Hate Mail

All kinds of amazing

Their letters are in yellow, whilst mine are in black & white.

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So how is everybody doing out there? Good? I sure hope so! Because I've been wondering what's happened to all of you!
I mean, I know Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and then it's Jesus' b-day after that, and the economy has taken its toll, but that doesn't mean you should all just quit showing your faces around here, stop commenting and including me in your diary, then take up arms against my Wikipedia page! I mean, for Christ's sake, you've basically left me to fend off these bastards all by myself! Has the winter weather frozen your typing fingers? Believe me, your input and inclusion in this project I call "MY LIFE" is absolutely essential.

Okay. So be honest. Did you all switch over to my Jesus magnet competitor? Those assholes at "What Would Jesus Wear" fridge magnets??? Is that all it took?

JESUS DRESS UP MAGNETS

What?? You thought I'd link you directly to the rip-off!? Think again! But seriously, if you saw my hate mail (which, if you're here you have) you'd already know I've been getting requests for the "Dressup Jesus NOT on the Cross or I'll murder you!" version for over a decade. It was bound to happen, and bound to look as lame as this. And bound to make you ooh and ahh about as much as you just did. So be it.

MY Jesus Dressup still out searches anybody! And it still makes the best Christmas gift for the kids!

Awww... isn't he adorable? Just good wholesome fun for all ages! I believe it was a German magazine (or was it Australian?) that I gave permission to to publish that. If you know for sure let me know. They told me, but I forgot.

Christ, I bet all little kid fans of JDU will grow up to be smart, good looking grown-up kids!

Yikes! Ok, I'm sure it's just bad lighting. That's all. Bad lighting with a cheap camera. I'm not panicing. I'm still Satan, I'm still #2 on Google, and I've still got it. Wait. Have you seen it? Well here it is...

Yep, that's me with the REAL Jesus Dressup workin' the only Jesus Dressup booth at Comic Con irritating the fuck out of everyone! It's worth the 10 minutes of your time for about 10 really secure, hearty laughs.

So after all of this bullshit, this is really just a reminder that I'm still for sale, plans are in the works that'll make me bigger and more popular than ever before, and your half-dressed self portraits in my mailbox are still sought after & respected. All this and more only at NormalBobSmith.com.

I thank you for your continued support.

“The problem with atheists is that they try to find an answer to everything no matter how unintelligent the conclusion might be.”

Subject: It's not hate mail, it's tough love

Dear Bob,
 
       Since you say He doesn’t exist , can you explain who made the world? Who created us? Don’t say The Big Bang because if that truly happened that “energy” had to come from somewhere. The problem with atheists is that they try to find an answer to everything no matter how unintelligent the conclusion might be. I know there is some passage in The Holy Bible that says something about things we can’t explain that only He knows. Just look around! Not one scientist can prove how the world was made! Just how no one can prove God exists, but there are clues He has given us so that we can live by his word and that we know how to reach him, amongst other things included in the Bible . Read the Revelation chapter of the bible. How come things prophesized in the bible are coming true today? How can you explain that? There are far many things that have happened for it to be a coincidence.   
 
        Not only do I think the things you are doing to the Lord are terrible, but to make things worse you choose to put icons of the devil. Is that what you are now? A devil worshiper? Honestly, if you didn't care for the Lord why would you make it your missiom to confuse christians or agnostics? I know one thing for sure, I’d rather die believing there is a God and finding out there isn’t , than believing there isn’t a God and finding out there is. Really, what have you got to lose? If someone was offering me eternal life, hands down I would take it. It’s sort of like if your rich uncle promised to put you on his will if you be good. Wouldn’t you want the million dollars?
 
You also say He has not acted in your life. Well at least not that you are aware of. He is working with you right now! Look at how many people He has sent to try and sway you away from the devil. It is not “hate mail” it’s tough love . If people have taken time out of THEIR day to try and knock some sense into you it’s certainly God’s work. I know I wouldn’t be writing to you if God didn’t put it in my heart to do so. I hope you take  what I have written to heart. It’s never too late to go back.
 
PS: By the way, I think you pointing out grammar mistakes is your way of having an excuse to not take someone seriously. I ask that next time you read “hate mail” it is with an open heart.

Sherly Marie Fuentes

Since you say god exists then his energy had to come from somewhere! The problem with you Christians is you try to come up with answers for everything no matter how unintelligent the conclusion might be.

See what I did there? I turned your words back around on you and they made more sense. Aren't I clever?
Sherly, how is the magic garden with the talking snake, a ship built by a 600 year old with two of every animal inside, and blood sacrifices for other people's wrongs intelligent?

See, I'm just a normal guy who believes normal things. If you come to me saying "MY LORD LOVES YOU, AND HE ALSO ALLOWS A HELL FOR PEOPLE TO BURN IN FOREVER!!!" I walk away in search of normal thinking, and normal talk.

If someone promises me eternal life, a million dollars and a gold brick the size of the Empire State Building, instead of bowing to that person and lavishing their feet in sweet kisses, I consider first what they're saying as possibly untrue. I expect some sort of evidence for what they're promising. If I were to promise you a million dollars with no evidence that I've got a million dollars what would you think? Would you bow to me?
If someone doesn't have any evidence for what they're claiming, then there's a very good chance their claims are false. Because the first thing I'd do if I really had a million dollars to promise someone is show them solid proof. That's just logical. There are a lot of liars out there who make false promises. You have to watch out. If there's unbelievable gifts being promised, be suspicious, because the promising of gifts is the most popular lure in a liar's tackle box.

Sherly, no offense, but the things you believe don't sound normal at all. They sound crazy. And I would much rather say "I'm not sure" than go with the craziest answer, because it's a lot more normal. Despite what you say, I'm an atheist who's more than willing to say "I don't know" instead of saying things that make me sound crazy.

I just want to be normal sounding.
Thanks for the email.
Bob

“Why does the wind blow? 'It’s the uneven heating of the earth’s atmosphere.' - World Magazine
Are you kidding me?! It just blows!”

Haha silly me xD I thought you never replied. I absolutely get what you are saying, but my point is...what have you got to lose? NOTHING! The example I gave was that if your rich uncle put you on his will, wouldn't you take the million dollars? What I meant by that was that have you got to lose? He's giving it to you. No strings attached. The only thing he wold put on his will is be good. God doesn't ask us to be perfect. No one is! What I meant by live by his word is do what is good which is what God wants us to do.

Let's review what christian is known for : being kind, lobedient, respectful, compassionate, patient, humble,among other GOOD things.The bible says that only if you believe in him then you shall be saved. You could be a criminal but if you CONFESS YOUR SINS and REPENT then that's all you need to go to heaven. Is that hard? Confessing that you did something wrong? I know the thing your stuck on is believing, but some things in life don't make sense to you but they are present. Why does the wind blow? "It’s the uneven heating of the earth’s atmosphere." - World Magazine Are you kidding me?! It just blows! No one knows why but it does.

Science can't solve everything even though they think they can. I know that you must be thinking "Well, the same goes to your God" but the thing is He has given signs. The signs are there but only if your willing to look. I just ask for a favor, read Revelations, just Revelations. It's OK to have doubts, I assure you every single christian or believer has had them. I never said you weren't normal for not beliving in what I believe, but the thing is a normal person doesn't dress like satan. Get where I'm coming from? I'm just really trying to get you to have an open mind and heart.

Sherly Marie Fuentes

Yes, but see the problem is that I know of no such rich uncle, I have no evidence at all he exists, and the people telling me this tag on a whole list of flawed claims & instructions that just seem mistaken. Like, I have to ask myself, "Do I really want to be part of something that allows criminals, for who all I know butchered their family to pieces with an axe, to be absolved of their horrible crime and get rewarded?"
It just sounds like whatever promise it takes to get them in the door, no matter how outrageous, immoral or even sickening it sounds you'll say it.

I am of the frame of mind that those who come at you with all of these promises and no evidence should be scrutinized. That way you're not setting yourself up for a whole life of buying into every single claim that includes a reward somewhere down the line. Know what I mean? That's just common sense. It's Hustling 101.

Sherly, right now I'm sure that believing whatever feels good sounds like the perfect plan for life. Unfortunately one of the things you'll discover, and this isn't taught in schools, is that living this way sets you up for a lot of trouble and heartache, because often what feels good isn't actually truth. In fact quite often it's the opposite! "GASP!"
You don't realize it now, but you're setting yourself up for a future of disappointments without the tools to cope with them like an adult. I come across so many adults like this in my daily life, and that's NOT where I want to be when I finally grow up.

Thanks though! It sounds like everything's going to be sparkles and sunshine from here on out and into eternity, huh??
Bob

 

“I don't see how you can think this is okay.”

Are you a Christian? If so, I don't see how you can think this is okay. It really saddens me to see my Jesus treated this way. No matter what your beliefs, I pray you will rethink having this site.
 God bless,
Leslie

Sent from my iPad
Leslie Aracri

Oh my. Are you a Christian? Please, stop thinking someone else can pay for your wrongs. I don't see how you can think that's okay. It really saddens me to see people pretending it's possible to put responsibility on someone else for their mistakes. No matter what your beliefs I hope that you'll rethink them. 

Love and joy to all you hold precious and dear to your heart of the purest gold,
Bob

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