I did put pamphlets
in the bibles at Church, because my mother still makes me
thinks I'm still "saveable"
you may have guessed from the previous paragraph, I am not
quite an adult yet. That means I don't have a say as to whether
I go to Church or not, unfortunately. Even worse is the fact
that I have to set up a lot of the equipment at the beginning
of church in the hope that some of the holiness will wash
off on me. On Sunday, my job was to put frayed ribbon bookmarks
in the Bibles so everyone knew which passages to turn to.
So, naturally I thought I'd do everyone a favour and reinforce
the weak bookmarks. I wrapped your pamphlets around the bookmarks
so that they fell out when the books were opened.
you should have seen the expression on the priests face! He
started roaring "Not bloody BOB again!!!" and
spurting four-letter words like he had turrets! You would
have been proud at the hilarity of the chaos that followed.
course, I got in HUGE trouble from my mother, but it was worth
it! Next week I have to replace the toilet paper in the bathrooms,
because the priest thinks I can't do anything bad there. This
opens a whole new world of possibilities for me...
I DEMAND SITE OFF NET NOW!
Normal Bob Smith:
I did the subject for the attention due to the fact that you
haven't been replying to my past couple of emails. No, I don't
hate your website, and no I am not some conservative Christian
who wishes to shove biblical quotes and 'your going to hell!'
crap down your throat, I am Brendan! I am your official Normal
Bob Smith nerd, as well as your official Normal Bob Smith
Bob, I know what your asking yourself right now, "who the
fuck is this kid, and what the fuck does he want with me?"
Well Bob, I don't know if you remember me, but I am the kid
who always seems to run into you and your friends in downtown
Manhattan. I stand about 5' 11", attend the all boys school,
and am the 'Normal Bob Smith nerd.
I have been doing my part lately, replying to Ryan's emails, and spreading the word.
by the way, my parents will be so happy to recieve their Jesus
Dress-Up fridge magnets for Christmas this year! I can't wait
to see the looks on their faces as they see the wonderful
world of Bob Smith unwraped and resting in their arms. As
you can see Bob, I am risking my home, my education, my life
(a lot of Christians are out to get me), and my sexual relationships
for the Normal Bob Smith cause. But I feel that it is well
worth it, and in the end, we'll all be ok.
The Good Fight!
me if you want a fight, fuck head.
Subject: your so
I am a christian,
Roman catholic infact. Point is, I believe God is the ultimate
and I'm about to stick up for him.
Please go to the
folowing site: www.google.co.uk
Go to the 666th
entree and your site appears.
After viewing your
site, that does not fucking surprise me, your an insult to
Christianity. God is not a cartoon character who finds evil
a joke. Bob, you are Satan. Now fuck off and stop trying to
entice young minds into your sordid and sad paedeofilic world,
keep too wanking in private.
+44 (0)7779 xxxxxx
Phone me if you
want a fight, fuck head.
What? You don't
want the email fight? Is this because "your" sensitive about
"Your" also not
very good at giving directions. 666th "entree" on a search
for what? Do you even know how a search engine works?
And lastly; Roman
I needn't say anything more on that topic.
"Your" very brave
to pick a phone call fight with me but I don't fight with
eleven year olds. You just keep emailing me. I don't mind
all of the mistakes and the practice will do you good. I suggest
starting out by using "you are" instead. You see "you're"
(the word you're trying to locate) is an abbreviation of the
words "you are".
Heck, keep listening
to me and soon you'll be top of your 5th grade class!
jump on a flight to your shit country and plant you one
on the nose, how about that, eh?
my spelling is
not too good. i'm from northern england and not to bright.
i tell you what.
I'll jump on a flight to your shit country and plant you one
on the nose, how about that, eh?
better to say- 'And finally
its not "And lastly;", much better to say "And finally;"
You are precisely
the audience my new dress up page is geared towards! It has
been carefully designed to suit the needs of those who wish
to cause bodily harm upon me but for one reason or another
don't have the balls to do it face to face!
the new Normal Bob Smith Dress Up REVENGE!
Are you slightly
disgruntled at the things I've drawn and said? Dress me up
in a flowery sun dress and make me read the bible! Yuk! Or,
are you so outraged that you'd enjoy opening up my skull and
feeding my brains to the rats? Or perhaps you're driven by
lust? A deep seated yearning to punish me sexually for the
wrongs you're so happy to have caught me committing. Strap
me down, tear off my clothes, blindfold and gag me, then take
your little mouse and put it anywhere you desire! I'm helpless
and entirely yours!
Richard, you may
not have guts enough to fly out and punch me, but I've got
guts enough for the both of us. Pull off my chest plate and
see for yourself!
do come true.
Bob. I mean that.
You win. It was
the eve of Halloween and was very drunk and being extremely
silly. I don't think I'm evil, sadistict or sexually frustrated
(though I've been without it for a couple of months).
I lost it and went
mad, sorry Bob. I mean that.
Take care and do
what you believe.
Don't worry about
it. You're not the first person to lose to me. It happens
all the time. I'm a lot quicker and cleverer than many people
in the UK. I think that most Americans are smarter than you
guys actually, but I was surprised that you chickened out
of fighting me.
Maybe it's those
chicken noses you guys've got that make you so chickenly.
I mean, everyone knows you're alcoholics, but I didn't know
that this made you cowards. Or, I guess you drink to mask
Well, ya gotta
do what ya gotta do.
Don't thank me!
Thank that chicken brain of yours for wising up!
Perhaps you limies
aren't so stupid after all.