I know it's been
awhile since I've posted a page of fan mail. Maybe there's something
wrong with me but I always kinda figured you'd all be more interested
in the people who dislike me. BUT you have been emailing me saying
"MORE FAN MAIL!" so here's a page of good looking, fun-loving
fans with funny stories, questions, praises and pictures.
big fan of your site. I'm stuck in bed because I threw my back out
at work. I was just bored surfing around and I found this
site that a group of scary people made to help kids find
Jesus. They made comic characters of the good and evil people that
one might encounter. The Atheist is a goat named Mr. Gruff that
wears a wrinkled blue bathrobe and holds a cup of joe, which makes
him look more like an unemployed bachelor dude than anything else
to me. Beneath the drawing of Mr. Gruff, they put a stern warning:
If you find an Atheist in your neighborhood, TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR
be moved to try and witness to these poor lost souls yourself, however
AVOID TALKING TO THEM!
that there's a giraffe creatioin scientist in a lab coat who explains
how dinosaurs aren't extinct and where fossils came from. Anyway,
this site cracked me up and I thought you might find it entertaining.
I don't mind being one atheist in a crowd of christians most of
the time, but it sucks when I find something that's hilarious that
everyone else is afraid to laugh at.
Dear Bob- I've been contemplating on writing you and telling you
how awesome you are, but I didn't really know how to put it. I still
really don't, but oh well. Your Satan
Salvation comic honestly brought me to tears because I was laughing
so fucking hard. I absolutely love it. I must say making Jesus look
like a pathetic whimpering dumbass was the greatest idea yet of
how He should be portrayed.
FAVORABLE---FUNNY JPEG FOR BOB-----COMEDY
to NormalBob!!--Dude---Sir---Your Dark Majesty---Whatever---
I won't go into a long discourse
about why I LOVE your site at this time as I know you
get a lot of mail. I will just say that like maybe like
yourself the best years of my life were wasted chasing
the shallow promises religion has to offer.
become an atheist even if I wanted to thanks to the
intensive programming the backstabbing lizards at the
Boston Hairy Kreezna center programmed into my mind
since I was 12 and i'm 44! Atheist guys like you have
it made. I will also say that a serious inspiration
--no bullshit-- is seeing what one man can accomplish
with a computer, Dreamweaver, and the internet.
A few days
ago you posted p.179
and wrote about the over-amplified bigmouth holy-roller
prea- ching prick at the square. I hope he gets a look
at the JPEG I am attaching to this e-mail. You should
get a decent laugh out of it. I have a lot like it since
I work with Paintshop a lot. Enjoy it as it is the least
I can do in the fight against religious mind-control.
I honestly thank you for your efforts.
you for the free comedy and favorable, funny jpeg! You have
done great work with Paintshop! It will be a useful weapon
in the fight against religious mind-control.
fantastic self portrait! Were you on the cover of a magazine?
You weren't? It looks like you were!
Glad to see
you back online again - you've been missed!
I had a funny
thing happen to me the other day, and want to share
it with you and your readers. I would prefer it, though,
if you'd keep my email address off your site - I get
too much spam now.
Let me begin by
setting the scene: I'm sitting under a tree, waiting for a
bus. It's 90+ degrees outside - hotter in the sun. I'm right
at an intersection with a light. No bus in sight, there's
a small breeze, so I'm reasonably comfy and in the shade.
A small panel van pulls up to the light, which has turned
red for them. This van belongs to a radio station: W101.9
or B101.9. Advertising for the station ALL over the thing.
The fellow in the
passenger seat, a large black man (normally irrelevant, but
wait till you get to the end), rolls down his window and hollers
to me, "Hey, sugar, come on over here, I've got something
for you!" As he's calling to me, he holds up a couple of church-fan
type fans (the kind with the flat wooden handles, stapled
to a 10" by 10" square of posterboard - you all know the type).
He's wanting to help me keep cool, as well as spread the word
about his radio station.
Well, I'm pretty
comfy at the moment. I'd have to A) get up and then B) walk
into the sun to get the fans. After getting back to my seat
on the ground, I'd then have to C) fan myself. I holler back,
"no thanks! I'm in the shade, and I have a nice breeze here.
I'm fine, thanks!" To which the man says, "but it's hot out
here, aren't you..." trailing off as his mind suddenly changes
gear. "Are you saved, sugar? Is your soul saved?" I called
back, "Soul? What soul?"
This man - this
BIG, burly black man, who could probably pound me into jelly
without breaking into a sweat, gets scared. His eyes get the
size of saucers, he starts sputtering and starts to roll his
window up. He says, "you just stay out there!" - more sputters
- "You know you're goin' to " stops as the van is pulling
away *quickly*, and he rolls up his window the rest of the
I laughed SO hard!
I don't think I stopped chuckling over it for a minute or
two after he was gone, and I was alone again! I'm still chuckling
over it as I'm typing this!
been a fan of yours for a few months, when a good friend of mine
showed me your site. I think it's wonderful! I always check your
site every day to see if you've added something new. Obviously,
I am an atheist as well. I pretty much have been all my life, though
I didn't know the word for it when I was young. I've been raised
in Texas--so there's not exactly the most open-minded people around
here. Anyway, all my life I never really put much stock into God
or an afterlife or all the other things my family seemed so keen
on. I refused to go to church once I was old enough (Sunday school
Pre-K, ugh)--and oddly enough, no one in my family made a fuss about
it. In fact, it seemed perfectly fine with them for my somewhat
morbid obsession with books on cannibals, murderers, and other things.
But, oddly enough, once I used the "A-word" to describe myself about
a year ago, my mother went completely Nazi on me--as though she
had never thought my disinterest in God would mean I did not believe
in Him! Luckily, I moved out with a best friend soon afterwards
(she's the one who showed me your site).
shouldn't bore you with all of this though, I simply wished to e-mail
to you tell you how much I enjoy your site and that I'll be ordering
the Jesus Dress-Up magnets soon. I hope you keep up the good work!
the way, I'm attaching a couple pictures of myself, taken last Halloween
when I dressed up as Indiana Jones.
(pronounced like Rachel, but spelled better)
You look very nice in your devil costume!!
not gonna say I have a rough life, even though my childhood
was pretty shitty. I'm a stronger person because of it, but
for some reason, if there is a god up there, he decided to make
me the "nice guy". The one who always finishes last. The one
who always worries about someone else before himself.
Bob. I was thinking of putting HATE MAIL into the subject
of this email, in a desperate attempt to get you to
notice it, but I thought better of it. Truth is, I need
help, and being a big fan of your site, I thought I'd
turn to you, since you're very intelligent and seem
like a compassionate man. I'm not an atheist. I don't
really have beliefs, because I don't know what to believe.
I wasn't raised to be christian, but I was dragged to
church a few times when I was young. I chose not to
believe, because it never made sense to me, much like
you. I can't say this email is solely about god, because
it's not. However, sometimes I do wish I could believe.
I look for reasons to believe, just so I can hate "him".
I know that's not the right thing to do...
Perry didn't include a picture so I was forced to include
tend to get myself into messes that I can't clean up, because
there's alot of people out there who like to take advantage
of a kind heart. Sometimes I think about it, and wonder if
believing in god and letting jesus into my heart would take
a load off my back (I've been giving myself stress headaches
almost every day for nearly six months). I wonder if I'd just
plain feel better. But then again, that's silly. It's false
comfort. I've probably had alot more things to tell/ask you.
But I most likely forgot. I've been having a rough time.
I hope you respond to my email, or at least read it. I turned
to you because you think for yourself, and see with eyes unclouded
by gods and such. Thanks for your time, and I hope to hear
I know where you're at.
Fact is, make-believing to believe in it all isn't an option.
It just doesn't work. what happens is, the truth that you
know lingers back there like a rotting egg and the more you
ignore it the stinkier it gets. It doesn't just go away and
What you need to do is start fixing things for yourself. Some
of the best things to do is start expressing yourself creatively
and doing what ever else you can to make yourself a better
person. Sounds like fucking typical advice I know, but it
You want to know what I did when I was in your shoes? I said
fuck it, shaved some of my head, dyed the rest green, started
drawing and writing more about what I believed no matter how
much it sucked, and I threw out everything I was wasting my
time with before (mainly watching television). It was just
a matter of DOING SOMETHING! That's what makes people feel
good, when they're doing something. It may be work, and it
may take effort and you may even fail at it when you first
start out but it makes you feel better about yourself and
life, and it's taking control.
I hope I said something of value to you. It's not an easy
place to be, but you have every power to change it.
just want to thank you for responding to my email, and
thanks for the help. It's probably the same thing everyone
else has told me, but I guess I didn't pay attention
to them. Haha, I guess I look up to you more than them.
Kinda weird how I can confide in a total stranger...
seriously, you did help. I started drawing again, started
playing guitar more often, got back into my violent
video games (very good way to release agression), and
I started living for myself. I stopped doing things
I felt I had to do, and started doing things I want
I'm only 18, and my mother still tries to rule me with an iron
fist, but I'm doing what I can to be my own man. Hey that rhymes.
Once again, there's probably alot more I wanted to say, or ask...
But I'm forgetful sometimes. Especially when I'm emailing somebody
as FUCKING AWESOME as yourself.
I haven't told you already, I'm a huge fan of the site. My
girlfriend ordered two Jesus Dress-Up magnets, one for me
and one for her, and she's a Catholic! (she sometimes questions
her own faith... but probably not so much until she met me)
I must say, I read the entire Satan's Salvation comic series
in two nights, and almost died laughing. I also go into the
chat thingie every once in a while, but nobody's ever there.
I'm probably rambling... I just get excited and nervous when
I email people I look up to. Anyway, thank you again for your
help. Maybe I can send you some of my drawings? They're not
spectacular, nowhere near your skill level, but I think I'm
pretty good. It'd be really cool if we could keep in touch.
can't figure out how to end this without seeming like a stalker...
A sincere friend,
you several months ago, testifying as to how Jesusdressup.com changed
my life. You probably don't remember... you asked me to send you
a picture, but at the time I had just moved, didn't have any pix
readily available, scanner was busted, whatever.
I moved back to St. Louis after many years away, and was shocked!
and appalled! at the plethora of X-ians here. Shudder. That's right:
Missouri, home of the anti-gay bigots. Makes me so proud.
my new job, I mentioned to one of my co-workers that I was looking
for a chiropractor. Now, you hafta understand, I'm not a big fan
of alternative medicine and yadda yadda yadda, but I do have some
low-key chronic back pain (big boobs, they suck) and I discovered
that my new insurance paid for chiropractic care, so I figured,
what the hey.
asked Co-worker if she knew of anyone in the area. Well, she raved
on and on about this woman who was "so wonderful" and "so caring,"
and the staff was "just like a family," etc. In retrospect it DOES
sound like the Jim Jones family, but hey, my back was hurtin' and
I figured, OK, try it out, what can it hurt? So I made an appointment
and got my med records sent over.
appointed day, I drove out to the chiroquacktor. When I arrived,
the waiting room was empty, as was the receptionist's desk. However,
it was about 6:00 p.m. and I was half an hour early, and I figured,
they had probably run out to get a bite to eat or something. As
I waited, I began looking around the waiting room.
thing I noticed was a stack of spine pamphlets. Fine. However, next
to that stack was a second stack of tracts entitled "Jesus Died
For Your Sins." Henh? I'm immediately suspicious. I scan the contents
of the bulletin board on the wall. Between the ads for a homeopath
and an aromatherapist is a flyer advertising a "Jesus Youth Revival."
Of course, I'm hoping this is simply a testimonial written by a
Mexican guy espousing the benefits of Botox, but alas, no. Now I'm
REALLY suspicious. I look over in the corner and there it is...
The Motherlode. Sitting by a stack of "Christian Yellow Pages" is
a Gideon's Bible. In a "doctor's" office. WTF???
proud of what I did next, which is: I basely turned tail and fled.
Do I want someone like that within 50 feet of my spine? I think
not. And you know, the more I thought about it, the more pissed
off I got. I mean, I'm a dyed-in-the-wool atheist, so it was offensive
enough to me personally, but what if I had been a devout Jew? Or
Muslim? Or Sikh? Or whatever? You go in to receive medical treatment
and you get accosted with that kind of shite? I'll just take some
fuckin' Motrin, thanks.
day, I go in to work. Co-worker eagerly greets me. "Well, how was
it?" "Fine," I answer. "Did you like her? Isn't she nice??" "Yep,"
I say tersely. "Well, what did she say? Are you gonna go back?"
Finally I couldn't stand it anymore, and I'm like, "Look, I'll be
honest with you, I took one look at all that offensive X-ian shit
in the waiting room, and I left." Her response (in a very subdued
voice): "Oh." End Of Discussion.
for being pleasant to your co-workers, because you have to spend
8 hours a day with them, and why be purposely unpleasant when it's
unnecessary, but CHRIST! DON'T try to indoctrinate me into your
Zombie Voodoo Cannibal religion!!
the way, she's in her fifties and loves the color purple and horsies
and puppies. What more do you need to know? Can you say "arrested
on the bright side, I'm so grateful for your web site. Your review
of the Mel Gibson flick almost made me spew soda out my nose laughing.
Keep up the good work.
a crappy picture from many moons ago.