Their emails will be in blue while mine are in black and white.

My parents gave me the greatest gift a teenager could recieve! 4 bullshit filled years at an all girls catholic school! (just what i wanted! *sniff*) i found that the bible was pretty good for a few things though...

for instance, the papers were just the right, thin consistency for rolling papers! yeah- they were grrreat if you- say- refused to go to attend school mass every friday because you have a brain, and instead chose to spend your time reading ACTUAL great literature (kafka, rimbaud, bukowski) and smoking in the girls room. the paper was also good for tearing out and 1) putting your gum in. throwing away. (those damn catholics at my school were notorious for sticking gum under the desks! man, i HATE that! 2) passing a note to your friend across the classroom to call out your nun/teacher for making questionable and anti semetic slurs. 3) origami!!!

there was something, bob, i thought i should point out to you which is sort of a glaring omission in my eyes.

"Some believe that all the babies go straight to heaven because they are born innocent. So one who is lucky enough to die gets the free pass to an eternity of heaven's bliss. I suppose that the free pass is revoked upon that baby committing its first sin."

oh no no no, my dear. no lucky pass given, because catholics believe in a nifty little concept called "original sin"! what is original sin?

~a sin inherited by all descendants of Adam; "Adam and Even committed the original sin when they ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden"

original sin (-rj-nl sn)

According to Christian theology, the condition of sin that marks all human beings as a result of Adam's first act of disobedience.~

to wit bob, you me and everyone else are born straight into hell! scary, isnt it? no "too young to have commited a sin", no tabula rasa theory. because of someone, supposedly, a loooong time ago that you couldnt possibly be related to or have anything to do with their actions, you have sinned. and sinned HARD apparantly.

my parents had me baptised. did i have a choice? nah. was it MY tiny voice accepting jesus into my heart. nope. so did it count? i sure dont think so. i was also forced to make my confirmation in the 7th grade (i HAD to...i had a cure concert hanging over my goddamn head!). i had to, this time, actually SAY i accepted jesus into my heart. but did i mean it? did i believe it? i sure as shit didnt. i just wanted to go see the cure, man!

i was an agnostic then, as i am now but sometimes people feel compelled to lie to avoid persecution. ie; the jews, blacks, gays, germans who believed hitler was wrong, etc in nazi germany. almost everyone except the nobility and members of the clergy during the spanish inquisition. (by the way, i guess being one of the head inquisitors, killing and torturing thousands of people doesnt neccessarily damn you. in my town- noo yawk city- theres a church my parents go to called St. Vincent Ferrer. mr. ferrer had the distinguished title of 'head inquisitor' for a while.

...then they canonized him a saint.)

and theres more...much more, actually. but you knew that, didnt you, bobby boy...

take care!

“you put whitey tightys on my God.”

hi bob.

I dont mean to be nit picky. But i find the idea of making a paper doll out of my God to be a bit disturbing. Im sure youve gotten thousands of emails like mine, but i couldnt live with myself without telling you that this is just awful. I like fun, i like paper dolls, i like cool internet sights, but you put whitey tightys on my God. My God. Couldnt you pick someone else? Ugh. Im not very sorry if i offended you. I hope you will take my proposition of picking another paperdoll character. I mean honestly, email me back and ill send you a picture of myself to make a paperdoll out of instead. I promise.

thanks for your time

Hey Sara,

Let me run this by you: Don't you think it's a bit strange that its even possible for someone to put tighty whities on a god? I mean, you've actually made a god out of someone that can be drawn? You worship a man, and you think that a man can be a god? Isn't that a bit odd?

To me it seems clearly peculiar. To think that any man is god is so obviously wrong to me. I don't understand how everyone doesn't see this. What makes you any different than the people who worshipped David Koresh or Jim Jones? Do you actually think that Jesus created the universe?

For anyone to worship some god that can actually be depicted in a drawing or statue or tiki... well, it just goes to show that many people haven't evolved as far as they should have by now.

I'm not offended in the least. I'm used to the wacky letters. I had a bushman email me the other day telling me not to mock the shiny rock he'd found because its magic beams keep the sun happy. But please, send me your picture anyhow!


“id be sortof mad if you put little whitey tightys on the picture of my grandfather.”

Hi bob,

I am appauled to hear that you mocked someone's shiny rock. Especially one with magic sunbeams. So cruel. So heartless.

Well you are completely correct about putting whitey tightys on my God. I wrote my last email hastily because i didnt actually expect anyone to write back. I was, however, overjoyed to see that you did.

And so i will clarify. I do not wake up every morning and bow down to the little cartoon jesus i printed off of your website. You might meet some people who do. Id love to hear of them. The cartoon and all other crosses, etc are simply representations of our God.

I have this black and white picture of my grandfather. When i look at it i think about how much i love my grandfather. I dont love the picture itself, just my grandfather. Its the same way with little cartoon Jesus. In the same way id be sortof mad if you put little whitey tightys on the picture of my grandfather.

Second of all, yes Jesus was a man. Im sure youve heard the story. He was God in man's form who came down to make it possible for men who are by nature bad, to have a relationship wiht God who is by nature good. He's a really good go-between. He was perfect and there are tons of dusty manuscripts from different religions that tell about the miracles he preformed.

Ill try not to bore you with any other random explanations. I dont have a picture with me, email me back and ill work on scanning one. Id love to know what you believe. And id love to hear any questions you have to make me think.


If you'd get upset from someone putting tighty-whities on a photo of your grandfather then you do have problems. I would not care at all if someone took a picture of the person dearest to my heart and put little cartoon briefs on them. Is this what people get upset over nowadays? That girl who had her arm eaten off by a shark has reason to be angry. You do not.

You need to recognize your overly sensitive weakness and deal with it, and stop telling people what they can and can't do because of it. Your god has the same fucking problem... and it's annoying! Sheesh!


“...know when you did something rong”

i don't care what anyone says. all you have to do to be saved is know when you did something rong and be able to admit it at least to god.also u have to know god loves all and to fear god is to destroy the belief of his love.

god bless everyone.especially you.


I don't care what anyone says. What you really and truly have to do is admit to yourself that you did something wrong. Then you have to admit it to those whom you've betrayed with your wrong doing(s).

Confessing your fuck ups to an empty room is the least important thing to do. Your priorities expose one of the many aspects of religion that fuck up a society.

And typing the words "God bless everyone" in an email is perhaps the emptiest gesture anyone could ever offer back to his fellow man.

Is your head up your ass?


“what made you think of this?”

what made you think of this?

The thing that happened to Jesus back in the olden days is where I got it from. I just added the wardrobe options.


“i know you expect weird remarks but...”

Subject: dress up JESUS ?????????????

i know you expect weird remarks but i wont slam you JESUS came to save everyone that will accept HIM. ask him to save you today yours in HIS service

I find it funny that you think it isn't a weird remark asking me to accept this man from another galaxy inside of me so that he'll save me from something. I wonder what that "something" is? The Devil? Dragons? Sadness? Evil? Bad guys?

And there you are in service to this fellow whom you've never even shaken hands with. Did you ever stop to think about that?

Your whole letter to me is one huge weird remark.
Stay away from the children you weirdo.


“friend, the "something" is sin”

friend, the "something" is sin its what we are all born with {the sin nature} and therefore we donot have a relationship with GOD. asking JESUS to forgive us gives us a nature like GODS.

“its not important to shake hands”

just one more thought, its not important to shake hands or to physically "feel" HIM. it is a faith relationship. faith , like when you get in your car, you have faith that it will get you where you want to go. have a nice day.

Is there a place you can go and sit quietly while I telephone the Funny Farm? They will take you someplace comfy where you can't hurt yourself. I suggest wrapping your head in a scarf until they get there.



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