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Confessions of a Feegmite
The Jordan M. files

His letters are in yellow, whilst mine are in black & white.

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Calling out to all Feegmites and ex Feegmites! I want to hear your story!

lord feeg

After posting this page and sharing the stories I've experienced as a worshipper of The Great & Mighty Lord Feeg I started to realize there were others out there like me who went through the same things I went through as a Feegmitist.

Were you, or are you now a believer in Feegmitism? I would love to hear your stories and experiences as a Feegmite. Do you have a favorite crazy tale you were taught while you were a Feeg believer? The world needs to hear our stories and more of the bizarre beliefs taught by Lord Feeg. Email me!

bob@normalbobsmith.com

“Jesus loves you =]”

Jesus loves you =]

Jordan M
hippyheel42@yahoo.com

Hooray!! Does he have a sister??

Bob

“No. Just Jesus”

No. Just Jesus =]
Guess what!

He loves you!

Jordan M
hippyheel42@yahoo.com

Me and only me?? I feel so special!!!!

Bob

“He loves each person each special way.”

Yep! He loves each person each special way. No matter if you are atheist or buddhist. he loves you no matter what.

Jordan M
hippyheel42@yahoo.com

Cool. Then he won't mind if I don't believe he exists.

Bob

“I hope one day before you die and go to hell, that you will find Jesus and he will save you.”

It doesn't matter if you believe him or not, he still loves.
I hope one day before you die and go to hell, that you will find Jesus and he will save you.
You know what?
Can I hear your story on why you are even atheist?
Like...were you not raised in a Christian family? Or not raised in a Christ-like environment?

Jordan M
hippyheel42@yahoo.com

Hello Jordan,
I would be happy to share with you the story of my upbringing.

I was born into a family of Feegmites. I'm sure you already know about Feegmitism, but I'll quickly explain it just in case you're reading this letter aloud to your children or the neighbor kids. Feegmites believe that one giant living being existed before all else and is responsible for making the whole universe, you, me, and everything else with his magical powers. He did so so that The Great & Mighty Feeg could have a world of people who would bow to him and call him "God." It is difficult to describe what Lord Feeg looks like, but I will try. Lord Feeg is man-shaped, lighted up very very brightly, wearing a tophat, tuxedo jacket with tails, and gold shoes & socks. Lord Feeg does not permit the worship of any other gods (false gods), apprecites it when we thank him for all the things he made for us, and hates anything we think or do that sounds even remotely sexual. Even now I've already said too much on the subject. Please don't ask me about that particular part of Lord Feeg's pet-peeves. It's an extremely sensitive topic with him.

Of course as a Feegmite, my upbringing was pretty standard. "Bow to the Mighty Feeg, do good, obey your parents, credit the Great Feeg for all things good, and fight against the temptation from the Evil Dargmoth." But first and formost, before doing good or obeying the Great Feeg's Dozen Dosie-Dontsies, the most important thing was to believe he actually existed and all his magical tales are 100% true without doubt or question. Failure to comply would result in a clobbering you couldn't imagine that'd last for a million billion years with only one weekend a century to write to friends and family about how things are going.

Anyhow, as you guessed, I fell from my Feegmite beliefs when I realized we, the human race, have invented many other gods much like the Mighty Feeg. All of them without a shred of evidence to prove their existence, and an equal amount of threats if one does not believe the stories to be so. Thus I've since considered myself an atheist: no longer believing the Mighty Feeg actually exists. Are you an atheist too, or do you believe in the Mighty Feeg and his arch nemesis, Dargmoth of the Jelly Sea. It seems the thing you speak of sounds quite similar.

Tell me more about your "Mighty Feeg!"
Bob

“Feegmitism sounds pretty stupid. No offense. But, at the same time, God is much like that”

Yea, umm...feegmitism sounds pretty stupid. No offense.
But, at the same time, God is much like that, but there IS proof that what is said in the Holy Bible is true.
I am pretty sure you know the story of Jesus Christ and how he came and died for our sins. So I will not go into detail, as an atheist, I am sure you did your studies on religion so you could "fit in"
But...what I don't understand is why do you post this stuff on the internet? I mean, is this just a publicity stunt? Or are you trying to persuade people? I mean, what is your motive behind all this?

Jordan M
hippyheel42@yahoo.com

Oh yes, I couldn't agree more. Feegmitism is very very stupid! Feegmites believe that the world was invented by Lord Feeg 24,000 years ago, Hahaha! and there was once a gargantuan earthquake that shook the world for 3 weeks when The Mighty Feeg made the earth shake to punish people for being exceedingly bad. That worldwide earthquake supposedly killed every living creature on earth except for the ones saved by one chosen Feegmite, Craig, who built a rocket out of tree branches that could carry 4,000 animal embryos. The Mighty Feeg made all the animals get pregnant at once then a week or so later delivered the embryos in peanutbutter jars to the rocket. It's a bizarre, hilarious story, but I swear to you, Jordan, Feegmites believe it's true! They have to, or they'll go to hell! Hahahahaaha!

One of my favorite stupid things that Feegmites believe is that all the bad deeds they commit can be deleted by putting them in a paper bag then throwing it on a fire! It's so funny! Get this, if you are a Feeg and let's say you have an affair and lie to your wife and kids, they believe all you have to do is put a paper bag over your head and recite everything you did out loud into it, then afterwards remove the bag, tie it shut and throw it on the fire and the affair and lies are cured! You're no longer responsible for any of them! Oh, the stupid things people will believe if they think it'll get 'em out of taking responsibility for their actions, huh Jordan? Sometimes I laugh myself to sleep thinking of how weak minded and silly us humans can be, especially if there's the promise of free gifts! "Sigh"

So after going through all of that I realized I'm not the only one who was brought up to believe a whole bunch of stupid ideas I was taught by adults. There are others out there who think and believe these exact same things. So I took it upon myself to show these beliefs for how stupid and thoughtless they obviously are. In fact, you put it best when you said yourself:
"Feegmitism sounds pretty stupid. But, at the same time, God is much like that." Jordan M., Jan 3, 2009

You hit it on the nose, Jordan.
Thank you for your insight. Now you understand completely.
Bob

Were you, or are you now a believer in Feegmitism? I would love to hear your stories and experiences as a Feegmite. Please comment on this page.

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