I've been so catastrophically busy lately I can hardly breathe!
But there's always time for Hate Mail

Their emails will be in blue while mine are in black and white.

Hey Bob,

I love your site and I think you are a genius. Well, early this morning, around 1 a.m. mountain time, me and a friend of

mine were arguing... err... debating on religion.

I tried to tell her how foolish it is to believe in such farces, but she kept telling me how wrong I am to think that. She's really into fourth dimensional thinking. Anyway, I told her how evolution led to religion, but then she asked why they evolved. I told her to survive and she asked who over-sees and decides when they need to adapt. That one puzzled me. So I am asking you. You are like an idol to me and I know you will figure out the answer. If you don't know, just don't respond. I'd rather think you are too busy to respond then to think that she has stumped me and the Great Normal Bob Smith. Well, keep up the good work and get back to me if you can.

Thanks, bye.
Your fan, Keith T

Who oversees what when it needs to adapt?

I don't understand the question.


Who oversees when a species is having difficulty surviving and need to change.

Why don't they just die out?

Or if an herbivore is eating too much so some starve from lack of food. Who oversees this and decides more predators need to be introduced?


This question is insane. No one needs to oversee the natural evolution of a species. It's a natural process.

That's what makes it "evolution". It's a natural happenstance of life.

Were you stumped because you didn't know the name of the god or scientist or animal control agency that grants permission to animals to evolve? Please tell me that I'm misunderstanding the question.

And you both understand that animals DO die out. Certain animals don't make it. It just goes unnoticed because they end up not existing. Understand?

Thank you. I guess I was stumped because she feels there has to be an all seeing referee that decides when something needs to evolve.

She's crazy. I guess I only listened to her and got stumped because she is my provider of pussy. Well thank you. I will explain it to her now.


No, that picture isn't really of Keith,
but it's exactly what I saw in my head.
And I assure you he has no provider of pussy.
“His arms, opened on the cross, are open for you, if only you will accept.”

Subject: Jesus

Dear Bob
The kind Lord Jesus loves you. You are important to him. He died for you, so that you could be pardoned and healed from your sins. The artistic talents he gave you could be used in a better way. His arms, opened on the cross, are open for
you, if only you will accept.

I will pray for you.
God Bless You

Sherry Matteotti (a fellow sinner)

I enjoy it so much when people pray for me. It's just how that particular person deals with their own inner anguish, the way they soothe that troubled feeling. Everyone's got a way to do that, and "praying" is the make-believe way a Christian person helps others, thus pacifying the need to do good without actually doing anything at all.

Manifesting some useless accomplishment to make ourselves feel like we've done something of worth is normal. I know that I personally can do something as silly as misplacing my keys, then finding them, thus having a sense of accomplishment when in fact I am no better off than I was before misplacing them. It's fascinating how simple we are at times.

So Sherry, you pray for me if that makes you feel better. I'm gonna spend a minute remembering how lucky I am to have a bigger than average penis. I'm no better off than I was before I thought of this but I truly feel like I've accomplished something worthwhile


“I hope I see you in heaven. ”

Subject: what the heck

What's up with this Jesus dress up thing man. Are you making fun of him. Are you totally blind to what youčre doing. I don't understand how you can see the excruciating pain and punishment that he went through for you and me in love for us. Open your eyes man. Look what youčre doing.

Your friend, Kyle Miller

P.S. I pray for you. I hope I see you in heaven.

Hey Rod,

Well, I'm not necessarily "making fun" of Him. I'm just sorta teasing Him a little. Like bustin' His balls, ya know? I dunno, seems funny to me. It's also got a positive message too. It's like a way of remembering His sacrifice and showing just how much He loves us even if we kick Him when He's down. You know? It's kinda like I'm making His sacrifice even bigger!

I... ah, oh fuck it. Yes, I'm making fun of Him and I hope that by doing so I will profit financially and sexually. Does that make me a bad person?


“you will stand before the lord and will cry like a baby when he says depart from me I never knew you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

how dare you insult jesus after all he has done for you. i cant believe you would mock him a second time. $16.00 for mockery????????????????? one day you will stand before the lord and will cry like a baby when he says depart from me I never knew you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you will just accept him as lord and ask him to come into your heart sincerely, and he will come and give you eternal life.


People are so silly. Do you hear yourself and what you're say--
Oh nevermind. Yes Beach Dreamer, I will cry like a baby before the Lord, and when I raise my hand to wipe away the tears of sorrow it will pass through my head because I'm a ghost.

Thank you for your email. You're insane.

“doesn't a very small quiet voice, deep in your heart cringe?”

Colorful, clever, simplistic humor. Sometimes what we need in this crazy world! Yet doesn't a very small quiet voice, deep in your heart cringe? You WILL face Him, you'll have to tell Him why. I will pray for you.

God bless you even when you scorn Him!
Liz in Oregon

Cringe? Why? Do you think I actually believe that after I die Jesus will ask me to tell him "why?"

Liz, the only "small quiet voice" I got inside of me is the one tellin' me to try and think less about sex so I can mock God even funnier than I already do.

That's my inner battle.



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