ignore yours. These loving and caring people also seem to be the first ones to use the word hate. I was actually raised Christian, and went to a Christian school up until eighth grade. And do you know what that instilled in my faith? Nothing! They are a bunch of lying procrastinators, who do nothing but ask for money. They had the choice to go to that website and they made the wrong choice obviously. Many of them say friends gave them links, yet knowing full that something they didn't want to see was on there they looked at it anyway. BUT, since they're Christians (and never wrong may I add ) they had to take it out on you. That's like saying you came upon a porn site and accidentally signed up for a six month membership. Since this email is lacking a point I'll just conclude by saying you should be proud of your hate mail, it just let's the writers' true "intelligence" all hang out.

Your site is rad!
Kristin

PS I know you're prone to mocking outdated slang, so I've included a carefully selected word above for you to have fun with.

Hello Bob,

I appreciate your website for the content and the art. It's hard to find other like-minded people in the world. Never having belieived in any organized religion or otherwise, I can't help but think christians are stupid. I feel bad making such a broad generalization, but what would I think about someone that told me 2 + 2 = 5? It doesn't make sense! That's why I think it's hilarious reading the mail from these people, condemning you for your humour, yet their point of view is so unsubstantiated. Brainwashing, I say! > You're sick? I think it's a lot more sick to dedicate your life to a made up story from a time no one is alive to tell about, and truly believing it. That is the downfall of society, not people that base their decisions/lives on common sense and morality. Self proclaimed "good christians" might do something nice for somebody, but are they doing it because they don't want to go to hell or because they're nice people? I (sometimes) do nice things, but it's because I want to. Not out of fear of hell.


I like how in the letters, people say "I'm might not be the perfect christian...". Why aren't they the perfect christian if they believe it to be true? If the world were truly the "christian bootcamp of life", I'd be doing what I was supposed to. Hypocrites. I believe that way back when modern society was coming about, the catholic church were wealty from all the pillaging. Therefore they had an advantage over the common people. They realized that the majority of people in society couldn't read, so they commissioned artists to depict the bible in art, so the brainwashing begun. And artists had no income other than from churches and royalty, and that's why all the art from that period is either god-related or king-related. Basically, they were the first corporation using advertising. And that's all it's about. All the simple peasant people (the majority) were dumb and were scared and did what people told them, and multiplyed for generations, and so on. I just can't figure out, with all the obviousness of religion being so wrong, why people still get angry when you tell them there is no god, and they're just weak minded can't-face-reality people. It's a serious psychological problem to make up an alternate reality to deal with unpleasant happenings in life! Why can't anybody see that! So damn right I'm gonna laugh at "Dress-up Jesus", I'm gonna laugh at every preist that molests a 12 year old boy, and I'm gonna laugh at every loser that doesn't make any pro-active decisions/actions in life their sad sorry life because "It's god's will". Sheep is a good word. Words that can be substituted for shepard are Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Fidel Castro, and any other asshole that knows how to manipulate weak people.

Anyway, thank you for letting me rant because I haven't really found anyone that would ever in their life sit through a conversation like that without screaming/yelling/crying/killing me, etc. other than my brother. Hopefully you understand that it's nice to get it all out. You must, other wise you wouldn't have gone to all that trouble in Illustrator. That comes from the heart
: ). I'm an artist too, and would also like to express all my rantings and ravings somehow. I need to get Dreamweaver, though. Maybe if you're interested I send you some pictures I've done. I'm a graphic designer by trade, but I enjoy drawing fine art/cartoons and stuff. I need to figure out how to make a living at it. If for some reason you find my letter stimulating and you'd like to post it on your page (not being egotistical, just worried) please don't put my email address up because I don't need any of those nice, god fearing christians driving by my house laying their vengeance upon thee.

Thank you,
Sara

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