God Ate My Balls
• Sept 4th, '00
• Oct 14th, '00
• Mar 24th, '01
• Dec 9th, '01
• Feb 22nd, '02
• Apr 6th, '04
• Dec 12th, '04
• Feb, 14th, '05
• Mar 14th, '06
• The DJ
• Quarter Guy
• Special People
• Love Diaries
• Hatemail: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
• WWJD? 1, 2, 3
• Nun, Treasure Hunt
• Dress me up!
• Amazing Strangers
Ate My Balls
• Illustrated Stories
• My movie
of the Christ
Toy nearly Destroys all Mankind
friendly retail store, Urban Outfitters complied with fundamentalist
right-wing religious stereotypes last month and removed the eternal-soul-damning Jesus
Dress Up fridge magnet sets from their shelves.
Urban Outfitters responded
to a single complaint from one guy (Gerry), saying that they do not sell
the dress-up Jesus magnets to provoke or offend people, but simply
to reflect a diversity of opinion among their customer base. This
response was then forwarded to NBC
Notorious Jesus Dress Up fridge magnets
The Jesus Dress Up magnets
were the 6th best selling toy for Urban Outfitters last Christmas
despite the item being an inanimate object of blasphemy. The magnets
allowed human beings to pay $14 to commit the unforgivable sin,
thus damning ones eternal soul forever and ever to hell (estimated
one soul per magnet set). It also provided a regular forum in which
to taunt God again and again on the door of one's refrigerator for
no additional cost whatsoever.
Shoppers at the King
of Prussia Mall in Philadelphia were visually assaulted by the product
when an NBC reporter purchased the item and showed it around the
mall to get feedback for his story.
"That's horrible!" One shopper laughed, repulsed. "Why
is He [Jesus] in tighty whities? He he he!"
After the story was leaked
to the public, there
were protests outside of the mall and thousands of emails poured
in to the retail clothing store from The
American Family Association, which includes the elderly, suburban
pre-teens/toddlers and automatic-complaint-email-generators. Not
wanting to declare bankruptcy like so many other businesses who've
experienced the wrath of being boycotted by religious wackos, Urban
Outfitters dropped the magnets less than 3 days after the initial
complaint letter was made public.
"I'm horrified to see someone trying to profit off of Jesus'
The man who calls himself
"Normal Bob Smith" surprisingly admitted to The
Washington Times Tuesday to being the creator of the magnet
kits (which "coincidentally" ride the coattails of Mel Gibson's
The Passion of the Christ).
"I've had the magnets for sale long before the Passion was released." Mr. Smith stuttered in a deceptive tone. "In fact, the site's
been around for almost 4 years!"
There couldn't have been
a more inappropriate time for such a product, immediately following
the recent crucifixion of Jesus Christ in Mel Gibson's movie. Gibson,
who thought of making his Jesus movie more than 4 years ago,
told reporters that he was horrified to see someone trying to profit
off of Jesus' execution.
Smith, who claims to be an atheist, says he's making money
the same way Mel Gibson is.
Despite getting the Fun-time
magnet games banned from store shelves, it was still available for
public viewing on-line at JesusDressUp.com. Thankfully however,
the site was shutdown by the Internet
Watchdog Group, Laptop Lobbyists. The
heroic organization harassed Mr. Smith's web host with faxes, emails
and telephone calls until they interrupted its business enough to
give the host no choice but to drop the site.
Laptop Lobbyists (the
self appointed parents of the world), also demanded that Network
Solutions (the provider of the web addresses JesusDressUp.com &
NormalBobSmith.com) update Mr. Smith's personal contact information
or else put the web addresses up for auction, as per NetWorkSolution.com
standards. Mr. Smith was given 5 days in which to comply or lose
the site names. Mr. Smith complied two days later, paying an additional
$15 to keep the personal information private.
Jesus Christ, who is
still alive and living up in Heaven, was asked to comment but did
not return this reporter's prayers.
Jesus Christ: "No comment."
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All illustrations & designs are that of Normal Bob Smith (C) 2000 - 2009
NORMAL BOB SMITH DESIGN NEW YORK