Earlier this month I received an email from Captain Sensible, a band member of

I have loved this band since I first discovered punk rock in the mid eighties. I was blown away to find out that they were fans of mine.

Where do I start? Probably at your transcript of the Mancow radio show. I'm a teenager from the hick region of the Chicago suburbs and my crackhead bus driver (not just and empty insult, he really smokes crack.) adores Q101 and of course, Mancow in the Morning. So everyday I have to listen to his "Hey mother fuckers, we have a special guest today. We'll be using our same five insults that we use everyday to give the Iowa Guys of the world a big fucking laugh!" Glad to see that you stood up to him and obviously gave him a hard time. Boo-ya.

Enjoyed your site immensely. My next-door neighbor...named Bob Smith, of all things...is a major Christian who told my five-year old sister she was going to burn in the eternal lake of fire because she wasn't baptized. I printed out the ballet Jesus and taped it to his door. Can't wait until he sees it.

Thanks for the valuable web resource. Long live Normalbobsmith.com. By the way, nice hair.

Your fan,
Allison

Haha! Thats fucking awesome! You did a really great job designing that site! For real, how long have you been doing web/graphic design? I thought your shit was funny as fuck. I personally don't like 'religious-type' topics, but your pages were VERY creative and intresting, it made me want to read on, and yea, which is rare on a 'funny-type' website.

I have just started the last 4 or so months, and am kinda on the line with it, cuz I have to sell websites to make money to live, and yet study to be able to design them at the same time, which is kinda tricky. Anyway, any tips you might have would be greatly appreciated!

::Waves::
Katrina
www.loqixgirl.com

Let me first say that your site has brought me much happiness during this horrible week of finals...& all of my friends love it as well...dressing up jesus in bright red pumps and a sundress has really put me in the holiday spirit!

Anyway, it's always nice to see something unique/creative while i'm away at college [purdue university = some kind of insane conservative hell] and missing home [chicago]. so...have a great day and remember: jesus is the reason for the season !

I love your hair..... and i offer you a lovely picture of my nipple piercings...aren't they cute?

Michelle

The original email - Letter #4

Dear Bob , GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU WANKER

dikefal
dikefal1@otenet.gr

Hi

Can you bring me 2 gyros, one with skordalia sauce, and the other with Italian dressing? Can you have Dikefal deliver them? He is very skilled at felatio. Oh also, a side of buffalo wings.

Thanks!
Keith

First of all there is no such thing as scordalia sauce. On the other hand it's fellatio with a double " l " . As for the rest I am once more convinced that you are a big fucking prick that cannot have a personality of his own and has to use as an alibi the name of the one and only Jesus.

Happy fantasies sucker
dikefal
dikefal1@otenet.gr

What about the buffalo wings, you sell those, right?

I really don't know what you are talking about.
Anyway Happy Hunting

dikefal
dikefal1@otenet.gr

The original email - Letter #5

FUCK OFF MOTHERFUCKER! up your ASS

Sakellarois Athanasi
asakell@tee.gr

Whereas I'm sure bob Smith has had intercourse with your mother, and I can see how this would incite you to write him hate mail, I'm more disturbed by another part of your email.

When I was in college, we had "Tolerance Day" in Student Life class. It was supposed to teach us to be tolerant of other cultures and people, but especially homosexuals. A gay man got in front of the class and asked us some names we would call gay people. Most people yelled "fag" or "homo" or whatever. I, with my knowledge of Grecian history, shouted "Greek!" This caused a small argument and ultimately the gay man thought I said "Geek," which was dissapointing. Anyway the argument went something like the greek kid behind me kicked me in the head, and the kid next to me said "Well, it's true..." Then the greek kid behind me got even angrier. I figured the anger was due to Greek society evolving past the anal sex with young men phase. I've gone through many a year thinking that, too. I'm now beginning to realize that perhaps I was wrong. Your statement, in fact, expresses your desire to have anal sex with Bob Smith. And in fact your anger, as well as the anger of the greek boy in my class, is probably directed at the repeated refusal of said ass sex.

In closing I'd like to commend you on your coming out of the closet and being proud of your heritage. It's good to have pride in who you are and where you live!

BCNU
Stephen

You enema, you dipshit, you scum, your herpes infected priest is a molested rubbish eater

Peter G.

Ha ha! You're only right on 2 of those! I AM the cleansing enema of truth, flushing away an accumulation of old ideas and outdated tales.

...and my Priest had Herpes. It slipped out during a sermon.

Normal Bob

I'm a total atheist. I fucked up when I tried to enter your competition. That insult was ment for the greek guys. I live in Ireland and I totally hate the way the catholic church have so much influence here.

I'm your biggest fan,
Peter G.

Oh, Sorry. I'll enter you into the contest.
But I still consider myself the cleansing enema of truth.

Normal Bob

The original email - Letter #2

you are a idiot and blashimian. i want too kick your ash. jesus panish you and you are curst.

Xaris Papargyriou
woody@internet.gr

NO! You're a blashimian panish cust!

~Blake