Hate Mail

Strange Ways of Complaining

Their letters are in yellow, whilst mine are in black & white.

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Hey Bob, it's great to finally talk to you. Been a huge fan and admirer for years and years.

Like so many people, I was raised a Christian, yet even after I stopped "believing" in god, I was uncomfortable saying that god didn't exist, and therefore called myself agnostic for a long time. Then one day I ready your response to someone's claim that Jesus "suffered".

"I would say that Jesus suffered more than every person whoever died a painful death added up, times a thousand! And just because He came back to life and has been living in Heaven for the last 2000 years doesn't detract from that day of suffering, except just a little."
- Normal Bob Smith, Pg 164

And all of a sudden everything clicked. I immediately realized just how completely absurd and "made-up" the whole idea of "salvationism" is. And the gaping whole in all religions were suddenly made clear. God is fake. And I owe you for forcing me to admit it to myself.

Karl Rickard

“Dear God, This guy called Bob you created has quite a sense of humour, but...”

Dear God,

This guy called Bob you created has quite a sense of humour, I doubt he thinks your son Jesus died not just to give him eternal life (should he choose to recognise you as his Lord and creator) but also to give him a really good role model, someone to help him when he faces those tough moments in life that he cannot control or fix.

God show Bob how much you love him, help him where he is struggling right now and help him to use his gifts wisely, keeping him safe from the temptations the devil may throw at him, and ever knowing that you are bigger than any kind of evil, that you are his Lord of Lords.

In Jesus mighty name,


Dear God,

There's a guy out there who thinks you exist. Not only that but he thinks he's really super special to you and you're out there in the universe concerned about the tough moments he cannot control or fix. God, he's down here on planet earth really depending on you as an imaginary friend who'll listen to his emotional outbursts during these moments when he is all alone needing someone to hug and comfort him.

God, please show this person that you in fact do not exist and this inner voice is something we all have to make decisions against, debate with during life's trials, and consult with about things we've no control over, as I am doing at this very moment. Explain to him that some people call this voice Vishnu or Allah or Buddha, and throughout history people've given this voice a thousand different names, Ra, Tupa, Zeus, Anguta, or Thor to name a few.

Inner Voice, please explain to this person how it's kinda weird he/she emails strangers on the web urging them to believe in this imaginary friend. Clarify that just because he really wants to be special and one of the top priorities of a Universe-conjuriing Mega Wizard, it doesn't make it so.

All of these things I beg of you, Inner Voice.
In your mighty name,


“9 out of 10 people said that this should be blocked”

hi i dont think you should be making fun of jesus like this we have had a vote and 9 out of 10 people said that this should be blocked people are distgusted bob with your dress up jesus game

Megan Flanagan

Let me guess. The vote was 10 church people, huh?

Uh, yeah. I'm gonna organize my life around them! A bunch of churchy squares!

How about this. Have a LEGITIMATE vote of 10 people you DON'T know and then you'll have a REAL election I'll have to obey.

Boy, will I be laughing when I get 6+ votes!!



“I am a recent convert to islam and was maybe wondering if you knew any links that could help me along my spiritual path?”

Subject: Hello my friend!

Why hello there, I was browsing a few forums and I happened upon a link to your website, and thought I would drop a letter. I am a recent convert to islam (allahu akbar) and was maybe wondering if you knew any links that could help me along my spiritual path? I'm sure you get dozens of emails from many different religions ranging from Wiccans to Jehovah's Witnesses and would probably have heard from a good place for me to use as a resource.

Allen Wilson

But of course. In fact I built this page myself... http://www.muhammaddressup.com/ Peace be upon him.


“Also, have you done anything to mock the Jews? A Moses dress-up. Maybe a 'zionist' dress-up?”

Yes yes, and it is wonderfully blasphemous. I'm sure you feel very proud.

Though I'm curious why a Donkey? I know Muhammad fled on the Hijra on a camel but I'm not sure where a donkey comes in. I know Jesus (Peace be upon them both) reportedly rode around on a donkey. Is it because donkeys are viewed as a tool of Iblis in Islamic tradition, even with Muhammad saying that if they walked in front of a man that is praying, that it would nullify their prayer? Wonderfully blasphemous. Almost artistically so. Even with the Blessed Aisha. Cute.

Also, have you done anything to mock the Jews? A Moses dress-up. Maybe a 'zionist' dress-up (which I suppose have the same terrorist motif as the 'Muhammad' dress-up. Maybe with a suit made of ham? I know you have the pig suit for Muhammad, but that's just dressing up as something that's forbidden, not actually rubbing that item all over their body.

Allen Wilson

Beh. No one cares about making a mockery of Moses. You can go ahead and do that one. I'm gonna pass.


“Why? Are you Jewish yourself, and thus don't want to insult your own ethnicity?”

Why? Are you Jewish yourself, and thus don't want to insult your own ethnicity? Or do you feel Moses outdated and too obvious? If so I guess Isaac or Jacob would be out of the picture (though by doing one of Abraham you would make a catch-all for mockery). Or why not something more relevant? I'm sure you hate Zionists as much as the next red-blooded American, why not Benjamin Netanyahu?

Or do you just want to insult the largest number of people with the easiest/fewest figure-heads?

Allen Wilson

Is Moses really that sacred to Jews? I'm from a long line of Christians and from my experience Jews care very little about being made fun of, or the mockery of Moses. Would an Isaac or Jacob drawing even be recognizable? I'd argue that most of the English speaking world doesn't even know who the hell Isaac or Jacob are, let alone point 'em out in a police lineup.

Jesus Christ, a Benjamin Netanyahu dressup? Listen. Allen, there's a reason you guys are driving cabs and rioting in the streets over comic strips. You're much better at being the butt of jokes. You just leave the creativity & comedy to the professionals. God knows, I've had enough shitty creative directors in my life, the last thing I need is creative input from a recently converted Islamic fundamentalist. Do you really picture a Benjamin Netanyahu dressup getting any sort of response beyond one gargantuan collective questionmark?

"Ooh ooh! How about an Ishmael Dressup!! Or are you scared to offend jews because that's what you are!!!"
Holy fuckin' Prophet Muhammed. Allen. You just stick with reciting ancient scribes on a bus stop bench and I'll stick with writing jokes about it.



“You are really agreat man... Fuck Off... Dirty Bitch”

Subject: bob.....Graet work.........

hi bob,
your idea about dressing up jesus is amazing...awesome work....you are really agreat man.........

But Who the fuck gave you the license to do this.......?
Bastard........ go & remove this dirty work.............. Fuck Off.............Dirty Bitch..........


Hey, thanks a lot. I put a lot of work into the site. I'm actually blushing. It's so nice when people take the time to express their appreciation and....

Wait a second! Where did that come from? You dirty scum-sucking toad! YOU fuck off! I take back what I said a minute ago, and now I hope you go blind and piss all over your feet!! Garbage eater!!


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All opinions, writings, illustrations & designs are that of Normal Bob Smith (C) 2000 - 2011
Email bob@normalbobsmith.com. Received emails may be displayed publicly.



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