Normal Bob Seal God Ate My Balls
Part 5, Feb 22nd, '02
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God Ate My Balls

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Passion of the Christ

There comes a point in every child's life when it is necessary to break the hearts of his or her parents. There are some who do it declaring their attraction to the same sex, those who team up with a sibling and shoot them whilst they sleep, and others who simply prefer show tunes and soft-shoe to Bob Segar and popular sports. For me it was a lack of belief in all that my parents held sacred: Corey Feldman. No wait, I mean God!

Valentine's Day is for Breaking the Hearts of Loved Ones

My parents are devout Christians, important figures in their church and selfless missionaries to the small town in which they live. I on the other hand taunt Christ and those who follow Him. Go figure.

Sure they help others by opening their hearts and home to those in need, but I help people laugh... at Christ!

I have always known that eventually my parents would find out about my site. I knew that they'd be disappointed and upset, but I also knew that they'd listen to me and understand as they always have. Relatives of mine (outside of immediate family) were beginning to contact me with their complaints, but my mom and dad were my only concern.

I took it upon myself to initially inform my parents of what I'd gone through in the last several years and where I stood presently. I believe that my explanation went something like this: "I no longer believe in God. I have a web site where I express my Atheist beliefs in great detail. I incorporate my sense of humor and my art, while encouraging audience participation, all in the name of fun and truth."

I went on to explain, "There are those who are offended and others who are fans. I do not think that either you nor dad should ever go to the site ever in a million years at all ever ever because you might not be amused. OK?"

Trusting my judgment they were content with my explanation and continued to love me as they always had (this information will be a great disappointment to some). Communicating with those I care about has always been a strong point of mine despite how robotic it might have just sounded. This however is not good enough for a certain Christian individual that should remain nameless (but will not: Nikki Baker "Tattletale for God").

  Nikki Baker
Yes, I realize it's an alias.
It's all I got!

It was Valentines Day 2002 that this special someone took it upon herself (himself?) to do what was best for me, my parents and our family. She ran to my parents and told on me!
Her compassion was as follows:

Here is Bobby's website:
You will be shocked.
Nikki Baker

Shortly after receiving this message of Christian love my parents forwarded the letter to me which I immediately followed up with a phone call to them. It will be a great disappointment to "Nikki" that this did not ruin my relationship with my folks, nor have my Atheist beliefs wavered in any way, and of course the site shall live on until I no longer feel creative. I admit that it did stifle my creativity for a spell which is precisely the reason that I am writing this here now.

I once thought that it was liberating to dye my hair green, denounce God and profess a strong Atheist viewpoint, but those things are nothing compared to telling those you love that which will break their hearts... and then moving onward.

Oh, by the way, how was your Valentine's Day?

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All illustrations & designs are that of Normal Bob Smith (C) 2000 - 2009