Hate Mail

There was a contest involving me
and I wasn't even invited!

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Their letters are in yellow, whilst mine are in black & white.

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There was a Photoshop Normal Bob Contest and I wasn't invited!
So this person has had many other Photoshop-Somebody contests before, usually with some stupid second rate Internet celebrity... like me!
By far the one that terrified me the most is this nudist family one. Yikes! It my ass really that fat!?! They even got the tattoos right! Good god that one creeps me out. Ain't nothin' creepy about that naked wife's ass though! Yowzers!
The one of Jesus slugging me in the balls is good too! It's so good it makes me nervous to go get snacks right now. How'd they do that with my mouth? I'm impressed.
The McDonalds worker one is neat! That's how I'd look if I were doin' that. Do you think anyone would eat a burger served up by that guy!? I'd like to watch ad see.
I did see quite a lot of them went with the red lobster angle. It's pretty creepy to see a picture of yourself frying up in a pan. A few more of those and Pascal's Theory could look convincing!
What I'd like to know is how'd they get my yearbook picture!??! Those were the days, back when I was in the "Vengeance on God for Loving Me Unconditionally Club." C'mon people. I'm not about revenge. Grow up. But damn that idiot Yearbook Club for misspelling "Vengeance!" Mark my words, I'll get them for that!! I SWEAR ONE DAY THEY'LL KNEEL BEFORE ME AND PAY!!!!

Anyhow, there's a ton more entries. Some terrifying, some goofy, and some just stupid. No one there seems to either hate nor love me. They're all just fuckin' around without caring one way or the other, and as I've stated a hundred other times before: "It doesn't matter either way, just as long as it's all about me!"

Thanks kids.

“the sickest thing I have ever seen.”

Your website dress up God has got to be the sickest thing I have ever seen.

I got saved three years ago and Jesus put his holy spirit in me. I am sealed with his spirit and have had many visions and revelations from Jesus. He is real and he died for your sins.

Repent and get saved before it is too late.

Corinne King

Yikes! That's super creepy! And someone else can die and pay the price for someone else's wrongs? That's mega-super creepy too! It's a wacky belief you've got, like back when they used to put the village's sins into an old goat then send it out into the desert to die.

The lure of not having to account for your bad deeds is tempting to leap on board with, but it seriously looks like one gargantuan cop-out from where I'm sittin'.

Thanks for the email. It was really imaginative!


“your mean and stipitd.”

I hate you so much for not loveing jesus . your mean and stipitd.

Christina Knauer

I've learned not to take accusations of being stupid too seriously from people who can't even spell the word.

Blame your brain.


“Your site SUCKS!!”

Subject: Satan is laughing

Your site SUCKS!! And here is the best bit, satan is laughing the hardest at you, because he fooled you and you will burn in hell if you do not ask Christ and God to forgive you. Satan hates even you man, you think you will find favour with him or whatever the reason is you are doing this!! Do yourself a favour and go to this link:

satan and his demons will break your poor pathetic little body in hell, over and over!! You will be tormented for all eternity. Wanna know why, you are CREATED IN GODS IMAGE, and satan hates God and hence, hates you. Wake up man!!

I will pray for your soul man, you need help!
Danie Prinsloo

Oh my. You believe in Satan? Do you get funny looks when people find out you think the devil's real? It must be kinda neat sometimes though, huh? Like having this make-believe arch enemy you're constantly doing battle against, swinging at the air with your fists and shouting curse words at the sky!

Or wait. You'd shout them at the ground I suppose. Hmmmmmm.
Which is it?


“you clearly have a fetish for make up (yuck). Are you a closet gay?”

Subject: psychological problems

I don't believe in the bible or anything like that and I can see how some people may hate christians bcause they are ott. I think most of them are liars - they lie to themselves and others and heck if they say that they are going to heaven then I'd rather rot in the grave than spend time with them. However, I think your problems are worse, you clearly have a fetish for make up (yuck). Are you a closet gay? You can't come out the normal way and be content with yourself?

You are a stupid cunt. Do you work in a fast food place during the day? I think you are a big fat crazy christian underneath it all. If you want truth then why don't you read come literature. Start off with Milton's Paradise Lost - Graham Greene's The Heart Of the Matter - Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. And then maybe some James Joyce - Dubliners. I think after that you'll be ready for big boy pants. Stop filling your head full of crap - what a waste. Impressive site, though, you must have worked hard on it. Is this site supposed to be ironic - if so then it is lost on me.

Natasha Girvan-Curley - 21 Ireland

I always forget how discontent, unhappy and closet gay I am until I get an email like yours telling me so. I'm feeling so content, happy and heterosexual all the time I sometimes forget the things I'm not feeling.

Hey, wait a second. What if it's not that, but instead it's you, Natasha, who's misinterpreting the person you think I am because it's just an internet personality you're judging and you don't really know me? Gee, I wonder if that's what it is? I wonder if maybe perhaps internet people aren't really real, and most of the time they're contrived to suit what's required to amuse people on the web but in all actuality they're a regular person? Wow! That's quite a concept, huh? Natasha, are you one of those people who has internet boyfriends, and internet bffs that you've never met ever, but you still consider these people as substantial equations in your life?

And just because I like to smear red makeup on myself from head to toe (applying no less than 3 layers to the area between my navel and knees) does NOT make it a make-up fetish! It's a healthy outlet! My Satan-faced-penis tells me so every time.

Clearly not psychological problems,


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All opinions, writings, illustrations & designs are that of Normal Bob Smith (C) 2000 - 2012
Email bob@normalbobsmith.com. Received emails may be displayed publicly.



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