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Wonderful,
Beautiful, Super-Duper fans! |
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Every
so often I am totally blessed with praises from a beautiful girl.
All I can do is read and dream about what will never be... I swear
that it never gets old.
Here are some of the most gorgeous girls that have ever emailed
me who I will never meet in real life. Enjoy.
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Subject:
sexy yum you
tres
sexxy you are. yes moi saw piclet of you! hehe, yes
you are yummy. let me lick you. yes yum
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oh
normal bob
im constantly at ur site im addicted, you should know
this in fact in there right now, its sooo insane, lol
but i love it
emalee~
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Subject:
*Wants a big Chicago Hunk... Like Normal Bob Smith
Ok,
so I knew that'd make u open the e-mail. Scroll, there
are some secret messages in here too... : )
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Happy
Birthday! So, what's your flaw? sUiCiDaL 10dEnCiEs? Hey, off
the subject of flaws, do u smoke marijuana??? Happy
Birthday! Happy Birthday! What would it be like if the earth's
atmosphere was twenty-five percent THC? TRIPPYYY, right?
Happy
Birthday! Happy Birthday! Thirty-Sex, oops I mean Six, Double
D. Fun times Happy
Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Are you afraid of
clowns? What's with the obses- sion with porn? Absolutely
pointless............ Happy
Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! To you, To you,
Dear BBBBOOOOOOOBBBBBBB. To you. Happy
Birthday! Hey, do you know what today is? Hmm... Not God's
birthday... Can u say antichrist?? No comment... Happy
Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! How old are you
now, Bob? Come on, fess up...Happy
Birthday! Happy Birthday! Hey, are you getting bored yet?
I didn't think so. Happy
Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! LALALA... Not that
they were hard to find but... Didja find all of them? Are
you SURE????????????
Ok,
there are 9 secret messages... Mwah ha ha ha... Well, I'm
out, hope u have/had a good birthday! Oh, and you can reply
if you feel like bitching me out for wasting your valuable
time with an e-mail like this...
But hey, it was fun! Oh, and some of those secrets are questions,
right? I really DO wanna know the answers! Hehe. Well, I really
wanna reply to this, but I know it will probably take you
a while, so I'm gonna send it right now so you will have that
few seconds extra time, right? Right.
Luv,
Alicia*
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Bob:
I
have enjoyed Jesus Dress Up for a long time... I visit
and revisit it.... tonight was the first time I ever
checked out your main sight... during my explorations,
I came across the "Special People Club" and in turn
your hate mail section... firstly, I'd like to ask you
how you manage to keep so calm in your responses...
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when people choose to speak or write to me with such ignorance
etc. I find myself greatly angered... you are a talented artist
and I personally know of no one in my life other than my highly
religious mother that would not apreciate your work... besides
the religios aspect, people don't seem to understand that
there is not only humerous (in my opinion) content, but also
just plain excellent artwork that exhibits true talent...
I could only dream of one day having the creativity your work
brims with... I would tell you that I was a "true fan" if
not for fear of sounding like your good pal Stew...
"I
would like to ask you directly, how do you feel about human
life? Thanks for your time, Musey".
Why
does it matter? Why can't people just let your work speak for
itself... when speaking of art: in my opinion, my opinion doesn't
matter! and neither does yours or theirs or his or hers... We're
talking about ART... you look at it, you evaluate it, you critique
it... but nobody wants to hear how much you hate it, especially
people who like it... However, dispalying these people's opinions
is the right thing to do, because it is funny, annoying, and
sometimes agrivating, but what does your personal belief have
to do with whether or not you have talent?
| I
respect you a lot and I wish that other people would...
It's a shame the world can't open it's mind about religion...
I may be babbling because I do that often... |
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I
only want you to know that I apreciate you and your work, and
it if it lands me in the Special People Club, so be it!
~Heidi |
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I
get so excited when my fans email me,
and boy do I get some great letters. Take a look!
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hi what i messed
up site
Blinkthis182@aol.com
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I messed
up what?
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your site is messed
up
Blinkthis182@aol.com
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Try
refreshing the page. There are a lot of boneheads who don't give
it enough time to download before they start clicking around.
What software are you using? Maybe it's your server software.
Cool. So
hey, you'll have to tell me what you think of the site. I love getting
feedback!
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the site isnt bad.
Blinkthis182@aol.com
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Hey that's
great! What's your favorite part?
Do ya like how I'm humiliating Jesus?
Yeah! I
love that part! You seem pretty cool. Do you like Blink182?
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Hi Normal Bob,
I went to the
site linked from your site that had a "Bash-Bob
up." I was worried that I'd like that just as much
as the Dress-Up Jesus and the reality would be I just like
ANY interactive website.
It wasn't as funny,
besides you just look like a middle-aged ugly man. However,
I lied their "palatte of sores". It seemed a little more interactive
that I could pick your liasions and place them where ever.
Think you could do a Jesus of Tattoo's?
Colleen
TipsyGal@aol.com
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Hi
Colleen,
I
read your email today. Of course I can make some tattoos for
Jesus! I was hoping that you might have an original idea but
as it turns out I just like ANY ideas. There's
nothing really that clever about tattoos, but you seem to
me like just another stupid teenybopper girl. Think you could
send me a picture of yourself for my Fan Mail section?
Bob
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i have a site,
www.portalofpork.com
and i want to generate hate mail, how do i do so?
Christopher Godwin
Chris.Godwin@shawus.com
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•
Make something controversial AND original.
• Don't copy SeanBaby.com
• There has to be something worth hating.
• Funny pictures aren't worth hating.
• Do some stuff yourself.
• Don't just post links to everybody else. Everybody
else is already doing that.
• Be worth linking yourself.
• Being the site that other people want to link helps
get you traffic.
• Don't use ANY stock animation.
• That "THINGŁ" animation has got to go because is shows
everyone you'll post dumb stuff. Be clever.
• You also have to make your site easy to figure out.
• Some sort of plot or something.
• Don't leave so much room for ads. People see what you're
trying to do.
• Care about what you're doing. Everyone can tell if
you're just trying to be rude.
• Have your site be really really interesting so that
people want to pass it around to their friends.
• Make your site legible.
• Hot girls.
• Put your face up with your work. People don't complain
if there's no one to complain to. It'll also show that you
stand behind your "work".
• Be funny.
• Gear it towards kids.
That
should be a good start.
Bob
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I
am a 41-year-old, white rapper, screenwriter and poet. Please
check out my
website. My screenplay has not been produced. My
poems have not been published. I do not have a record deal.
MC
Potbelly
mcpotbelly@yahoo.com
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Subject: I have
OCD and need help
I've read books,
done therapy, and consulted with many for over 16 years without
any substantial progress. Among other problems, I need to
deal with a mental compulsion to break apart words and phrases
into symmetrical groups, the continual counting and sorting
of everything I see, and the uncontrollable parade of ideas
in my head competing for attention. This interferes with concentration,
impairs decision-making, and leads to frustration and depression.
I would welcome
suggestions, possible solutions, reference materials, referrals,
anything you might recommend. Please email me at ocdhelp4me@earthlink.net
Thank you for your
help.
Sincerely, John P. Clarke
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| I
surfed freely and landed suddenly on your "negative response" department.
Started to read what "bad christians" have written. Didnt bother anymore
- "Well another poor guy whose parents are priests or pastors," I
thought. Then I cheked Your site. It looked really stupid, like some
"satanistic" schoolboy had done it. OK, I thought - "God
ate My balls", lets read it. And the story was really good!!
Its sincere, touching, and so on. Then I cheked some other stuff on
Your site, and it was reasonable too. Thank God You are not a fucking
idiot like very many of typical blasphemists are. (sorry my english,
im an estonian barbar) And on the other hand, the so called "wize"
atheists are stupid smartasses too, wery often. And You are not. I
think you was forced to eat a lot of theological crap? And your own
brain started to produce the same sort of crap, too. And all the crap,
as I understand, fucked You up finally? As I understand Your parents
are not bad people, not some coldblooded fanatics? Just people who
belive, and try to "belive the right things", and not to argue. Not
to find answers. |
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My parents
were artists, nonreligious, but believers (we believed in God existence,
Jesus supernatural nature, higher spiritual states and so on.) We
had Bible, Bodhitšarjāvatāra, Dhammapada, TaoDeJing etc. My older
brother was a hippy who joined with orthodox church, some of my
friends founded a Buddhist congregation in Tallinn at soviet times,
and traveled to Buriatia, and so on. I was a punk, at this time.
I dressed at home as I want (on the streets I was caught by militia).
I had
enormous trust in God even then, just because God didn't f...k me
in the face. Of course, sometimes I found from Bible something that
didn't mix with my beliefs, violent things etc. Well, I thought,
the Book is written many thousands years ago. Its is written down
by many people. It consists of many different books, with different
conceptions. The books are written in different circumstances. Nobody
forced me to believe its "The Only Living Word of God". It was really
valuable antique collection of religious writings, to me. It didn't
disturb my relations with God (maybe it is typical to Estonians,
not to put between Bible and God?)
In some
age, I figured out, that this tsivilisation will make My homeplanet
a junkyard. That soon no quiet place is left. That fucking whitenoses
will conquer every step of the Earth, and shit on it, kill every
free animal, and put asphalt on every wild weed. (For me, You see,
frogs fart is prettier sound than Mozart's finest tune. (I like
these muddy fuckers!)) I was really worried about everything. Then
I started to figure out a plan, theoretically, what must be done,
to kill this tsivilization. I concentrated on stockmarkets, in my
plan. I wasn't crazy, It was theoretical, not obsessive thinking.
After few days, once, suddenly, God turned to me. I felt enormous
peace, relaxation, love to all creatures, freedom, unimportance
of all things. "Don't bother yourself, its not your problem," I
felt the message. Only thing that really exists is This. Everything
vanishes. Nothing is substantial. Nothing stays. Nothing is to be
worried of. I felt like baby in the mothers womb. I felt like a
lazy planet in the cosmos. Some people describe this as light. Some
as love. It is endless in both sides, without sides, measureless
in time and space, totally over of everything and not distant, unconcerned
and loving, indescribable.
I have
heard theories that the experience is gradual, that there is something
more to experience? I don't argue. I confess it was short glimpse
to the paradise. But now on I know what this is.
Years
went by, and I was ordinary freak as I have always been. Me and
my artschool friends made strange postpunklike music. Did even John
Peel show in BBC! Finished education and so on. Borders of Estonia
opened, and one finish rastafarian friend made us familiar with
marihuana. We did lots of joint, later lots of amf, later mushrooms
and E, and coke, and lsd, and psp (which one I liked most, it was
so mellow) My fellows were DJs, we made lots of parties, and had
lots of fun. But then we were invited in Holland. And we bought
a two kinds of lsd there. One was in a "mini dot" form, other was
on a paper. The minidot was good, but the paper .... jeh... khm..
mmmm.... not.
Raul
told me, Allan throw it away, its hell! He had tried it, and it
was horrible, horrible, horrible. But I was interested, and took
it. And the experience is indescribable too. I saw so much, that
I remember only a fraction. I was awake almost two weeks, my girlfriend
told. For me, time lost meaning. I this state of mind, I saw wary
many different kind of things, ideas, symbols, systems of symbols,
occult systems, frameworks of material, pseudo-mandalas, I saw inside
of thoughts of massmurderers, wrong-teachers, evil people, conceptions
of afterlife, theological questions, conceptions, every kind of
bullshit. I didn't know what is right what is wrong. I lost any
ground, if You know what I mean. And I was in great pain. World
changed constantly. For a while my mum and girl drag me to madhouse,
but then I passed the logic tests on a second day, and was free.
I was afraid to take sleeping pills, and they didn't work. Brain
worked on hyperspeed.
So I
surfed some two months. Finally I started to take haloperidol. It
suppressed me down, and it was so great to be normal again! ...
...Sorry, my wife called, and is forcing me home. chau! But You
cant escape from me, I am continuing my bullshit later.
by,
allan.
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