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Unused
Hate Mail
from the Past!
Over
the last couple of years there have been many letters that I haven't
posted for one reason or another (No one would get it, possibly
fake, sent to me from a preteen, or just plain unfunny). Looking
back however, I now see something interesting, fresh and yes, even
a little funny in these. So sit back and let's take trip back to
early 2000!
Their
letters are in blue and mine are in
black and white.
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It
isn't only for the girls.
There
is another spectacular reason why I remain so riveted to this work.
More beyond the mere devotion I feel towards the opposite sex.
There is nothing that
I find more fascinating than the human brain, and there is no better
way to appreciate it than by listening to the ideas it contrives
to validate its life. It's an additional development inside your
head for the soul purpose of finding a way around mortality!
I have heard it told
in great detail the things that wait for us in the great beyond.
It's a place where your loved ones are waiting for you (your pets
too if you request them)! You'll have the opportunity to look back
at your recorded life, because everything is getting documented.
It just has to be!
I take pleasure in the notion that the average American
has 17 years of TV watching waiting to be viewed in another dimension.
And as more
contradictions are exposed, more stories have to be reasoned out.
I had a youth pastor that trapped me on a ski lift so that he could
explain how the dinosaurs lived during bible times! He was free
of the Church's rules, no distractions, no other opinions, just
spectacular stories.
I imagined
pterodactyls flying over the crucifixion.
I saw giant
reptilian creatures swimming along side the Ark!
I was swept
away into another world of reason.
The man
was in his 40s, he had to be right! He had explanations that forced
themselves out of his adult mind, past logical thinking, into the
impressionable thoughts of a 15 year old me.
I mean
it's either that or the Earth existed before Adam and Eve... and
that just couldn't be!
I've heard
people tell of their encounters with angels! Super natural beings
rising up at the foot of the bed telling the them how special they
were. And there is also a more basic type of angel that comes in
human form to lend a helping hand when all hope is lost. They save
you from fires and car crashes then run off into the crowd never
to be seen again... because they go back home... to Heaven.
There are
people who've been possessed by the Devil himself, because there
can be no other explanation for a person to go nuts.
It's the
belief that it is true which gives it validity.
As a favor
to yourself, take the time to listen. Ask the questions you want
answered, and if it doesn't make sense, ask for more. It could just
be the greatest story you've ever heard.
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The
horrible misspellings were starting to make me suspicious. Some people
just like to see me "go off" on grammar.
Fri, 1 Sep 2000 13:19:06 +0200
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"...are you affraid of the true??" |
You
really suck!! Show Jesus some respect, ore are you affraid
of the true??
Annette
b.v.d.veer@quicknet.nl
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Annette,
Thank you for the terrific critique, but I thought that the
tux and top hat were plenty respectable.
I'm about as "affraid"
of the truth of Jesus Christ your Savior as I am about the
truth of Santa Clause flying down my chimney and smothering
me with my pillow. It just ain't gonna happen.
Get a spellcheck
and live in the plausible. Your ignorance is shining so bright.
Bob
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So
far no one has emailed me saying "I am a Bible thumper and..."
Wed May 2 16:30:39 2001
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"I am not
a "bible thumper"" |
I
am emailing you to understand what it is you were thinking.
I heard about this web page from 96 Rock in Atlanta. I had
to see if this really existed or if the regular guys were
making a sick joke. After reviewing this page, I wanted to
write and express my opinion. I am not a "bible thumper",
but I do respect others' beliefs and religions. What would
your reply be?
Sincerely,
Concerned
Giddyupgo@email.msn.com
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I am of the opinion
that all things can be dissected, spun around, put in a funny
wig and made fun of. If a religion can not stand up to these
things then what validity did it ever have to begin with?
What would your
reply be?
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I
love the idea that every sin has an equal, similar punishment. That's
how God makes everything fair!
Wed Jun 13 22:29:20 2001
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you
need to be hung just like jesus was you will pay for that
one
Peg
PEG8642@aol.com
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Yes Peg, Jesus
will surely have the honor of pounding in the first nail at
my unprecedented crucifixion at the Pearly Gates.
One couldn't ask
for a more perfect straight man.
Thanks Jesus
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I
really don't know why I never posted this. Jail? That really cracks
me up! Ah, she's just 14 that's why.
Wed, 18 Jul 2001 08:42:49 -0400
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"you should be thrown into jail
for this." |
bob,
your site is the worst site in the world. that is so wrong
that you would make that up. jesus's death is not a funny
thing, it's a holy thing. you should be thrown into jail for
this. i am so glad that one day you'll look God in the eye
and he will punish you, unless you ask him into your heart.
either
way you will pay for this horrible sin you have commited.
i hope you realize what you are doin and you stop it. and
just so you know this is a 14 girl who thinks this is sick.
just imagine what others older than me think, who are Christians.
please repent of your sin and erase this wicked site?
In
Christ,
Anna
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Jail?!? I should
be thrown in JAIL for this? Eternal punishment in Hell from
the hand of God I can deal with. But actually serve time in
prison? That's outrageous!
For a 14 year old
girl you're pretty ruthless.
Bob
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Maybe
this is a mental disorder? I hold down a good job, pay my rent and
I know what day it is... how bad could it be?
Tue, 29 May 2001 15:35:28 +0300
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"What you consider to be humor
is merely an alarmimng sign of mental disorder..." |
Subject:
YOU ARE SICK
What
you consider to be humor is merely an alarmimng sign of mental
disorder.... Man, you really ought to see a psychiatrist as
soon as possible.. Unless the chemicals you've obviously been
taking have screwed your brains to the point of no return.
But, then why should the rest of the world take your crap???
info@infoplanet.gr
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Dear Mr. Infoplanet,
Perhaps it is a mental disorder. I've seriously considered
this. If it is, and you're what's normal, then I'd rather
be put away than believe the absurd things you do.
Bob
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Another
set of letters that I have no clue why I didn't post them.
Sun, 18 Nov 2001 21:26:13 -0800
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"
Please move your punk-ass to Afghanistan you be-atch,
or at least to the island of misfit toys." |
I
can't believe someone with any amount of brains in their head
would spend any amount of time whatsoever to create a webpage
as stupid and sick as the Dress Up Jesus. Whoever did this...I
have an idea for you. Please move your punk-ass to Afghanistan
you be-atch, or at least to the island of misfit toys.
Simply
Repulsed,
Bill
clarktribe@lvcm.com
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Hmmm. Island of
Misfit Toys... Afghanistan... Island of Misfit Toys... Afghanistan.
Let me think. I'll pick Afghani... No wait! Toy Island! So
that I can experience true love and acceptance without prejudice.
That's what you mean, right?
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"...
your totally out line, " |
You
mean I can't love you and accept you and still think your
totally out line, emotionally unstable and completey insecure
with your own identity? That's what you mean, right?
Bill
clarktribe@lvcm.com
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What I'm sayin'
Bill is that true love and acceptance means that you shouldn't
want people different than you shipped off 3rd world countries
or imaginary islands (like how you might want black people
to go back to Africa or something).
Rudolph clearly
taught us this lesson. I think that Jesus may have addressed
the issue as well, I don't recall. Has He done a Christmas
special with Santa yet?
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Just
another one of my "recant on the death bed" replies, but
hell, it's a funny one!
Sat, 2 Jun 2001 15:19:17 -0500
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"I
think you are one sick person." |
I
think you are one sick person. Can't you see how wrong this
website is? It's like you are making fun of Jesus. I strongly
urge you to take this off the net a pray for forgiveness.
gabby@cedar-rapids.net
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Gabby, I AM going
to take it off the net and ask for forgiveness. That's been
my plan all along. I'm just waiting for everyone to realize
that I don't believe any of it, then when I'm elderly (when
nothing matters any more), I'll ask "God's" forgiveness.
I know how to play
His game.
Bob
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You
have to give props to a guy who puts Gandhi and Disney in the same
category. My response is stupid... but it's funny if you read it drunk.
Sat Jun 2 13:26:37 2001
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"I don't think your that smart
Mr. Smith." |
I
don't think your that smart Mr. Smith. and here's why: In
your pathetic attempt to belittle "GOD" you noted that people
like Gandhi and Walt Disney are surley burning in hell as
we speak because they were not of Christian faith. You also
note that "It's written in the Christian bible somewhere!"
well, Mr. Smith, please provide us with the correct verse
that you read this in. Ohh and just in case you did'nt know,
don't take the bible litteraly or else, you know, There would
be fire breathing dragons and giant snakes all over the planet.
I
feel sorry for you Mr. Smith. You speak with so much conviction,
yet with so much to defend. Frankly, if you don't belive in
any type of higher being, I feel sorry for you because you
must feel incomplete. People who belive in God are NOT wasting
their time. They are mearly happy. And if you're trembling
in your shoes now, wondering what God thinks of you and your
internet site. Don't worry. I'm sure God finds it just as
amusing as you. remember this Mr. Smith: If you are a believer
in the sciences, that does not mean you cannot belive in God.
I
can't wait to hear your whitty response. By the way: it's
A lot, NOT Al lot.
Jon
Papers
Toronto, Ontario
jonpapers@yahoo.com
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Jon, Because you
can't wait, I am going to keep this response entirely witless
just for you. I don't know the exact place in the Bible where
it said that Ghandi and Disney went to Hell but I remember
the chapter starting with a "P" (Paul or Peter maybe?). And
I am well aware that the Bible isn't to be taken literally.
The church tells us that right from the get go, because otherwise
it wouldn't make any sense!
I feel sorry for
YOU Mr. Papers! There's more to life than feeling happy
all the time. I think that being scared of God and what He
thinks of my site is healthy, builds character! Sure I say
that I don't believe, but really I just don't care what He
thinks.
Bob
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Every
so often I answer my emails high on crack.
Fri, 21 Sep 2001 21:13:44 -0700
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"Portraying Jesus Christ like this,
is not only sinful, but it makes his crucifixion look
like it was absolutely nothing." |
I
think what you are doing on this website is despicable and
distasteful. It is very offensive to Christians and many more
religious groups. Portraying Jesus Christ like this, is not
only sinful, but it makes his crucifixion look like it was
absolutely nothing. I don't detest you, just the decision
you made to put up this horrible website.
Mark
Miller
miller-mark@home.com
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Well, you got the
message I was trying to send. Jesus was not the Son of God,
His book is madness and I'm beginning to think that a great
multitude of individuals are as gullible and delusional as
a monkey in a diaper.
I don't detest
anything about you.
Bob
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At
the time this didn't seem like such an original response... but I
really like the punishment I thought up for the masturbating teen.
Fri, 29 Jun 2001 16:36:21 -0700
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"No bad deed goes unpunished...did
you know that?" |
You
are a sick, perverted person who should be ashamed of your
site. You have no clue how evil this site is. Jesus is alive
today and loves everyone, and knows about this site. No bad
deed goes unpunished...did you know that?
Don
Liesch
lieschd@home.com
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Yes Don, if there's
one thing that life (and God) teaches us it's that life is
fair. Every bad deed is punished and every good deed is rewarded.
The reason that life is so consistent like this is because
every person deserves to have each and every deed they've
committed thrust back upon themselves.
*That guy who cut
you off in traffic will get cut off in Hell!
*The horny teenage boy who shoplifts porn will have porn of
himself stolen from him for masturbatory purposes... in Hell!
*That guy who crashed that oil rig and spilled ten million
gallons of oil into the ocean? He's forever drowning in a
sea of oil... in Hell! Unless he repented in time.
So what about me?
What about Bob? I'm guessing that Christ Himself will nail
me to a cross and, to even the score, I'll be similarly dressed
up in a wide variety of quirky outfits in front of the blood
thirsty masses of Heaven.
It's the "getting
even" part of God's great plan that makes it so desirable
to so many. If the anticipation of my punishment helps you
get through your day, so be it.
Bob
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His
letter was funnier than mine. Ego kept me from posting it.
Mon Jul 2 22:58:14 2001
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"FUCK YOU
YOU FUCKIN SIC FAGGOT ILL SEE YAH IN HELL" |
FUCK
YOU YOU FUCKIN SIC FAGGOT ILL SEE YAH IN HELL YOU FUCKIN HOMO.
Ya and in HELL YOU CAN FUCK YOUR MOM LIKE YOU DO HEAR ON EARTH
BUT RITE IN FRONT OF SATAN HIMSELF
Alfredo
Lavaggi
alfredo@callalfredo.com
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Your letter is
so naughty! You li'l stinker you!
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What
was I thinking?!?! He's way off!!
Sun Jun 17 21:30:52 2001
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"you mus be som kinda doofus" |
i
think you mus be som kinda doofus to not except yr savior
and lard andn thusly go to burn in enternal damnization when
you culd just do what people say some medeivital scholars
say that some ancient profits said 3 langwidges removed was
the word of what thay saied and tharefore obviously IS the
word of their and therefore our and indeeed everone's elses
for all time, God , the bullgoose herdboss now&anon wether
you like it or no, ya betta do wha they we I say you to o
else burrn, bro baby, burrn as it is writ so i say ebware
ofn dog, (s)he bite 4 Love.
dggilbert@vom.com
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