to my shock (and disappointment in you all), it has taken more than
a year for the address Normal
Bob Smith Fan Club.com to be reserved.
now it seems that one of my obsessed stalkers has gone and opened
up a Fan Club in
my name. I would have called the police if only she wasn't doing
such a wonderful job honoring her hero... me.
board, a chat
room, delightful pictures of me (that I was happy to donate),
and much much more.
told me that for ANY who come against me or the Fan Club, she'll
be more than willing to kidnap their pets (and sell them back at
a very high price). If you do not have pets, she will do something
unhappy to you that involves battery acid and a spoon.
out for good times, new friends, games, galleries and gossip. But
most importantly... Jesus Christ.
Just wanted to let you know I love your dress up jesus. I love your
twisted sense of humor. Hmmm kinda reminds me of me! lol Hate that
you beat me to it wished I'd had thought of it! You're great.
Now you need playtime jesus to go with a playtime mary haha.
me again Angie. I just read some of your hate mail and was roflmmfao.
I want you to be the mother of my children sweetie? Keep it up,
I love to piss off those jesus crispies!!!!! Hey this chick in this
community I am in had this idea for a halloween costume. It is Jesus
all covered in blood wearing a t-shirt that says "I was nailed to
a stick for you now give me some fucking candy". Just wanted to
share that with ya.
askmorgana or (Angie) .
|Morgana? I must
know more about you.
Please tell me now.
would you like to know? I am just a crazy ole bat. (haha). I check
my yahoo and hotmail addresses more often that is why I didn't get
this til now. Didn't realize you wrote me back? Sorry!
the looks of it, you are as nuts as I am!
been creating banners as they come to me... so be sure to check
them out every so often. They're all for you! Take them!
Real Fan who's eager to help out.
I thought it would be nice to let you know that I am
going to be the future mother of your children. I have
a tongue, as seen here>
so more than likely, our children will also have tongues,
and this is a GOOD thing. I do not cook, I will not
clean, and I refuse to take a bath without my rubber
duck and Mr. Bubble.
Please, write these
things down, you'll need them for future reference. Do you
have a wife? It doesn't matter, but in the case that you do,
we must now refer to her as "Lucy". Lucy will sleep with me,
not you. I will bring my cat, you must love her as you'd love
a hairy child. I really must start packing my bags, there
are many, and you shall carry them all.
Future Mother of your Children
p.s. Love the website,
your drawings turned me on *purrr*
the nameless bedazzler,
I have read your letter and I have seen the picture you have
sent. I accept your offer and would like to begin procreating
with you immediately.
will not cook. You will not clean.
I have recently purchased an 8 pound drum of Mr. Bubble and
a crate of government approved standard rubber duckies. I
will be personally supervising the baths you take so that
I can ensure that these items are readily at hand at all times.
If you refuse to take your bath I will then have to take matters
into my own hands, cleaning you by whatever means necessary.
have no wife, so feel free to bring a friend. Where shall
we make babies?
PS. I hope that your brow is pierced. It is a requirement
of the girl who'll mother my children..
must start thinking about baby names. You do realize
you'll have to meet my family, right? Don't fret, they
are good people. Before we begin mating, there are a
few things you might need to know about me:
1. Yes, my
brow is pierced, along with my belly button and tongue,
with plans of getting both nipples done as a birthday
present to myself
2. I am a
3. I am a
college student, which explains #2
can be seen here to give you some idea of what the future
mother of your children looks like...some pictures are
not very up-to-date, but for the most part, everything
is still in it's original position
5. I drool sometimes
6. I insist on
licking every drop of butter from my popcorn bags
7. A bed isn't
required, in fact, I prefer the floor.
If you have any
questions /comments/ ideas/ demands, please feel free to get
in touch with me.
then other Real Fans just want to help out with the Hate Letters...
...oh yeah. You're talking about the babies born from our
mating. How about we call them baby 1, baby 2, baby 3, and
so on? You get the idea.
back to you being a nympho! You aren't going to believe this,
but I'm a nympho too! I'm not kidding. I love sex.
I've also found that I'm very compatible with college girls
who have tongue piercings. I would ask however that you no
longer refer to yourself as "mother". And I'd be happy to
meet your parents some time down the road. 10 - 20 years?
Maybe at their funeral?
gonna have a blast. I've already used up 2 of the rubber ducks,
so you'd better hurry before I go through all of them.
i am a long time
reader of your website (well, is 2 months long? seems like
it...). i have enjoyed your artfully created site, your wonderful
artwork, and clever rebuttals. i was reading hate
mail #43, and was astounded by what Darlene had to say
about christian symbolism. she could not be more wrong!! it
is a documented FACT that christianity STOLE all it's iconography
from greek/roman mythology (and various other pagan mythology/art).
we learned it in Art History, Introduction to Midieval Art
(since midieval art is mostly religious, we had to learn the
histroy of christian iconography). here are a few points you
could email back to her, just to prove how false their idol
is (since it's based on paganism...).
1. the snakes entwined
around the pole is an attribute for HERMES, the messenger
of the greek gods (i can't remember his roman name, but same
guy). this icon for him has been around since pre-hellenistic
times (ie before 500 BCE). hermes is also known for being
the inventor of the lyre.
2. the rainbow
is the attribute for IRIS, goddess of such thing and chief
beloved attendant to HERA. same timeline on that one.
4. BC and AD were
added to callendars after the fall of rome, when time was
measured since the inception on the western callendar by Julius
Caesar (hence, the Julian callendar that we follow). after
Rome fell, people were stranded with religion, and the christians
being the greedy buggers they were, decided to rule everybody
and change everything so that no memory of the pagan times
would survive and nobody could convert back. (they didn't
particularly succeed, thank you Charlemagne, first Holy Roman
Emperor!) and actually, AD and BC haven't been used for a
while, instead BCE (before the common era) and CE (common
era) are used for such dillineations (sp?), in every academic
and professional field.
and one more for
good measure: 4. the church building itself, the BASILICA,
is directly taken from Rome. a basilica was a forum hall,
where justice was meeted out and people gathered to have audience
with the emperor (or his minion) for disputes. they just added
the cross bar to make it a cross, and even that wasn't added
until the 1200's (900 years after it was instigated as the
state religion in rome, leaving behind it's cult nomenclature).
keep up the good
work bob. and if you need any more help on iconography or
history, feel free to email me. i'm happy to give up the knowledge
i have won to help somebody else become a more learned person.