God Ate My Balls
• Sept 4th, '00
• Oct 14th, '00
• Mar 24th, '01
• Dec 9th, '01
• Feb 22nd, '02
• Apr 6th, '04
• Dec 12th, '04
• Feb, 14th, '05
• Mar 14th, '06
• The DJ
• Quarter Guy
• Special People
• Love Diaries
• Hatemail: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
• WWJD? 1, 2, 3
• Nun, Treasure Hunt
• Dress me up!
• Amazing Strangers
Ate My Balls
• Illustrated Stories
• My movie
of the Christ
a short, short time ago in a galaxy far, far away from
heaven, I had come to my Ewok senses and realized that the golden
droid I had called "God" was nothing more than a fictional
character in a long-ass story... with a disappointing prequel. A
mere product of legend, faith and hope, it was the last of the childhood
fables that I had outgrown.
|My life was
and then I lost Christ.
enjoying this "love" thing.
I had been so very
comfortable, my face buried deep in the warm, sticky underbelly
I knew that a greater power was in control, life's purpose
was fairly basic and there was a seat waiting for me in paradise.
I mean, what could be better than knowing every action was
preplanned, "love" is as easy as its pronunciation,
and your stifled existence is overshadowed by the anxious
arrival of its end?
Despite all of this fantastic
news, I was a horribly troubled individual. The adult logic I had
been able to ignore for so long was oozing into the land of make-believe.
The truth had always been in the peripheral vision of my Bible-sized
It was all bullshit,
and until I accepted the fact that I no longer believed, it'd be
a lie I'd be living.
Fear came first. Mainly
the fear of death, and like anything worth doing, the fear had to
be overcome. Every adult overcomes his or her own fear of death
at some point. The key to this is doing it so that you're being
honest with yourself. If you are not, it will come back to haunt
you every time. For some straight answers and briliant theorizing
I strongly advise getting Stephen
Hawkin's "A Brief History of Time", and perhaps The
Flaming Lips "The Soft Bulletin".
are going to increase. You will no longer be able to ask forgiveness
from an empty room. You will now have to admit your foils and seek
redemption from human beings.
Death will remain a perplexing mystery (as it should) and your life
will be yours... again.
this procedure, you should familiarize with the 5 most common stages
of Savior-Preservation that you'll encounter.
can't evict me, I'm God!"
his role as God is crucial in the saving of souls. If he truly
loved you, he'd set you free.
the one who left the door open."
do not need to feel guilty simply because you no longer believe.
I swear I'll be quiet!"
mercy only hurts him. Here you must practice "Tough Love"
if you want to help.
all you want, I forgive you!"
to grant forgiveness is his trump card. You're only cheating
yourself by accepting this gesture of desperation.
tell my dad! You'll be DAMNED, for ETERNITY! I'LL SEE TO IT
always expose his true self in the end. He's not looking out
for your best interest, it's the admiration he covets.
of a successful Jesus-flushing, you'll breath easier and life's
importance will become clearer. The emptiness that you'll feel will
be disturbing at first. It is in this space that you'll put the
love you have for actual, opaque beings.
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All illustrations & designs are that of Normal Bob Smith (C) 2000 - 2009
NORMAL BOB SMITH DESIGN NEW YORK