Hate Mail

Why should I love or care or think about someone else?
Pastor Stanic R. Zelimir files

His letters are in yellow, whilst mine are in black & white.

<< PAST | NEXT >>


Latest Updates

Subject: Help with inadvertent baptism

Dear Normal Bob Smith.

We need your help. My son was taken by a Christian friend (a Baptist) one Sunday. She explained that they needed him to accompany them to a special event for children.

When they returned they explained that he had somehow been accidentally baptized. Of course this was not intentional but somehow things had got out of hand that day and the deed was done. Luckily by introducing a new member to the church they had gained extra loyalty points to be spent at the church shop and they therefore had been able to supply him with a brand new children's Bible. Not only that but a few points were left over for their own nine children. Of course my friend apologized profusely for this unexpected event.

I wonder if in the course of your research and communications with people if you have discovered a way in which we could unbaptise him? He is now nearly fourteen and feeling really bad that this could have happened to him without his even knowing what was going on. He had plans to be a confirmed atheist but now these plans are completely ruined.

Can you be ex-communicated without being confirmed? Is there a way of rescinding accidental baptisms?

My son suggested that perhaps he could sin a lot. He is even wondering if adultery would do the trick. We explained that now he is baptized it will be a very simple matter for any sins to be forgiven. Not much help!

Please help. He is quite distraught and doesn't know what to do for the best. We tried Googling "un-baptism" but that turned up several links to Mormons who seem to have quite un-accidently posthumously baptised Hitler. While this is interesting it is not our problem.

Your friends,
Fiona, Cheryl, Christy & Jake

Sorry, kids. It's common knowledge there's no reversing a sanctioned baptism. It's a fail-safe measure invented by the Baptists to secure the soul permanently, no takebacks. There isn't any getting out of it now except by giving the whole soul away. Preferably to Satan.

Get a scrap of paper. Write "Jake Junior's Soul" on it (or whatever his name), preferably in cursive, and in his own blood (but a red pen will do - as long as it's his). Staple a photograph of him to the signed scrap. Put it in an envelope and send it to the devil.

If you don't have his address you can just mail it to me. I know a guy who's friends with his assistant. I'll make sure he gets it.

Good luck.
Bob

PS. Oh, and be sure you mark the return address on the envelope. You don't want that getting lost in the mail.

 

3 days later....


[Certificate from unbaptism.org]

 


Thanks Jake.
I'll take care of it from here and let you know how it goes.

Bob

“why?”

Subject: question

Friend, why do you do this?

Stanic R. Zelimir

Jesus Dressup? I'm not sure what you mean. Because I'm allowed to and I think it's neat.

Is that what you mean?

Bob

“Yes, you're allowed but, not everything what I can to do is good.”


Yes, thank you for answer.
But, don't you think is rood and offensive for some people. Yes, you're allowed but, not everything what I can to do is good. What you have against Him?

Stanic R. Zelimir

I mean, basically it's just because he's pretend. And I think people believing in all those strange stories (walking on water, raising people from the dead, flying in the sky after his resurrection, king of the universe) aren't thinking through things rationally. And being rational in life is really important.

I hope I'm making sense. It just seems so basic to me. You understand where I'm coming from, right?

Bob

“What is your occupation?”

Can I ask you one more thing? What is your occupation?

Stanic R. Zelimir

I'm a graphic artist. Mostly freelance.

And of course you can ask me whatever you want. I have no problem answering questions.

Bob

“What are your values that guide you...?”

What are your values that guide you in your art making and performing?

Stanic R. Zelimir

Laughter, personal glory, & the Benjamins.

Is that what you mean? I'm not exactly sure I understand the question, but that's my initial reaction to it.

“Who are Benjamins?”

Yes, that's what I meant. Who are Benjamins?
I didn't introduced myself: my name is Zelimir, I live in small bosnian town on croatian border. I'm pastor.

Stanic R. Zelimir

"Benjamins" is slang for money. Benjamin Franklin is on our $100 bills.

It's nice to meet you. I'm Bob and I'm in New York City. Oh, and I'm an atheist.

So do you really believe someone else can take the blame for the things you've done bad? I just don't see how someone else's blood being shed for you is a good thing to promote no matter how you word it. Do you really believe that's possible, and a good thing? It just sounds awful to me that you promote that. Sounds like the fantasy of a criminal actually! Haha

“How can you find sense in life?”

I knew that his picture is on ... but didn't know for that slang word.

Well, as first, give me alternative option. How can you find sense in life? What's the point?

Stanic R. Zelimir

Well that's just part of growing and living life. Finding your own purpose, your own sense in life. Putting your priorities in people instead of make-believe gods. Developing your logical thought, maintaining your sanity & sensibilities so you can pass it on to others. Living this life instead of the one you hope's there after the grave. And of course taking full responsibility for your actions without any delusion whatsoever that there's another option at all. Knowing that you yourself has to live with whatever actions you commit is part of growing up to become a good, responsible, adult person. Thinking there's a way to pass your "crimes" onto someone else to pay, well, that teaches nothing and only produces adult children.

It seems so obvious and commonsense to me. It's strange to think of putting it into words. Know what I mean?

Bob

“How can we measure good or bad?”

You mention terms like responsibility, good, responsible ... what does it mean, if there is no god? How can we measure good or bad; where do you find basis for ethics or anything similar?

Stanic R. Zelimir

Um, you measure good and bad by measuring the human suffering. That's how we humans have always measured it, before Jesus, before the bible, before all that. It's the Golden Rule. Treat others as you would be treated. It's crazy basic, and it's a lesson found in some way or another in every religious belief and human moral system.

I'm shocked by the question. Are you saying there's no other way of measuring good and bad without the gods instructions? You wouldn't know that taking something that isn't yours is wrong without your god? Or you wouldn't know that hurting a child is wrong without the bible? I don't understand at all where you're coming from. Do you really believe this?

I noticed you're not answering any of my questions.
Am I making sense to you?
Bob

I don't believe you can have ethic and moral without God.

Sorry Bob if I acted as someone who just talk and not listen. I thought that your questions doesn't ask for answer. Well yes, I don't believe you can have ethic and moral without God. Tell me, if there is no God, then everything started with evolution, right? And, in evolution there's no values, no pain, suffering - only survival. I don't know what is wrong if someone doesn't told me, someone who created me.
I would like to hear your opinion.

Stanic R. Zelimir

Stanic, you're seriously telling me that you, as an adult, wouldn't know the difference between right and wrong if someone didn't tell you? Someone has to come to you and say, "hitting your neighbor in the face and taking his money is bad" or else you couldn't figure it out on your own? You don't have the ability to play out the sequence of events that would follow such an act and weigh them out in your mind beforehand to determine whether or not it's a good or bad thing to do?

How about this, Stanic. Did someone need to say to you "don't eat mud off the sidewalk," or "don't hit yourself in the face with a hammer," or "don't poop in your livingroom?" Does the bible tell you not to do these things? Without the bible instructing you not to do these things why don't you do them? Huh? Ask yourself that and you're part way to figuring out the rest.

Yes, when I ask you questions I hope to get answers. Everyone knows it's easier to ignore questions and just preach, but not esspecially impressive. I'm beginning to realise maybe you just don't like to think about things in general and believing claims without question is standard practice.

Is that how it is?
Bob

“why should I love or care or think about someone else?”

Stanic, you're seriously telling me that you, as an adult, wouldn't know the difference between right and wrong if someone didn't tell you? Someone has to come to you and say, "hitting your neighbor in the face and taking his money is bad" or else you couldn't figure it out on your own? You don't have the ability to play out the sequence of events that would follow such an act and weigh them out in your mind beforehand to determine whether or not it's a good or bad thing to do?

YES! exactly. Because why shouldn't I do that? So what? Why would such attitude be wrong? Just because we agree about that? Why can we agree different: if I'm bigger, stronger and mightier, I need that kind of power and right to do that.

How about this, Stanic. Did someone need to say to you "don't eat mud off the sidewalk," or "don't hit yourself in the face with a hammer," or "don't poop in your livingroom?" Does the bible tell you not to do these things? Without the bible instructing you not to do these things why don't you do them? Huh? Ask yourself that and you're part way to figuring out the rest.

It's different cause it's about me. I love my self - but why should I love or care or think about someone else? How you can figure ethic in atheistic society? That's my question.

Yes, when I ask you questions I hope to get answers. Every one knows easier to ignore questions and just preach, but not esspecially impressive! I'm beginning to realise maybe you just don't like to think about things in general and believing claims without question is standard practice. Is that how it is?

No, I just didn't figure that you expect my answer; I told you last time. No hard feelings.

Stanic R. Zelimir

"Why should I love or care or think about someone else? How you can figure ethic in atheistic society?"
Because hitting people and taking their things does in fact have repercussions. Are you really that blind to the realities of life? If you went around stealing and hurting others, and fighting and kicking people you didn't like do you think life would be smooth sailing and happiness would be close to follow? The reason people don't treat each other like that has nothing to do with God or the Bible, and everything to do with the repercussions you'd face from the people around you for acting that way.

Our behavior is formed by the people around us. You would most definitely be shunned from society if you robbed and hit everyone you were stronger than. Your family would suffer, and you'd suffer too, because people who're bigger and stronger would do the same to you, and life would be very unhappy indeed. Civilized societies around the globe have been formed around this very basic Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have done to you."

It predates the bible, and is included in almost every single religion ever invented! People invented the Golden Rule, not God, because life is better when we treat each other fairly. It's not that hard to figure out at all. It shocks me to see an adult who seems so blind the benefits of treating others well.

Shocking indeed. Do you not agree??
Bob

One week later...

Subject: Help!

So I've posted your statements on my website and lots of people are writing in wanting answers. I can easily understand why you'd rather just preach without explaining yourself, but for the things you believe it seems critical that you start giving some answers, and fast!

I've got people here dangling their bibles over garbage cans demanding answers from the "Question Ignoring Pastor" (the nickname you've gotten around these parts) and I don't know what to tell 'em!

Please Pastor Zelimir, don't just come here questioning our morals then run away. This is the moment when non believers need you most!

Bob

“sorry but I have no time to waste.”

Well, I apologize cause I didn't understand that you actually provoke persons like me to talk about. I'm not one of the fundamentalist christian who will spend time on aimless discussion with you (like Jesus loves you, you will burn in hell and blah blah ..) . Just play your game.

have a nice time Bob, sorry but I have no time to waste.

Stanic R. Zelimir
zstanic@gmail.com

Seriously?

I enjoy defending what it is I believe and showcasing why it's reasonable, true, and just. Standing up for what you believe is an essential adult behavior in my opinion. I'm always surprised when an adult, especially one who considers himself a teacher, runs from someone who's asking questions. It just doesn't compute with me.

You should reconsider being a pastor.
Maybe you'd be a better sprinter, or someone who hides professionally perhaps?
Bob

Comment on this page...

 

<< PAST | NEXT >>

All opinions, writings, illustrations & designs are that of Normal Bob Smith (C) 2000 - 2011
Email bob@normalbobsmith.com. Received emails may be displayed publicly.

NORMAL BOB SMITH DESIGN NEW YORK

jdumagnetad


nbslink envelope


NormalBobSmith.com