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Oh
Christ,
it's Christmas time.
It
is that time once again to remember the true meaning of this
holiday.
It
is the time of year when we bow down to Hollywood Jesus (Santa Claus),
being sure to strip away any religious meaning that would only get
in the way of good cheer.
Magic
moments for children, paid vacation for adults. Time again for suicide
stats to rise and snow to fall. Family reunions up. Goth down.
It
is that time of year when you can not escape the "Charlie Brown
Christmas" soundtrack even if you spend December at the bottom
of a well with your fingers in your ears screaming until blood comes
out of your nose.
So
how exactly does an atheist celebrate Christmas? I'm going to take
this opportunity to speak for all atheists out there and make the
blanket statement that we all praise Santa. It is the only time
of year when God relinquishes full control over planet Earth to
somebody else.
All
of the angels in Heaven step aside for the reindeer and elves. From
the day after Thanksgiving to New Years eve, all power over every
dominion is directed from the North Pole.
This
is what atheists believe.
Every godamned one of them!
To
all of you
that care.
Nothing
would make me happier than to have a wonderful collection of festive
fan pictures to display come Christmas.
Email
me your holiday spirited pictures for posting on the
upcoming Christmas Fan Mail Page. All entries must be received before
December 22nd, 2001 and fame, links, & good fortune will be
yours.
The
person with the best picture (of my choosing) will win an all expense
paid chat with me, Normal Bob Smith, in the new Chat
Room!
How
can you resist?
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"I don't mind looking a fool..." |
Hey
Bob,
I
don't mind looking a fool for the things that I have sent
to you, in fact I appreciate the fact that you have posted
my ridiculous attempts at hate mail on your web site. I only
just recently visited your page for the first time since I
sent those e-mails to you.
But,
could you please remove the bottom most piece of hate
mail which has my name and address attached to it as I did
not send this to you. I have never been a Christian
and would never promote that kind of stupidity. In fact I
seem to recall letting you know of my admiration for you and
your work in my final e-mail to you and explaining that the
only reason for the hate mail was to get a response from you.
On
second thoughts, anybody who knows me who actually saw that
post with my name and e-mail address on it and believed that
it was me who had sent it to you would find it highly amusing,
knowing the context of who I am. Why would I care what my
name is attached to on some strange web site anyway, it dawns
upon me that I have already invested too much of my precious
little mental energy here.
Sorry
for wasting your time.
Did
you know that my girlfriend is one of your superbabes from
outer space? Just ask them.
I
don't know why I'm sending this even now as I have totally
contradicted myself and made no point whatsoever. I guess
I just need your attention to feel as though yada yada yada
yada more pointless crap about nothing.....
It
is true that my girlfriend is one of your superbabes from
outer space though.
Your
friend
Mike O'Connor
Apologies
for any speling and gramatical errors which will annoy you
as you are obviously my superior in every way for having a
finer command of the language than I.
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"I
just want to know where you are coming from, why do you
do what you do?" |
Sure
there are many ridiculous things to mock within the Christian
faith, basically the entire premise of the religion is flawed.
But
why, Bob, why? What satisfaction do you get from your site?
You
amuse and entertain those with similar views to yours and
outrage and disgust those with differing views to yours. As
much as I am opposed to the stupidity of Christianity, I am
tired of pointless smart alec style critiques of Christianity
which only really function to preach to the (un)converted.
Your
anti-Christian rhetoric is as old and predictable as the pathetic
pro-Christian rhetoric you mock. Mocking God and the traditions
of the churches which operate in His name has been done over
and over again, it is the oldest and easiest form of 'Shock
Value' entertainment to engage in. You can't possibly hope
to cover any kind of new ground, it has all been said and
done before.
You
also seem to have adopted the kind of superiority complex
and "I know something you don't know" attitude held by many
of those you mock.
Is
it all for the sake of comedy? Your concepts are tired but
you do have quite a witty way of expressing them, though not
(in my view) witty enough to revive a stale concept as old
as Christianity itself.
I
just want to know where you are coming from, why do you do
what you do?
Mike
O'Connor
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As
I reread your
past emails to me, I am reminded of how little
you know about what's original or funny. I've seen your "comedy",
I've seen you stand for nothing, I've even seen you lie. If
I ever found out who you were dating I'd advise that person
to open her eyes.
Adopting
a superiority complex is all part of defending what you believe
(something you don't understand or appreciate). I am willing
to acknowledge my flaws. I am not beautiful looking, I am
self-centered, I fight being a pervert, I am forgetful and
I will never have muscles... ever. But I know what is funny
and entertaining. I know that I have had my moments of being
clever. And I know Jesus Dress Up is fun, funny and clever.
This is why I defend it so.
That,
Mike, is why I am doing what I am doing, defending my ideas
and beliefs. I find it a very worthwhile pastime. I believe
in the art/concepts I create and I will defend them vigorously.
I enjoy defending them! I think that shows and I know it's
entertaining.
Mike,
it is so dull to stand for nothing with opinions that go nowhere.
I yawn more during your letters than anyone else's I've posted.
The only belief you seem true to is something personal against
me. Why you continue to return to me is a mystery. Everything
else you seem to be on the fence about. This is why I ask,
where are you coming from? Why do you do what you do?
Bob
Don't
worry, at your request I will no longer attach your email
address to the things that you say.
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I
have no answer.
I do have another question though.
When did I lie?
Mike
O'Connor
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Mike O'Connor
Date: Fri, 23 Nov 2001 05:06:05
"...my (Mike O'Connor) admiration for you (Normal Bob Smith)
and your work..."
Mike O'Connor
Date: Fri,
15 Jun 2001 05:37:37
"You and your web site both suck. I hate guys like you."
Mike O'Connor
Date: Fri, 23 Nov 2001 05:06:05
"...the only reason for the hate mail was to get a response
from you."
These are just
off the top of my head.
I removed the letter off of page 31 at your request.
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"I
am sorry that I lied to you." |
I
am sorry that I lied to you. Thank you for removing that letter.
It
should be obvious to you by now that I am socially retarded.
I don't know what my problem is. I saw your site and liked
it somewhat, disliked it somewhat too so I thought I'd try
to interact with you in my typically retarded style.
I
do know something about what it means to create and to believe
in that which you create. I do it all of the time. I'm sorry
too that I attacked something which you have created and obviously
feel strongly about.
Most
of all I feel as though I have wasted your time with a series
of pointless, meaningless and essentially unnecessary e-mails.
Maybe the idea was to challenge you somehow, obviously a task
I am not up to.
Thanks
for your time, responses and web site, in the end, like it
or hate it, it is one of the more thought provoking works
of art I've seen on the internet.
Mike
O'Connor
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"You
have caused me to seriously examine and attempt to understand
my own behavior..." |
Dear
Bob
You
have caused me to seriously examine and attempt to understand
my own behavior, which is perhaps the most valid and important
impact that any kind of artist can ever hope to make. I mean,
what exactly was I hoping to achieve by sending you those
ridiculous e-mails? I honestly couldn't answer the question
you threw back at me (where am I coming from? why do I do
what I do?) and that is quite troubling, wouldn't you say?
Yours
sincerely
Mike O'Connor
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