Since the conception of a higher power we have been eagerly anticipating our utter demise at the hand of that higher power. Every war, conflict, disastrous act of nature or hangnail, there has been a cross section of religious excitables that raise their ugly voices predicting Armageddon. Now, I haven't researched the numbers , but I happen to know that only a very small percentage of these predictions have ever been correct. It's like under 3% or something.

So where is all of this coming from? What is it that's making these people sell all of their possessions, lock up in a bunker and wait for their God to end mankind's survival streak?

REVELATION
A Bittersweet Account
of the Death of us All

OK sure, it's a book written by someone with an early version of the frontal lobe. And yes, the author knew nothing of scientific research, a non Holy explanation behind a solar eclipse, or the pictures that play in your head during sleep time.

It mustn't be forgotten that plants, herbs, fungi and toads were still being tested for edibility. It was a place and time before people knew what mushroom to eat and what mushroom to leave be.

Oh yeah, keep in mind too that the guy writing this book had horrendous B.O.

OK, now the scene is set. Let's dig in!

Revelation is the sci-fi tale of a seven headed, red dragon with ten horns, his many beastly underlings, and their ultimate conquering of planet Earth.

It is George Orwell's "Animal Farm", only at a much grander scale, double the melting flesh and a hard-core Christian spin.

It begins with an extended introduction from God, His plan and the distribution of this book of the bible (to Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamous, Thyatira, Sardis, Laodicea and Philadelphia- The Cream Cheese State, Rev. 1:11)

The author also reminds us that Jews are evil (Rev.2:9)


The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse make an appearance (
Rev 4:7).

And a gathering of the four beasts: one who is like a lion, one like an ox, one like an eagle and one like a man. All with wings, all worshipping God.

It isn't until the 6th chapter that the "signs" start revealing themselves. The very first indication of the Apocalypse will be "a great Earth shock", like an explosion, thunderbolt, volcano, Earthquake, asteroid, fireworks warehouse mishap, something of that nature (he's really going out on a limb with that prediction).

Our next sign will be something slightly less vague. It seems that every star shall fall from the sky and every mountain shall collapse into the sea (so when this happens it'll probably be a safe bet that it's the Apocalypse).

In chapter 11 the author starts getting a little greedy in his philosophizing. He foretells the great rewards for the prophets (like himself), and the destruction of those against him and his God.

And it is only after all of the poor and religious are locked safely behind Heaven's gate that the true wrath of Almighty God bears down on us all.

It is now that the seven headed dragon comes from above and eats a newborn baby who was supposed to rule the world! Apparently that ain't-a-happenin'.

Then an army of angels swoop down from Heaven to do battle with the baby eating monster. Let me tell you, if you're still standin' around at this point it's gonna be one hell of a show, and I wouldn't try to book any flights to anywhere 'cause I assure you this angel/ dragons war in the sky will be tying up most of the available air space for sure.


And the angels of Heaven shall be defeated in this battle.

It is now that the Dragon starts recruiting his buddies into positions of great authority. One of them being the 2 horned beast that'll eventually construct an image of the dragon. That image will then breath life (Yeah, I don't know either. Possibly a Furby?).

And after a lot of trouble making (666 tattooing, evil magic, shit like that) God appears from the clouds backed by a full orchestra. This kicks off the hour of judgment!

So then it's a lot of cruel burning and pain for ever and ever.

So be it.

The end.

Not exactly happily ever after, but an ending none the less. What did you expect, the end of the world to sound less screwy than the Bible's account of the beginning?

Every so often I get an email that's clearly from someone who hasn't been to NormalBobSmith.com

The Charm Files
I'm still expecting a response from the last letter, so stay tuned.

As usual the Hate Mail letters are in blue and mine are in black and white.

"... purpose of jesus dress up is?"

I was just wondering what you believe and what the purpose of jesus dress up is?

Charm835@aol.com


I dunno.
Somethin' to do.
Why?


"Maybe you should inform yourself"

Because thats really not the best way to honor Him. Maybe you should inform yourself and then you'd realize why thats probably not the best thing to do.

I guess if you don't believe in Him then there is nothing that I can really say, but one day you will meet Him and you'll have to explain all that, and thats gonna suck (not to say that I am any better). You should check out the Bible (I know everyone says they have, but most are lying to themselves)

You could learn a lot about whats going on in the Middle East and that our government can never stop whats going to happen. It is written whats to come and we're watching it happen right now. Just be carefull, you don't want to be held accountable for leading people away from Truth. Mail me back and tell what you think

Charm835@aol.com


Are you sayin' that it's the end of the world happening? A friend of mine said that same exact thing. He's an assistant to a biology teacher and he said the Bible is predicting all of this. He said that the book of Revolutions says word for word about the Muslims crashing into the twin brothers and the dates and everything! It's pretty scary.

But Jesus is cool. I didn't make my page to honor him. I just thought it'd be a crack-up. Like a Bin Laden page, or Sissy Spacek! She's a total Garfield!

I had another guy email me telling me to fix my page and not to make it be from what kind of point of view it is coming from 'cause of Jesus and stuff. He said that it's God and God will send me to Hell and crazy stuff like that. I said to him, "Why does God care? He's God!" It cracked me up! I'm buyin' the new PlayStation Spy Hunter off him!

What's your name?

Bob


"You can't pick and choose which parts to believe, you either take it as a whole and believe everything or dont believe in any of it."

I'm not saying its the end of the world because only God knows when thats gonna come (the Bible says He will come like a "thief in the night" and no one knows the day or hour). However, there are several verses in the Bible that apply to whats happening. Check out Zechariah 12:3 in the Old Testament and Revelation 18:9 in the New Testament. I don't know if you have ever read the Bible or what you believe, but your site portrays the Son of God as a foolish character at our disposal to dress up in silly costumes in celebration of a pagan/witchcraft holiday. Know what I mean? Thats pretty scary. Osama, Sissy Spacek, or even the Pope would be funny, but not Jesus Christ. His suffering on the cross was not for our amusement or to be laughed at. I know you didnt make the page to honor Him, but if you knew the Truth about His sacrifice and His love for us, then you would realize what to joke about and what not to.

Society embraces atheists (who believe we shouldn't be held accountable for sin), evolutionists (who originally theorized evolution to justify slavery), and all other forms of religion (each of which can be traced to men seeking to glorify themselves) but persecutes Christians and the Bible. Ironically, the Bible is our main source of ancient history, but out of "political correctness" the schools that you and I are educated in will never tell us that. You can't pick and choose which parts to believe, you either take it as a whole and believe everything or dont believe in any of it.

check out those versus and tell me what you think.

Charm835@aol.com


Hey, how's it goin'! I still don't know your name!
I went and looked at Zechariah 12:3 "And it will come about in that day that I will make Jerusalem a stone of great weight for all the peoples; all those who take it up will be badly wounded; and all the nations of the earth will come together against it."
And that's what's happening in the news! And even though we're all defending Jerusalem right now, a friend of mine who's got a brother in the coast guard says that Bush is plannin' on nukin' Jerusalem and getting Europe and everyone else to back us up!

I went to Revelation 18:9 like you said. "And the kings of the earth, who made themselves unclean with her, and in her company gave themselves up to evil, will be weeping and crying over her."
That's so funny! It's totally Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinski! And the traders that it talks about are the guys sending out Anthrax in the mail who live here in the U.S!
Thanks for these quotes. I'm gonna show my friends that.

Yeah, I agree with what you're sayin'. You hit it right on the nose. So many Christians just pick and choose whatever they want to out of the Bible and then they make lame excuses for the stuff that they don't want to believe. Some of them are such hypocrites. Like, I'm just flippin' through a Bible now, and they'll totally tell people that being a gay is wrong (Leviticus 18:22) and then ignore the part in the next chapter, like here: Leviticus 19:19, "Don't wear clothes made of 2 kinds of cloth." There's a guy I know who calls himself a Christian and he totally does that! And I seen him shave off his beard and sideburns like it says not to do in Lev 19:27! To me it's no different than how Bin Laden rewrites the Muslim bible to suit his needs. He's so bogus!

And then like in Exodus where God says, "Don't put any gods before me".
Everyone says that all the time to me about TV and rock-n-roll and PlayStation and stuff like that. And those same people have pictures of Jesus everywhere like the Bible forbids in the next Chapter (Exodus 20:4). And you wouldn't believe how much of that stuff is in church! I seen a church with carved out crosses on the walls and everything! It's like major blasphemy. But I suppose that God forgives all that stuff so they can get away with anything they want.

I think that dinosaurs are so cool. I got a T-Rex on my door to my bathroom and it says "T-REX ROCKS!". I'm lookin' at the start of the Bible and it says in Genesis 1:23-27 that God made man on the fifth day? That's Adam right? He made Adam just a few days after He made the Earth? What about all those cavemen from 10 million years ago that I seen in the museum? Why did God bury all those dinosaur bones for us to find then? I think those parts are so obviously just stories 'cause now we can prove that things existed before those seven days.

So then everyone just says that some things can't be explained in the Bible and it's back to makin' up your own rules again. I dunno, I just say it's all too confusing to live that way. And I just end up thinking that no one cares if any of it makes any sense just as long as the Heaven part is true. I guess that's why I don't believe that Jesus is God either.

I'm sendin' you a picture of me and Brian and Amy.
You should send me your pic. Do you chat?

 

Much to my dismay, Charm was never heard from again.

New Hate Mail
Past Hate Mail