Johnny writes:
"You know, your fans are just as retarded as the people that write hate mail. How many of them are going to mention the fact that they listen to Slipknot, as if that automatically gives them the anti-Christian thumbs up? And how many of them are going to keep their noses in your ass indefinitely?
Sometimes I hate atheists more than I hate Christians. No, fuck that. I hate atheists more all the time. I haven't seen anything on your website yet that couldn't have been written by your average newly-disillusioned 15-year-old who thinks he's the first one to discover the hypocrisy of America's prevailing religion (and who was probably made aware of this by a shitty NIN song). Way to go, killer."

You'd be surprized at the wide range of people that I get fan letters from.
Christians, the elderly, even
15 year old bi-sexual Dutch girls.
So sit back and enjoy another page of people "kissing my ass".

Now this is a f***ing fan!
Creative, resourceful, and only 15 years old!

Here's link to a Dutch Jesus-worship site. They have some Chritian songs and this film about The Dude Himself.

Choose the first 'hier' to see this film about the crusifiction. By the way, do you agree that 'Jesus Christ Superstar' is the only reason to believe in Jesus? Not that I do, but JCS simply rocks. Greetingzzz, Eva.

I am fucking fabulous! I managed to get on the number 1 position on a Dutch Christian Search Engine!!! (dominee some sort of priest).

I called it "Jezus spelenderwijs" (Jesus in a playfull way) and you can find it under the Jongeren (youth) School (duh!)

God, I rock! You rock! We all rock! Halleluya! Greetz, Eva

For more on the delightfully sparkling Eva Berlie, stay tuned. There's more of her towards the bottom of this page.


This letter was forwarded to me.
I am only jealous that I didn't write it myself.

Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses sex advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abominaton according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned in any circumstance. The following is an Open Letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet:

Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your radio show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advise from you, however, regarding some of the specific Bible laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? She's 18 and starting University. Will the slave buyer continue to pay for her education by law?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? ....Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should this be a neighborhood improvement project?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? Would contact lenses help ?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

Why yes, I have gotten positive feedback from the "religious".
Some more fan letters of interest.

Bob.... All I have to say is thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for Dressup Jesus. You art and ideas are original and should be commended. I find Dressup Jesus a great time killer that makes me laugh whole heartedly and in actuality it brings the joy back into the Christian faith for me.

You probably get a lot of hate mail from repressed quasi-religious Christian hate mongers who find the slightest attempt at humor revolting.... too bad for them I guess. Don't stop your art. I would love to see more in your Dressup Jesus series. Maybe dress him up like the members of the Village People or K.I.S.S .I am quite sure that this will be a successful series for you.

Thanks for making me laugh and bringing me closer to the real meaning of Christianity.... happiness and faith. So Cheers to you this fine day. I hope I put a smile on your face as much as your site does for me.

Jason Veness


I just wanted to tell you that you have some awesome views on life. I may not agree with all of them (I'm Jewish), I still think that you are doing the world a favor by creating your sites. Keep up the great work!

Seth Kaplan

PS I know I don't need to say this, but don't let the Christians get you down. Its your right as an American and as a human to speak your mind!

I am a United Methodist pastor who discovered you through your "Jesus Dress-Up" web site. I think it's hysterical, and I am utterly mesmerized by the hate mail and your responses. I could stay up all night!

I do want to respond, as a person of faith, to your statement in "God Ate My Balls" that "I need proof for all that I'm supposed to revolve my life around. If you find yourself in a life built around 'faith' you're too lost to even understand this."

I understand and respect those, like yourself, who abandon theism and focus on the physical, the logical, the here-and-now. I have to admit, if it comes down to reason and logic, the atheists will win out everytime. Yet, I cannot deny the positive impact that my faith in Jesus has had on my life. I believe in Jesus because when I was seventeen, I cried out to him and asked him to change my life, and he did. I doubt you are interested in the details but, suffice it to say that, Christ has been a constant presence in my life for the last twenty years. I could no more divest myself of this irrational belief than I could live on a steady diet of rice cakes and Yoo-Hoo.

Whenever someone asks me how I can believe in God when there is such suffering in the world, I answer, "because If I didn't, I would probably kill myself." It is my faith in Christ that enables me to face suffering, both my own and that which is in the world around me. It is my faith in Christ that gives me the hope that I, in relationship with other believers, can respond to that suffering in a positive way. Thesmall church I lead has done a great deal to alleviate suffering in our surrounding community and around the world. It was our hope that these acts of kindness would be received as evidence of a loving God, and if someone came to believe in Christ as a result, we would certainly chalk that up as a bonus. But many of us (admittedly not all) would not tell the recipients of these acts that they'd better accept Jesus now, or burn in Hell. We believe it is acts of kindness and love that will lead those so inclined to embrace the Christian faith, not a theological shotgun threatening eternal damnation.

It is very late, I am very tired, and I am wondering, as you might be, if there is any real point to all this. I guess I'm just trying to show you that not all Christians are knee-jerk assholes who scream "BLASPHEMY" at anything that rubs against our grain. I enjoy talking with people who disagree with me, and welcome your response to this note.

By the way, I can't get the "Dress-Up" to work right. Do others have trouble, or is this just due to my outdated computer and/or bonehead computer skills?

Thanks for reading, Pastor Andy Schaefer,
Ionia United Methodist Church

And yes, I do get l do get emails from those older than 15.

You gotta be part Catholic and at least a quarter jew, right? Whatever, this site wins best chuckle of the evening. (had a good belly laugh earlier in the day, self-generated. Too bad for you. Maybe you'll win tomorrow) I went with the rave outfit.

Heather Hanan
age 50

50? Really? Prove it.

Ummm, like how many moratoriams did I march in? Or where was I the night Bobby K. got killed?
Or exactly why I'm a registered Green.
That sort of proof? Or how old was I when I read The Doors of Perception by Aldous Huxley? And yes, I got a bit of Ousley acid, before it was all gone.
And yes, I am an ordained minister...did a year of clairvoyant training to get ordained. and many many years of pastoral counseling, reading auras and chakras...and how one's relationship to Source was manifesting itself. Which is why I liked your site so much, "Bob." Jesus really was trying too hard, man. I'm serious about this.

who is also a gramma.


I am so goddamn special because I'm 56 years old and actually enjoy your site.

Pat Bruns


Your website is absolutely fabulous, I especially love the hate mail from outraged, so-called peace-loving Christians -- hey, why aren't they turning the other cheek? Looks like they're out for your blood. I bet they'd like to see the next photos on your site be ones of you nailed to a cross. They do have quite a fetish with that image, eh? What's that about? But, being the kinky guy that you are, I know you wouldn't want to give them such a turn-on. Make 'em beg!

Can't wait for the next episode to see how you fare with those evil Moslems when you dress up like Mohammed. Come to think of it, I've never seen any pics of him. Do you think he's a light skinned, straight haired, blue-eyed come-on like that Jew, Jesus? I mean, if God can make Jesus look like an Anglo, why not Mohammed, eh?

I'd send you some photos, but I don't think I could compete -- I'm a 50-year-old-could-be grandmother -- besides it looks like you've got your hands full with tiffany, kirsten, hollybear, miguel, kaycee and ...  Gee, hmmmm, sounds like you all could have quite a party! Practice safe sex, okay, dear. We need good humorists around for a looooooong time.

Judy Wahl Talley


And finally, yes I do get props from 15 year old bi-sexual Dutch girls.

Hey Bob!

I totally dig your site! I too am an (15 year old) atheist (girl) and I find it sad to see people join that strange cult, made up by some wicked dudes, who were probably in it for the dope. But hey, who I am to judge, right? ;-) Anyway, I decided it would be best to start my own religion. It's very basic, but it's logical:

* When you die, you're dead.
* There is no God

And than there's some shit about believing in your self and being all happy and bi-sexual (for the youngsters). I also started out as a Christian. My parents never forced me, but when you're just a kid and this really NICE priestperson comes to your school to tell you what it's all about, you're bound to believe it. Strangly enough I never accepted sweets from strangers and that doesn't make any sense. So I Was baptisised or something and I did all the cute bible reading and singing stuff.

The first thing that bothered me, was the lack of care for nature and animals. That was really disapointing. After a while I totally dropped out of the Christian thing. I also forget about animal wellfare and nature. They suck.

Old ladies were afraid of me. I always thought green/pink/purple were NICE haircolors though. Well, I've now reached this balancepoint. I dress happy and cheerfull (but totally! wicked), I sometimes smile at strangers, I bounce through the corridors of my school and I study like hell. God! I'm an atheist nerd-girl! If I would have gone to a different school, probably would have been an atheist cool-girl, but hey, non-acceptence is the word...

Cheers, Eva.

You can find my religion under It's in Dutch though, so you probably won't understand shit. But it's a nice place to see some of my picks. Hmmm. Now is the times to type 'whatever'.