Will the real fans please stand up?

Send in your fan mail, include a picture, and if it's interesting enough, I'll post it.


More delightful fans and the pictures that they sent me.

Thanks so much for being who you are and for creating such an intelligent site. I dont care what people are fucking with, whether it be God, America, themselves, etc. As long as they are able to step back and not take things so damn seriously and just have fun with everything. After all, life is rather amusing.

I think people with a humorless religion and life must be very empty people. So thanks again for being who you are, making me laugh, and a special thanks for all the low blows to christianity, Im sick of being told that i cant smoke bud, drink too much smirnoff, fuck who i want and have a "dirty mouth". You have great material! Keep it up.

Love, Hannah

Hi bob.

Im that girl that sits in the back of the class and everyone calls a freak,Samantha. Well anyway your site is very awsome. I love it because i always wanted to dress up Jesus and have revenge against a Bob. I would die without your site. Keep up the terrible work.

Freak Geek,

p.s. check out my art, it's way better the yours!


Just thought I'd let you know how great your site is. It's nice to know that there are people out there who think the same way as I do! Your hate mail is simply hilarious. It's like, the entire ass end of humanity decided it would be funny to e-mail you. But don't take it personally, Bob, I get the same e-mail. I don't even dress up Jesus! Jeez!

What do these people want from us? I was thinking of writing a book on Haysoos, the other, other savior. Selling it at flea markets, claiming to people that it is thousands of years old. Then I'll get famous and build churches. Think of all the money I could make. God Bless those Collection plates!

Anyway, I really love your site, it's really quite awesome. Keep up the great work (and keep the green hair! It looks awesome!)

Much Love Rock On!

Let me start by saying that I encourage everybody to email me anytime, all the time. If it hasn't been made clear to you already, I will do with your emails as I please with emphasis on "funny" and "true" (in that order). With that said, I shall now reveal to you an example of what not to do.

I present to you Jeremy Watts. On August 9th, 2001 I received a peculiar email that immediately rose my suspicion and sent me on a search for the truth. It didn't take long for me to expose this letter as fake and contact Jeremy Watts for answers.

Here is the letter.

you are a strange one. of all the things to do why would you discrace YOUR LORD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I mean, come on man...he is your personal savior is he not. Has he not done you right in the past? Has he not given you everything you need in this life. Take a good look in the mirror bob...look at this photo of me and tell me you dont see similarities there. We are brothers. Please realize this so i won't have to cry for you when we are both in our separate afterlifes..See you in heaven i hope.....

Love, Sol
Jeremy Watts

I don't know if it's boredom, disdain, stupidity or just attention seeking, but when I receive emails filled with lies, I will expose them! I have many tools and resources that I use to authenticate suspicious emails. Jeremy Watts made it easy because on May 10th, 2001 he entered my Hate Mail Retort contest with this retort...


Hi. You do not know me. I am replying to a letter that you sent to one Mister Bob Smith. I will attempt to arrange my sentence structure smoothly and coherently so that you won't have to exert too much thought power in decoding it. Anyshit, you didn't seem to explain why you didn't like Bob's site. You see, you have to explain these things to Americans. We are so faaaaaar behind you easterners, in an evolutionary sense, what with hardly any technology, food, practically no military or a decent education system, that we don't just instinctively KNOW what people mean when they tell us a simple statement. I, however, thought the site was hilarious. Probably one of the more entertaining sites on the web, in fact. Perhaps my entire perception of your letter was just a big misunderstanding. Is referring to someone as a "freak person" some sort of praise in your country? And what's this mess about Anthony Hopkins ought to teach him some better things? I was unaware of Mr. Hopkin! s' theological disposition, but i assume you understand he has some kind of Christian paradigm. I must say i find this puzzling. Didn't you see INSTINCT? I took that the whole point of that movie was that man was basically an animal that intuitively knew how to live on this planet without a deep sense of fear or anxiety; and that it was his 'dominator' (christian) heritage that had made him so fucked up. Of course, i guess he didn't write or direct the film. Like i said, maybe I have this whole crazy mess from the wrong angle. Afterall, I DO live in the United States, where we have no clue, right?

Silly me - Otto Nomous.

(bob - keep up the good work...by the way i couldnt send any prayers to the holy one, no default emailer, was hoping you could just send me, or post the address. and i'm not exactly a webmaster, but if you wanna check out my site for shits and giggles its...)


So Jeremy, both of these emails are from you? Please explain.


Hey, i was bored...plus i dinna place in the retort contest....i am not impressed. I am, however, impressed with your keen eye for flim-flammins....props.

Jeremy Watts

I also got this letter from a fan that began innocently enough...


hey could u possiblely send me a link to ur hollywood jesus dress up page? caz i am underage and dont have a credit card and i don't think my parents would let me use theirs to see a web site. thansk so much if you could, i'll try to give u a buck or more in the future when i get a credit card!


I've got a deal perfectly worked out for people in your situation. If you can give me something to use on my site I'll send you the link for free! Take a look at how Dexter did it.

If you can figure out something cool that I can use on my pages I'll send you the link.



okay...well i think this may be useful, please don't put my e-mail address down anywhere caz i get enogh junk mail and i don't wanna get ppl from ur site e-mail me randomly...

okay well this was odd and i though somewhat pathetic but totally jesus-ish so if you wanna trade the site for this info thats cool? i don't really know what else you want.


No Adam, this won't cut it.
I get emailed this jesus.com site 5 times a day. Do something yourself.



as in what?? dexter's stuff didnt help me at all w. what to do

Did you read my suggestions to him? Send the JesusDressUp.com URL to a friend that you think will not appreciate it. Get their response to you and send it in. That'll be enough. Do anything.. it'll be worth it. Bob



hi again, well i e-mail my unlce your web site, wrote Information on the Life of Jesus and linked it to your site. See my unle is extremly religion(christian) and believes in jesus and all that stuff. Well it certinly put his panties in a bundle.

I **** out his e-mail address and his last name just so if he goes back to your site, he won't read his e-mail address, but you can put all of this on ur site or not. I think this is what you wanted me to do, and my uncle did call my parents but they don't like my uncle so i told them i never sent anything...hehehe i think that this reply from my uncle deserves to see the hollywood web site thanks

You've sent me such a disusting web site. I am truley upset with the actions you've taken on your faith and how you have disrespected me and my religion.

I am planning on contacting that web site and telling how unhuman that site is. Please don't ever e-mail me anything that is trash and dirty and disrespects myself and my faith. I hope you are truley ashamnet of yourself. Tell your parents that they will recieve a phone call from me.

Sincerley, Adam

OK, I sent the kid the Hollywood Dress Up link.
I imagined him speaking aloud in an adult voice while he made up the letter.
"I am planning on contacting that web site and telling how unhuman that site is."
I don't know, I thought it was kinda cute, don't ya think?

Dearest Bob:
I think that I have read so much hate-mail in the past 45 min from your site to make one believe that you are a god yourself. It blows my mind how much one can say that they are in the light of love from God and can't look past your site. It's good to know that they believe in what they preach. They don't want the next gothic/ Satanic (or satintanic)/ Buddhist individual making a comment on their site...but they have free rain? Did one forget about "forgiving and forgetting," All for one and one for all, and Can't we all just get along?

Well, Bob, I have to give it to you. I'm a support of the arts and despite that shit that you have to put up with, it's good to have a pat on the back. Or someone saying thing one is impressed with your work. I'm in awe of some of the drawings that you have on the site. Mr. X is wonderful...but how sad. I have to give you two thumbs up and a question while I'm at it. Would you ever sell some of your work? I dig the Winona and Lorel pencil drawings...I love the thin hands and starry eyes.


I think that will do for the questions and bowing...lol It's people like you that push threw and make it passed the hate and disbelief that make it out here in this world. Not many are able to cash in a reality check. When you get black and white, it's a computer. People sit behind a box and get enraged with something that they can click off or turn off and just walk away. But that there my friends is brains and common sense. Who knew that its possible for one to posses such powers?

Keep up the fantastic work!! I hope to see many more new art work in the future :)
"Everywhere one seeks to produce meaning, to make the world signify, to render it visible. We are not, however, in danger of lacking meaning; quite the contrary, we are gorged with meaning and it is killing us."

Thank-you for your time,

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