A Tribute to my Fans
Everyone out there knows that I have the best fans, better than any other smarmy web host's pretend fans. Everyone knows that other internet-celebrity-wannabes visit my page and envy the quality of the fans I have. This is why this particular page of fan mail is wholly dedicated to you, the fans.

Thank you.

Hey, Bob. I just wanted to start this letter with a quick thank you for all your site has given me. From the "Satan's Salvation" strip to the "Dress Ups," I am ever thankful for the hours of fun you have granted me with. Okay, on with the show. 
 
My name is Greg Miller and I'm an 18 year old who has recently gotten out of the shit heap known as high school. A little about myself: I moved to this shitty, horrid, farm community in Hamburg, PA about four years ago, from Northeast Philadelphia. When I moved to this area, I was just going into high school. Not only was I alrady a new kid, I was an atheist new kid in an overly religious high school and community.

One day before school had started, I stumbled upon your Jesus Dress Up page, and was immediatly hooked. I had already considered myself an athiest a little before then, when I left the Roman Catholic Church, and I loved what I saw. Your site inspired me to cause some ruckus in this new town, and to try to get some thinking in the area.
 
In school, I made friends, but pissed off a lot of people using some of the pamphlets from your site and my loud fucking mouth. I handed them out one day, and was met with quite a bit of opposition, especially from the Christian club our school had. That earned me a name early on, and I've been hated and bashed since. As school progressed, I continued with my Jesus Dress Up magnet set, and made cutouts of Jesus in various outfits to put on everyone's cars in the parking lot. I know this may not seem to be too edgy for a guy like you, but for fuck's sake, I could only do so much while in school.
 
Another interesting fact about me, before I get to the point of this all. My school principal banned rock music from one of our talent shows, in fear of moshing. I petitioned and got a shit load of media attention across the globe and won. So, not only did the kids hate me, the officials hated me, too. After the debate was over, I was allowed to perform with my band, A Murder is a Masterpiece, and Dee Snider of Twisted Sister came to perform with my band. Here's a link to the story. I'm the kid next to Dee when the page opens.

The point of that little "fact" is that I just don't give in. People have this ideal that all atheists are lazy idiots who don't believe in god, and have no motivation in life. Obviously I've surpassed that stereotype, eh?

The point to this letter is to ask you to visit my site, and tell me what you think, and possibly give me a few words of encouragement. As a future journalist, I need someone else to critique me work, and be honest. As some who's opinion I value, you're the guy for the job. It'd be cool if you could post this in your fan mail section, and get me a few more visitors. That'd be bad ass.
 
The site is a collections of stories and articles I have written. So please, feel free to come back again and again. There's always new material to be had.
 
Once again, thank you for doing what you do. You get a bad rap, man. I just wish people had enough common sense to realize how useless religion is.
 
Thank you.
 
Your fan,
Greg Fuckin' Miller

MySpace has brought me many lovely fans. Here, take a look.


Hello Bob!
 
I just wanted to let you know that you are in fact my idol. I would do anything to make you happy. Just ask me, and I shall do it. Why would I do that? Well, you have helped me discover who I really am, and that Christians are kinda weird...and they smell funny, they smell like...church.
 
Yes well anyways. I'll keep this short and sweet because sometimes these letters are long, and then I try to read them and I start to fall asleep...
Well Bob, if you ever need anything to make you happy, just let me know, and I'll do the best a frickin can!
 
Yours Truely,
Sara Jay


bob,
i'm such a big fan of yours. i've loved your site for about 2 1/2 years now... i laugh non stop when i'm on it... you're seriously one the five reasons i still bother with the internet.
<3 jesse


i must say i dig the site...... although i am upset that although i had waist length electric blue boxbraids... and then hot pink.. and i did some visiting of union square... i never made it onto amazing strangers :( ... so upset.. i guess i'm not amazing enough
Dina


When I am having a bad day or i want to laugh really really really hard I go read your hate mail. your website is seriously my favorite.
Sara


I'll always be yours, darlin'. Now all I gotta do is get my wee little ass down to your place for once!

I must say, it certainly is an honour to have the same birthday as you! We need to go celebrate! I vote for getting piss-loaded drunk, taking the lord's name in vain and having some dirty, raunchy sex ;) :D
Linz


you are the coolest mother fucker alive... it is decided.
Chesire

Subject: FANMAILZORS

hrmm well now, let's see here telegram for Robert Smith, would you accept? <sure> oh okay then it's fanmail ha ha. hello bob my name is <insert fake name here> and i'm e-mailing you not as a fan but more of a...let us see here a "friend". i noticed you dress up as the devil on numerous times (which is hilarious and ballsy) but hey i live in a hick town so a mohawk is ballsy.

anywhozors i'd like to comment on you wearing red paint, now i know that you know you should be careful because red paint as a uncanny ability to attract bulls. what i really want to say don't go into any china shops where they sell china not chinese people rofl crazy america. anywhozors i like the site, don't go into any china stores that sell china and get some pictures up of gravers oh the gas masked future leaders of this country has me buzzing all over the placelike a bee...or a humming bird...or something that buzzes be it organic or machine worthy. that's about it. keep up the good work and maybe someday us CRAZY thinkers can walk the streets without someone hitting us with that god, oh that craaazzzy god.

len nel

Hey Bob,
 
I have been frequenting your site for some time now but this is the first time I've written you.  I just wanted to say thank you for creating such a fun and entertaining website.  There are so many atheist web pages out there but most of them are only interested in apologetics.  I like the fact that you've gone beyond just arguing a point (that I now find to be obvious) by actually having fun with your beliefs and making a living off of them.
Anyway, the reason I wrote in is to let you know that you've inspired me to "witness" my atheism.  I am a student at Northern Illinois University and it seems like every time I take a stroll around campus, I get bombarded with crazy Evangelist Christians trying to shove pamphlets and bibles down my throat.  Well I decided that enough is enough. 
 
I noticed there was some Christian convention going on this weekend here at the university so I decided to show up and give them a taste of their own medicine.  First, I printed off about fifty or so of your Is God Real fliers.  Then I waltzed in there pretending to be interested in whatever the hell was going.  I even got a name tag so I would blend in.  It was called the Illinois Cristian Home Educators (ICHE) convention.  There were seminars and classes about how to be better Christians and all kinds of booths hocking cheesy motivational books and CD's.  It was hilarious.
 
At first, my plan was to just start handing out the pamphlets to anyone I walked past, but then I changed my mind and decided to go with a more clandestine approach.  I set little stacks of the fliers in with all the crap they were trying to sell at the booths.  No one noticed me do it.  It was so funny seeing your flier next to some Answers in Genesis book.  I even put some inside the books being sold so that someone would get a pleasant surprise with their purchase.  Then I just started placing the fliers anywhere I could: tables, chairs etc. until they were all gone. 
 
The best part was sitting back and seeing the appalled expressions on their cute little Christian faces. One irate woman found a flier in her child's possession and demanded to know who was responsible for this tasteless prank.  I told her what I had done and that I was simply trying help these poor people see the light of reason and common sense.  Unfortunately, they didn't seem to agree and I was asked to leave.
 
Well thanks again for providing me with such great entertainment.  Now, wherever I go, I will try to carry some fliers with me.  And if I get approached by a Jehovah's Witness, I'll be able to give him some info on the Church of Bob.
 
Kenny  Beynon

HI Bob!
 
Im from mexico and I have seen all your site and I want to tell you that I share your toughts about religion, bible, god, jesus and everything, BUT I think you didnt see that the people is weak, their minds are weak, so, to cover their weakness they need to believe in god so they can leave their fears and challenges in the hands of something that can never fail.
 
Yeah, I know, it´s equal to see a boy yelling "Noooo Santa Claus really exists!!!" than to see a mail in your page like "Poor bob smith. I´m praying to God for your balls"

 

Yes, Jesus, god and all that stuff is bullshit, but that bullshit is what brings happiness to the weak people. The people doesnt want to know the truth because they can´t handle the truth, it´s too much for them.
 
They can´t live knowing that theyre alone in the universe and nobody gives a shit about them
They can´t live knowing that after death theyre not going to a nice place.
Their so weak and egocentric that they convince themselves to the idea that after death, theyre gonna live forever in a nice place.
 
Just the strong people like you and me can accept those facts and deal with them. Yeah, it´s hard to live knowing that we´re alone and we´re not eternal, but It´s better to live in a tragic reality, that in a happy lie.
 
 
PLASE BOB, ANSWER THIS MAIL! I WILL BE HAPPY IF YOU ANSWER THIS.
 
AND, IF YOU CAN, VISIT MY SITE [www.frialdad.com] It has the option to translate to english and in the section of writings theres an interesting writing about the lies of the popes and the church. Of course, on the links section there is a link to your Jesus Dress up.
 
 
Greetings.
- Kanon Rommel
 
PD. Sorry for my ugly english.

Dear Bob-
I wrote to you a while back (a year ago almost, to tell you what a positive impact your site has had on my life. I thought I would write you again, to tell you how much I like the 'God Ate My Balls' stories.
My own conversion to atheism, unfortunately, came about in a much more violent manner. Fortunately, my sense of humor hasn't failed me yet.
Your site goes a long way in taking away the pain of the past.
Libi
Hey Bob,

Good news...this isn't a hate mail! Your Jesus Dress-Up page rocks, and I've been telling all my friends about it. It takes balls of steel to make something like that and unleash it on the world wide web. It's one thing to do it purely out of spite, which I don't think was your motivation, but to do it as an expression of your belief (or lack of one) despite knowing that you'd face certain backlash from bible-thumpers is in some strange way admirable.

I was raised by a devout protestant family in Indonesia (my mom used to teach adult bible classes), a country whose populace is predominantly muslim. I've gone to Sunday school and church since I was a child in Indonesia, as well as in the U.S. after I moved to Maryland at age 13. At age 18, understanding that one does not become a Christian by birth, I became a born again, proclaiming that I accepted Jesus Christ as my (then) Lord and savior, who died on the cross for my sins. I even tried to convert a couple of friends of mine back then. But then a miracle happened (not really), I moved away from home.

At age 22 I enlisted in active duty U.S. Air Force, and moved away from home....away from my parental devout (extremist) Christian influence. I was finally able to study and read other literature besides the bible. I studied about other religions and philosophies. I studied about Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Chan/Zen philosophies, and quantum physics. I became less and less religious, and more and more philosophical. Today I still believe that there are underlying unseen properties of what we consider reality that makes everything and everyone tick, but I don't consider that force or forces as an anthropomorphic being or deity. If you have never studied quantum physics or Zen Buddhism, then I encourage you to broaden your horizon by reading Parallel Universes by Fred Alan Wolf, a quantum physicist.

Today I consider myself an atheist....I don't mind that people believe in God, but I do hate it when they condemn others for not sharing their belief. Many Christians (and Muslims) today provide a disservice to their own religion with their bible-thumping antics. I'm almost ashamed to admit that I used to be one of them.....I say almost only because the experience contributed to the person I am today, whole, unbiased, and schooled of both sides of the divide.

Keep doing your own thing, Bob, and don't let the zealots get you down. I'd ditch the devil get-up though, it's a bit distracting, but that's just my opinion I could be wrong. Lastly, if I were you, I'd get a plane ticket to visit your fan from Oklahoma....she's cute and has an IMPRESSIVE rack!

Markus Ismael


Dear Bob,

A student of mine recently referred me to your site.  I would like to copy and/or use material from your site in some of my philosophy courses...I hope you have no objections.  Mostly, I expect to use material from the mail postings to foster discussion when I cover religion, privacy, or free speech related topics.  Your site is interesting, and presents a refreshing contrast to the usual material I am referred to by people who seem to think that I am somehow "lost".

I am interested in the mail you receive and your replies.  How I use them depends on the class and topic I am teaching.  For example, in my Introduction to Logic course I may use some of the mail you get as examples of common fallacies.  I also find similarities between the points being made in some of the e-mail conversations and classic philosophical arguments.  One of the problems of teaching a logic class or any other philosophy class is showing the students how the abstract concepts we cover play out in the real world.  I think that using some of the actual conversations posted on your site will help me do this.

Del Mar College is a two-year college in Corpus Christi, Texas.  I am an Assistant Professor of Philosophy, teaching classes like Into to Philosophy, Logic, and Intro to Ethics.  On occasion, I am lucky enough to teach some upper division courses for one of the local four-year universities such as Philosophy of Human Nature, Theories of Knowledge and Reality, or Philosophy of Religion.

All the best,
Alan Clark
Department of English and Philosophy
Del Mar College


Subject: Kudo's from a Christian. :)

Dear Bob,

I got your website trough a link on Fark.com (I think) and just wanted to let you know that not all Christians are bible thumpers. I recently got baptized as a baptist about a month ago, don't go to church that often, do believe in God but I do keep a clean sence of humour about it. I don't bother other people with my religion and I love funny stuff, also funny stuff about God and the bible.

It's nice to see your an artist, I used to be a graphics artist for video games and want to become a writer, I write horror novels that also have lot's of gore in it and I'm sure that if I would make it one day with a bestseller the church would also complaint. Not my church though, those people are cool and laid back that's why I could find myself in being a baptist.

Anyway, keep up the good work, although a page which tells people who you are and what the website is exactly about would be handy and nice.

Sincerely,
Dirk.
Btw I got a cool website too: http://amigacam.net.tc being an artist I'm sure you could appreciate it. :)


June 17, 2005
Subject: On the road again.....
Hi Bob,
You'll be happy to hear... I'm in a hotel now in Ellensburg, WA... a nice town on the east side of the Cascade Range, about 100 miles east of Seattle, on the
I-90 cooridor between Seattle and Spokane. I just put two of your fliers in the Gideon's bible in this room; the Jesus Pooped (in the New Testament, of course), and the Is God Real? one (in the Old Testament).
Adding the Normal Bob Ministries fliers to bibles in hotel rooms makes my vacations a little more fun, and I know I'm helping humanity by trying to counter-act the scourge of the Gideons.
Anyhoo... there you are.
Have a nice day!
Keith Blackwell

June 27, 2005
Subject: On the road again.....
Hi Bob,
I just got back from my vacation. I did decide to leave a few fliers (flyers?) at the place we stayed at the beach. In fact, I had a genius idea! Please see the pictures here:
and/or http://www.mzla.com/images/JesusPooped2.jpg
They're pretty much identical, but feel free to use whichever you want, should you choose to put this online.

What I did was this... I pulled out about a foot of toilet paper from the roll, inserted the Jesus Pooped flier (flyer?), and rolled it back up. Heh. Now, when someone is ready to wipe their ass, or girl pee parts, they'll get a nice little surprise! Some bonus reading material. Yes, it was perfect, having that idea, and the Jesus Pooped fliers handy. Heh.

Anyway, on the way back through Washington, I put a few of the fliers in the bible at the Super 8 in Moses
Lake, WA.
We had a nice trip.
Keith
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