April 24, 2003
there is some place to be in Manhattan, a place to hang out
for free, it's The Cube at Cooper Union.
time of day (or night) people collect there; punk people,
street kids, party kids, skaters, posers, runaways, homeless,
crazies... oh yeah, vamps and ravers too (see
diagram). And it's where Venessa and I were hangin'
out the other day for all of the afternoon. Scene established?
another semi-well known fact about The Cube is that it can
be rotated. If you get 2 or 3 people at a corner of it pushing
it can be turned clockwise or counter clockwise. It is something
that is mostly done by out-of-towners. It is also something
you don't do while people are sitting under it (which usually
there are) because it will clonk those people in the head.
Well, you get the picture... common courtesy... something
that many tourists lack.
underneath the cube is where we're sitting when suddenly we
are surrounded. Surrounded by 50 or so high school students,
their accompanying parents and teachers. It doesn't take long
to see that they're all part of a church youth group from
the south visiting New York City. I personally am fascinated
by such things because I used to be part of those out-of-town
Christian youth tour groups. We were set loose on the city
to convert the locals, huddled in clicks accompanied by scared
moms, over-grown jock dads and out of our element in the land
of big buildings. This here was better than watching Survivor
we're sittin' there under The Cube and Venessa (feeling much
more aggressive than I) starts addressing the "cuteness" of
the underage boys in the group... loudly, using such verbs
as "yummy", "cute" and "virgins" (a Nessa favorite). The adults
there sensed the inappropriateness of her lust and it becomes
obvious that they're unanimously concerned about the "Nessa"
was so amusing to me how out-of-town they all appeared. So
loud and gawking, pointing at tall buildings and the homeless,
full of fear, prejudices and Jesus Christ. Then The Cube started
moving. Before it even got an inch Venessa and her mohawk
screamed out "I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD MOVE THE FUCKING CUBE
WHILE THERE ARE PEOPLE UNDER IT!" Literally screamed, and
I think she may have included the words "stupid mother fucking
tourists" in there as well.
reactions from the vacationing southerners were priceless!
The girls jaws dropped, the boys eyes bulged while some of
them smiled in amazement and the adults faces looked as if
the Twin Towers were crashing right before their very eyes.
You could see the philosophy "You don't yell at adults" written
on all of their faces. The moment was riveting.
stayed on the subject much longer than they were comfortable
with addressing the obnoxiousness of tourists, her irritation
for Christians, and their fashion sense... during which she
spotted one of them wearing a confederate flag on a shirt
with the words "IT'S A SOUTHERN THANG!" written across it.
than enviable personal traits. I was buckled over laughing harder
than I'd laughed in years. This show was all Nessa... well,
Nessa and her "scary" haircut.
did it. Venessa loudly yelled to everyone "BOB, THAT
GIRL IS WEARING A MOTHER FUCKING CONFEDERATE FLAG ON HER
SHIRT!" The parents all foresaw a riot afoot. All
50+ of these people were totally and completely terrified
of Venessa as she stood her ground pointing out each of
cubes are for tourists!
think we both may have been more hyped up on the topic of
Southern Christian stereotypes than usual having just watched
Paradise Lost 2 the night before. This is a movie that can
not be missed about the botched trials & convictions of The
West Memphis 3.
It's a horrific reminder that the witch hunt mentality is
alive and well in southern America. Rent it immediately!
with an attitude set ablaze by the West Memphis 3 scandal,
my encouraging laughter, her hatred for tourists, oh and the
fact that Third Rock's Joseph Gordon-Levitt's face was buried
in her tits just moments before, Venessa went on a tirade
unlike anything I'd ever seen before.
after meeting Joseph he invited Venessa and I to the premiere
of his new movie Manic
and to the after-party. We both loved the movie but Nessa
loved the party afterwards much more as you can see here.
was no longer The Cube, it was Our Cube. These were no longer
tourists, these were racist, gay-bashing, bible-beating out-of-towners.
And I was no longer Bob... no wait, I was still just "Bob".
And Venessa was the Devil himself willingly trapped in the
body of this cute busty punker girl, and there was nothing
anyone could do about it.
Then two policemen strolled over. The adults had told on us
and now New York's finest had the castrated task of telling
Venessa and I that we weren't allowed to sit at The Cube...
because sitting at The Cube was against the law... or something.
They were a pitiful sight as the two of them formed a blockade
between us and the Christian youth group. So we stood up...
and the police left realizing that they'd only told us not
to SIT there.
of the kids were quickly sent off into every direction while
only two of the parents stayed behind because this was their
landmark meeting place at the end of the day. They were in
a tight spot I must admit. Sensing that there still might
be trouble at The Cube the two police officers strolled back
and started chatting with the two chaperones. So from several
feet away, behind the backs of the cops Venessa started fucking
with the two tattletales. Stroking her breasts, licking her
lips and lots of tongue, Venessa began avenging the molestation
of St. Marks by these people. The two victims of her offensive
behavior would then gesture towards Venessa to the cops, the
cops would turn to look and she would be smiling cutely the
way only Venessa can. It was physical comedy at its best.
they retreated into Starbucks watching New York safely from
behind glass and none of the rest of them were ever seen again.
cops hassled us a few more times that evening for returning
to Our Cube. During one last heated debate with the fuzz Venessa
got them to admit that if we were spinning The Cube we could
stay there... as long as we were spinning it!
cops said "You can spin it if you want but then you have to
leave." Nessa retorted as we walked away, "I don't wanna spin
The Cube. That's for fucking tourists."
simply ask that you post the e-mails of those whom you
can't pick on simply because of their writing skills.
I sent you a letter
about a year ago. Probably something to be added to your "hate
mail" page. I fail to see that you've responded in anyway.
However, those that you have responded to on your site are
usually responses to e-mails that lack correct grammar or
spelling. I just think it's a bit crude that you will respond
to someone with a lack of an education, rather than address
those who sound like they have half a mind. I've found that
most of your replies consist of making fun of one's inability
to write fluently, or elegantly.
As I read your
hate mail, I noticed that you fail to consider the feelings
of others. Then again, your site doesn't do this justice either.
But your site is up strictly to hurt others. I can't possibly
see any other reason. To resort to such bullying at such an
age is appalling. I don't wish to attack you in any way, that's
not my goal by any means. I simply ask that you post the e-mails
of those whom you can't pick on simply because of their writing
Listen Pappy, fact
is I don't have a good argument for why I believe what I do.
I've found that attacking peoples grammatical errors is a
slick way for me to dodge the issue. Children don't care about
my reasons anyhow, and it's the children I'm trying to lure
away from God. That's all. No foul.
The reason that
I didn't respond to your first letter was because it poked
a lot of holes in my belief system and I would have really
come across looking like a fraud if I'd posted it.
Come to think of
it, this second email from you doesn't exactly paint me to
be Prince Charming either.
Oh, and the third
sentence in this email you sent stated "I fail to see that
you've responded in anyway."
I don't think that you worded that properly. What I believe
you meant to say was "I fail to see why you haven't responded
in any way."
It's a strange sentence. Maybe I'm misinterpreting it, but
in any case; What a moronic needle-dick you are! Go back to
middle school and take a course called "Sentence Writing for
Idiots" you dumb ass!
turns out that I sent you that e-mail under a different
address as "annonymous", therefore, it was impossible
for you to possibly know what it was I was talking about.
I hope you realize
that I wrote to you in a friendly manner, simlply voicing
a concern. I had some respect for you and the way you were
presenting yourself until you lashed out and said "...what
a moronic needle-dick you are! Go back to middle school and
take a course called 'Sentence Writing for Idiots' you dumb
ass!" If you must know, "I fail to see that you've responded
in anyway," makes perfect sense. If you wish, ask any
english major/teacher that you may know. If you need it "translated"
for you, I basically said that I've seen no response in mail,
or on your site. I don't see it. Period.
Also, you say
that you didn't respond to my first e-mail because it "...poked
a lot of holes...'" in your belief system. (by 'poked holes'
I don't know what it is you mean) It turns out that I sent
you that e-mail under a different address as "annonymous",
therefore, it was impossible for you to possibly know what
it was I was talking about. I never tried to make you out
to be a particularly bad person in my e-mails, and if I did,
I'm truely sorry. I try not to lean to a protagonist or antagonist
view of people.
All I ask for
is that you address the e-mails sent to you on your site,
just as fairly as any other letter that you've posted. It's
for the world to see, that's why they're sent to you. Rather
than hiding behind your English skills, address the situations
at hand. People aren't going to write to you if they simply
want to be lectured about how well they write.
I really do appreciate
your time in replying to my messages. I also have much repsect
for you as an artist. (I took a look at your portfolio yesterday,
and it is impressive) I suppose that for what your site is,
it is fairly well designed. Do I necessarily agree with it?
I'll have to be honest and say no. But don't sacrifice my
respect for you because of some comment regarding my "needle-dick".
Which, by the way, doesn't exist. I'm a young woman. ("Pappy"
throws many people off, so I won't think much of it)
Yeah, I wasn't
100% positive about that sentence. I thought it could have
been worded better though. I suppose that I'll let it slide
this time. And about the anonymous letter you sent a while
back. What happened was when I read your second letter I recognized
the writing style. That's how I knew it was from you. Yup.
I'm smarter than you thought, huh?
You said "simlply"
in the first line of your last email. I think that you meant
"simply"! AND you misspelled "anonymous"! What a horrible
speller you are! Oh how I am laughing at you right now you
retard! And so forth...
My apologies about
referring to you as a "needle dick". You're a young woman?
Very interesting indeed! And you were impressed with my art?
Sorry about the "retard" remark. I have to tell you that I
am available if you happen to be traveling through the New
York area any time soon. I'd be happy to address any issues
you might have with my site over dinner... and candle light.
to your next email,
don't have to say something rude each time you respond
to an e-mail.
When writing in
a rush... typing isn't something that I'm taking much care
to. Lighten up. You don't have to say something rude each
time you respond to an e-mail. It's not exactly the most flattering
tend to doubt that you would recognize my style
Oh yeah, after
all the e-mails that you must receive, I tend to doubt that
you would recognize my style of writing from over a year's
time-span. Not to mention, the context in which I sent my
first letter is considerably different from my writing habits
as of now.
Oh, I assure you
that I recognized that letter from what you wrote me last
year. It was the email that made all of the poignant, irrefutable
pro Christian observations right? It's the one that exposed
me as a fake so I "accidentally" lost it behind my desk. Trust
me, I remember that one clearly... no way am I ever going
to post that one!
As for using the
excuse that you've been rushing your emails and that's why
you forgot how to spell a simple word like "simply", were
you also rushing when you decided to worship God? Because
boy, you really fucked that one up too... ya dummy.
feed me a bunch of bull shit about not posting my e-mail
because it exposes you as a fraud. It just so happens
that my e-mail IS on your site.
So much for having
respect for yourself, or anything else for that matter. You're
unbelievable. Don't feed me a bunch of bull shit about not
posting my e-mail because it exposes you as a fraud. It just
so happens that my e-mail IS on your site. Who's really the
dummy here? You can think I'm ignorant for believing there's
a God, (which I never stated) but that obviously doesn't mean
that you're not ignorant for not considering the possibility
of a greater being. Don't assume that I worship anything unless
I've told you so. Rushing to conclusions isn't going to do
much for you, is it?
Subject: an English
major's opinion on Pappy
I just read Hate Mail
pg. 114. I thought I'd help you and Pappy out
I AM an English major and can tell you that Pappy's
"I fail to see that you've responded in anyway" is a
all, "any way" should be two words when used in such
a manner. The only time that "any way" should be used
as one word is when the writer is using a casual, conversational
tone and is using "anyway" in lieu of "in any case,"
such as "I didn't want to go to that bar anyway." I
would be willing to bet that Pappy also believes "every
day" and "a lot" are each one word, not two.
may feel that her "I fail to see that you've responded" sentence
points to a sophisticated writing style; however this is not
the case. Stating that she has failed to see your response
does not indicate that you did not respond; it only indicates
that she has not seen your response. She is attempting to
write in a very haughty manner yet only makes herself look
foolish, as any English major knows not to use more words
than necessary. Pappy should have simply stated "You have
not yet responded to my email," which would have made her
point much more clear.
Also, Pappy should
have capitalized "English", as any English major can tell
Bob, your site
is genius. I'd be honored to provide my services should the
need for an English major arise again. Sometimes when I'm
bored, I set the school computers at this Oklahoma university
which I'm attending (yes, the buckle of the bible belt) to
use jesusdressup.com as their home page.